Terror taking over my life after mum dying, desperate for help :(

[ElectricAlice]

Hi, in October my mother who I was extremely close to suddenly passed away (by suddenly I mean in 20 minutes when everyone thought she was fine). I have never felt pain, despair and darkness like I have. I am struggling with the grief, and miss her more than anything.

But what makes it extremely more difficult is that I have developed chronic health anxiety in the past month. My mum died of DVT, a blood clot in her leg moving to her lung and causing an embolism. I am absolutely terrified this is going to happen to me. I suffer from bad chest pain, and have done for about 7 months now. And have been told this is anxiety after various blood tests, pulse/heart checks all coming back fine. What is worse is that I now have had an achy left leg for the past couple weeks, I cant stop checking how it looks to see if it's swollen (it's not) and obsessively feeling and comparing it. I've been back to the doctors and she said it's 100% nothing to worry about but I can't help it, I'm convinced it's s blood clot. My question is, can anxiety cause an achy leg? It's not really bad pain and usually when I'm distracted it goes away. I also feel like I can't get enough breath into my lungs and feel like breathing isn't natural anymore, like I'm going to stop breathing. The anxiety is taking over my life. Completely, I'm at my wits end and I just don't know what to do. I cant keep going back to the doctors. Please help me :( thanks so much if you read all this.

[Captain Caveman]

Hi Alice. Sorry that you won't have your Mum around. I see you are up late. Like you say, you can't keep going back to the docs. My doc once said to me it's people like you who keep me in a job. Eventually, one needs to stop rushing to the docs and googling and seeking constant reassurance. It's scary to change, but it will be the best thing for you long term. Here is an article that might help. (I'm not overly convinced about No.3, but the rest should be helpful to you) http://www.ocdchicago.org/images/uploads/pdf/EP13.pdf

[mom1982]

Hi, sorry for your loss. Did you have anx before your mom passed? because you mentioned she passed in oct and you have been having anxious issues for 7 months.

I developed health anx 2-3 days after my grandma suddenly passed away in 2008. I was extremely close to her too, she practically brought me up. I have been suffering with health anx ever since. the first few months to a year is very difficult and it slowly gets better as you work on your thoughts and begin to realise that you are physically fine as all the docs cant find anything seriously wrong. but many things trigger it and it comes back now and then.

many people feel better after CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and most people(if not all) need to see to see a psychologist or counsellor to talk about your feelings and learn coping strategies. Are you seeing anyone for this?

There is hope, hang in there! but it takes time and hard work to manage anxiety. it's a horrible thing and messes with our brain and thinking patterns and we believe things that are not true.

[Granny Primark]

so sorry bout your loss. loads of hugs.
My mum also died very suddenly so I fully understand how you are feeling.
My mum died in her sleep and for months I was frightened to go to sleep.
Ask your dr for some counselling to give you some reassurance.
Hope you feel better soon.
Good luck.

[HazG]

I so feel your pain i lost my mum too last jan almost a year ago and i too have suffered with all these symptoms i have never experiened before! i miss my mum and watching her pass away was the worse thing in my life.It was all very quick and all very sudden and the build up to what happened was horrible...

I too went to my GP's every 5 mins and he was very good with me,it wasn;t untill my daughter said look mum your not going to die you don't have cancer you have to stop going to the Drs and it sort of hit home but it has taken almost 12 months to feel anything like normal again.

I'm so sorry for your loss keep your chin up you will get there in the end

[judipat]

Hello Alice
So very sorry to hear about your Mum.
I have suffered HA, GAD and PA's for the last 30 years - but not constantly, there have been many years where I have been free from it.
In the last ten years, I have lost both my Mum and Dad. My Mum had stomach cancer and my Dad,sister and I nursed her for nearly two years - it was awful. Looking back, I dont know how I got through those days as I had three small children at the time. She was 65 when she died.
My dad on the other hand, at 81, was playing golf one day and died the next of an aortic anurism. Boy! what a shock - I still cant beleive it sometimes now.
What I wanted to say to you was this; Grief affects us all in different ways and for different lengths of time.
You dont say how old your Mum was, but did she have a long life, a good life, a loving family? etc, etc. She certainly had a daughter that loved her very much eh? Try and focus on the good times you had with her, the laughs you had. Yes, it will be sad, but it will stop you panicing and focussing on the illness etc. Also ask yourself, "what would Mum say about all this??" Chances are she would tell you to not dwell on it and go live your life.
I dont for one minute doubt all your physical symptoms, but they are all a result of depression, anxiety and panic. If you hav'nt already, read up all the info you can on this site and books etc and try and understand and accept how anxiety/panic affects your body. When you understand, its a lot easier to accept.
Take care
Judi xx

[bronte]

im so sorry you are going through this i lost my precious mum 2 years ago and i know your pain i too was very close to my mum infact we lived next door to each other which made it harder when mum died my mum was 68 and my dad died at 54 nearly 21 years ago and thats when my health anxiety first started but when my mum died 2 years ago my health anxiety went through the roof and i have put myself through test i didnt really need i know exactly how you feel my mum helped me through my anxiety patches but since shes gone i feel so alone sometimes desperate i miss her so much the pain is physicle as well as mental i thought i would die of a broken heart but it does ease you will never get over losing your precious mum but you will learn to live with it in time pm me any time i will always talk to you and help you the best i can i send you a hugx

[eyeface]

Hi there, I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. I came to this forum for the same reasons- I've been having bad HA since my Dad died last May. At first I didn't put two and two together, and realise that this concern with my health was linked to my Dad. But you suddenly realise, when you see so many posts of this nature on this forum, that it is extremely common to feel anxious about your health following the death of someone close to you.

So what I'm saying is, all the posts about HA following the death of a loved one should help to prove to you that what you are feeling (including the pains) is directly linked to what happened. My Dad died of a heart attack, and now I very often feel chest pains. I get leg pains sometimes, but since that's not related to how my Dad died, I take no notice- same as you'd probably be less inclined to take notice of any little chest twinges you get.

Keep pushing on- you will get better.

[gaaron]

Hi, I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mum and the pain you are in xx

[ElectricAlice]

Thankyou all so much for your replies. I feel at last like someone understands. My family and friends are so so great but they can't actually understand because they just keep saying I'm fine. Which is good, but they don't understand the terror. And the way your mind works and connects everything. so thankyou so much for taking the time

I mean the doctors would have found something wouldn't they? I'm only 22 and my mum was only 54, she went to the doctors twice prior to her sudden death and nothing was done, which is why I'm so angry, untrusting and scared they're missing something on me.

Is it possible that the anxiety is causing leg pain? I don't understand fully how it works. I was getting chest pain on the right side prior to mums death, which makes it more scary but I figured it must have been a pulled muscle from backpacking with a 3 stone backpack. I also read about anemia and how this can cause chest pain and leg pain.

I just cant get it out of my head I have a clot. If anyone has had experience of one legged leg aching whilst resting, and shooting pains in my ankles. (I only got these pains when I realised it's a symptom of dtv which makes me think it is anxiety a bit more. But you know the vicious cycle your mind works in. So any knowledge would help so much.

Also how do I go about trying to see a therapist? I don't have enough money to see one privately :(. I'm still living in the house where I saw mum pass away. I saw it all happen, and it was extremely traumatic. I'm finding it so hard to cope, I feel like I need help but don't know how to get it :(