Re: Second Dawn: coming off citalopram
Been a while since I have been here at all and so have not been commenting at all.
I will say though about the comments re talking to ourselves on here. I think a lot of the time that is what most people who write blogs and updates end up doing, I know I did. However I don't really think that is a bad thing. What it allows us to do is talk openly in an environment, where whilst you may not get answers, you will never be judged harshly for your feelings.
Unlike the outside world where mostly we plaster smiles on our faces and go about our business, in here we can cry, vent, laugh (happily or like a maniac) and do it freely without constraint or fear. That's a healthy thing, so keep on writing, because you can look back at it when you need to see how far you have come or how bad you have felt in the past and still made it through.
As for the revelations - please don't see them as massive mountains to overcome. You are a smart guy, so break it down. The great technique of setting a time to think about these things - say from 4-5pm and only choose one of the things to think about. Say pick one family member a week to think about and work on that and that alone. When you have come to a level place in your mind about that, pick something else, but keep it within that time limit. That is a CBT excercise which I found so so useful as it mean't I wasn't just hiding things away or refusing to confront them, but i Wasn't allowing them to rule my life either.
If you feel up to CBT and your counsellor agrees it does tackle things like our usually wrong opinions of ourselves and need for reassurance or desire to conform etc. I didn't think it would do anything for me and yet I still find myself tackling problems by going back an revisiting that training.
I will just say, try not to be so hard on yourself. I remember once saying to be CBT mentor that my main fear was not being able to cope and she had me drill down further and further into it and then basically said "so what". If you can't cope, what does it actually mean and when I stared it right in the face it mean't nothing, just that I would actually cope with whatever it was because I alwyas had done in one way or another. These days I am much less demanding of myself and much more appreciative of my positives.
You can do it and you will do it, just give yourself the space and time to do it.
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If you are falling from a height you may as well try to fly as what else is there