Second Dawn: coming off citalopram

[NoPoet]

Hi if anyone is reading this!!

I am considering biting the bullet and going back onto citalopram.

I am still having a blip with no signs of breaking free. The occasional moments of relief always seem to be spoiled by my chatterbox, and I am experiencing nausea and heartburn as well, so when I do start feeling more positive, the sick feeling in my stomach sparks the anxiety off again. I also feel a bit "hungover" which is probably because I've started sleeping in a bit while listening to hypnotherapy mp3s - this always seems to zonk me.

This blip shows me that even though I felt ready to come off the cit, a combination of things happening in my life at the minute means I'm possibly not strong enough to cope on my own. There's probably no way to know whether things would be different if I'd tapered my dose instead of simply dropping it altogether.

My counselling should start hopefully within 2 weeks. If I'm feeling no better by then I will look at going back on to the citalopram.

[NoPoet]

I'm just wondering if anyone can give me some support or reassurance? I am still quite anxious and I have now arranged hypnotherapy for this Saturday morning - and the hypnotherapist doesn't even work Saturdays. She's doing this as a favour to me.

She said to see if I could get by without the citalopram until my counselling has started, which looks like it will be next week - what do people think? Please help.

[mike2512]

Hi mate, I know how horrible your feeling, its been 4 months since i stopped and after going back to the doctors yesterday she said im still suffering with discontinuation Syndrome which i thinks is a load of crap! I Do take Propranolol when my anxiety is high and it does reduce my symptoms and calm me down its just that voice in my head that keeps the cycle going. She did say to me yesterday to go back on the Cit but im trying my best not to because iv come so far i think its the easy way for the doctor its less effort for them and i also think they dont know enough on it all. Hang in there mate.

[allergyphobia]

Hi Psycho - the man, the legend!

I can't give you too much advice as I haven't been on meds.

So this may not be advice you agree with, it's only my interpretation...

But i get the impression you are using the cit as a safety blanket. You think now the meds aren't in your system then you can't be strong. But that isn't true. You just feel as though one of your support systems has gone - but you can put new ones in place, to make you feel stronger - hypnotherapy, counselling, your mp3s and also, coming on here and talking about how you are feeling.

Sorry if i've offended you, like I say I haven't taken meds so can't imagine the physical effect they have. But I still believe you are the one that has done the hard work - not them - to get yourself to the point where you wanted to come off them.

That decision took strength and courage - and that doesn't come in a packet.

Look forward to Saturday. Until then, be kind to yourself. Chat to people on here, go for some fresh air, watch some old movies, whatever it is you like - you need a little comforting right now and there is no shame in that

[NoPoet]

Hi everyone - THANK YOU, this is just what I needed

Mike - I have considered asking for anti-anxiety medication or even going back on the cit but am reluctant to do so. If this blip carries on or gets worse then I'll start a low dose of cit and work back up til I find a suitable dose, hopefully as low as possible.

Allergyphobia - Thanks I think that unfortunately the medication was working so well it gave me a false opinion of how far I'd come - either that, or I came off the meds too quick during a period that proved to be very difficult. This is the first major blip I've had without meds to back me up.

My dad reckons it's my job that brings me down - I have always had a very difficult time going to school or work or wherever and it's a problem that has made my life horrible at times (and it's been hell for my parents). I know for a fact that when I think about work I feel sick and my mood drops.

When I'm there I tend to enjoy it even though it's just a call centre with repetitive work and stupid hours. I have been looking elsewhere but the creeping thought comes back: what happens if I simply feel this way about the new job? The problem is mostly within me and I take it wherever I go.

Finally, I just phoned Anxiety UK and they haven't processed my counselling application - they reckon they're going to get a counsellor to ring me today to sort my first appointment.

[Asha1979]

Psychopoet just went to my doctor today and she upped my dose to 30mg. I'm glad, I don't care if i have to take these forever as long as i'm not a nervous wreck or as depressed as I was. I only came down to 20mg as i was pregnant but now my baby is 8 months old I am going back up to the 30mg. I don't feel bad or weak, actually quite the opposite - I suffer with anxiety and take meds that help just like people with other illnesses take meds to help them. I'm thinking of you and your blip and hoping you come out of it real soon! xxx

[heavenly]

.

My dad reckons it's my job that brings me down - I have always had a very difficult time going to school or work or wherever and it's a problem that has made my life horrible at times (and it's been hell for my parents). I know for a fact that when I think about work I feel sick and my mood drops.

When I'm there I tend to enjoy it even though it's just a call centre with repetitive work and stupid hours. I have been looking elsewhere but the creeping thought comes back: what happens if I simply feel this way about the new job? The problem is mostly within me and I take it wherever I go.

Hi there, sorry you are having a rough time at the moment. Reading about your job situation, this my situation, don't know if it resonates with you. For me, my job is a part of my depression and anxiety. I have always had full time busy PA/secretarial jobs and before my anxiety started, I decided to go part-time, thought I'd have a bit of a break and it was ok for a while. But post anxiety and depression, everything has changed, I have to take a real hard long look at myself and what I want out of life. This job is hampering me, I am not fulfilled at all and my idle negative chatter starts and I start to get my anxiety back when I wake up. And I don't want the depression back, I have not had that since the new year, but the longer I stay in this job, I worry that it may reappear so I need to do something! I am doing so well with other aspects, counselling, exercise etc, finding the right dosage for Cit, but I know I need a career change and want to work with children, so will be looking at doing a teaching assistant diploma and am also going to volunteer in a local primary school. My counsellor is so supportive and is motivating me to believe in myself and that I can change things if I really want to. I hope that helps.

And re the Cit, don't beat yourself up, it must be hard to know when you are okay to come off it. Hard to tell is it the Cit making you feel ok or is it all down to you? It's all trial and error, you have given it a go but you are struggling, it's ok to need some help.

[JaneC]

Adam, how's it going today? Are you feeling any better? x

[NoPoet]

Hi everyone, thanks for the wonderful replies, I appreciate your comments and advice. Sorry for yet another massive post.

Asha - You're right, what the hell does it matter if we have to take pills to feel better? What's wrong with using the tools at our disposal? Nothing. If I have to go back onto the cit I will do so - I guess by that point there will be counselling and hypnotherapy in place to help. I'm sure the increase in dose will work for you and nobody says you have to be on 30mg forever.

Heavenly - Yep, that about says it all! Going part time can actually make things worse as you then start resenting having to go at all. On the other hand if you have therapy and coping strategies in place, maybe part time is best for you at the moment, so long as you make the most of them; be glad you haven't got to wait another 2 weeks just to hear from a counsellor about making a first appointment!

I think what you and I have, and no doubt a lot of people who suffer problems with work also have, is perhaps a kind of "separation anxiety" - we hate being taken away from either our loved ones, or our home, or both. Maybe you could try targeting that? I know that plays a huge part in all my problems: being surrounded by strangers who won't necessarily care about me, feeling isolated, those are fears that are coming back and need to be dealt with. Let me know how you get on with that.

I was actually logging in to say that I think I might be reaching the turning point in this blip. I've been feeling just a tiny bit stronger every day and when I phoned the Samaritans last night, I deliberately changed things: I was in a different room of the house and I kept the conversation positive. It was just some much-needed relief after a day feeling tense at work and it really helped me feel better. It's slow and painful but it seems to be happening...

EDIT: As I've phoned the samaritans so much I have started recognising voices and one of them told me today I sound a million times better than when I spoke to her on Sunday, more positive and less depressed!

If I can come out of this blip without medication (I'm not counting inositol, which I have been using nearly every day, as medication) it will be a huge victory and a massive morale booster. In fact I think it will heal a lot of damage, and will put me on the road to recovery once more.

[bgm]

Hi poet,
Just a brief message to say hang on in there.
I have only been taking cit for two weeks 40 mg but im doing remarkably well. Anxiety is at its lowest ever! Just now, it wouldnt bother me if i had to remain on cit for the rest of my life, it certainly beats some of the bleak places i've been without it.
I know its very early days, but my mood has lifted and my anger and anxiety are gone.
Take care.