Help!! I really don't want to live like this any longer

[Trundler]

HI All

Not been here for awhile. Had some fab advice on taking cit - thank you all - however now I'm wondering whether it was all worth it.

I got made redundant and started my own business - early stages yet but very stressful - part of what I'm having to do is make semi cold calls to potential customers for my business and I am finding it really difficult almost too difficult. Its taking me an hour of psyching myself up to make these calls and it's doing my head in. I hate being useless but I know that I am. I know I can make it work the only thing stopping me is me.

I went cold turkey from the citalopram back in mid december dropped down from 40 mg to 20 and the thought sod this I can do without this muck. So I quit.

But now I keep crying all the time and feeling that the world would be better off without me.

I put on a happy face for the doctor when I went to see him on a non fraggle related problem and he seemed ok with me not taking the cit. I was terrified that I would be sectioned for not taking my medication so I really put on a good performance for him.

Now I don't know what to do. I NEED to be able to have the self confidence to make these cold calls and deal with the 80% of people who politely tell me to bugger off.

I really bloody hate this I really do. I wish I had never taken Cit at all it doesn't seem to have improved things for me at all. I should be able to deal with this stuff it's not bloody rocket science.

Because I'm stressing over the calls I'm neglecting the housework, neglecting myself and getting myself into a right state. I don't want to go out and meet people socially anymore either.

I wish I could temporarily die and wake up better.

Sorry about the rant I just don't know where else to turn.

While I was on the cit I did have self confidence and was buzzing round getting stuff sorted out but now I'm just feel that I'm running between feeling fairly useless, useless and really useless.

Trundler

PS I'm drinking more alcohol than I used to and that is worrying me as well as it's giving me nightmares that are with me all day long.

[Nigel]

Hi Trundler,

I’m sorry to hear about the redundancy, but well done for doing something proactive about it by starting your own business.

I’d hate doing cold calling too, so your not alone. It’s not being useless – some things we’re good at, some things we’re not, that’s all. It seems like this one little task is taking up so much of your time, and no doubt distracting from other work that needs to be done. So I was wondering... is it essential, or would it be better to focus on the things you can do for now? Or is there another way? Perhaps by email, or even old fashioned letters, or leaflets if it’s local. Dunno... maybe that wouldn’t be aggressive enough to get results

Or is there somebody else you could enlist to make the calls? Friend, family member, ex colleague who was made redundant too? Even if you had to pay a small amount for their services, you might find you made more in the long run by focusing on the parts of the business you’re better at. Managing your weaknesses and playing to your strengths.

“I NEED to be able to have the self confidence to make these cold calls and deal with the 80% of people who politely tell me to bugger off.”

You need to develop a really thick skin for that, and I’m sure there are many people who aren’t even polite about it. Suppose it takes good self esteem – a solid belief in oneself as a person – to be able to do that. Perhaps self esteem is something you could read up on.

“I went cold turkey from the citalopram back in mid december dropped down from 40 mg to 20 and the thought sod this I can do without this muck. So I quit.”

This could also be still having an effect, so try to make allowances for that fact too. Many of these drugs work by suppressing the emotions. As you said, while you were on them you had the confidence, but in a way it wasn’t so much the confidence but the dulling of all those other negative and often limiting feelings and self beliefs.

Over time the brain starts to compensate for the effects of the drug, hence why the dose is often increased. But it comes to the point where there is a balance. When a person suddenly stops, the brain is still overcompensating for the drug’s effect, and that cause very intense emotions. Often the person experiences all their old feelings, but intensified. That’s why it’s always recommended to withdraw gradually. I guess it’s best to stick with quitting now, but try to make allowances for the way you feel for now.

Best of luck with the business
Nigel

[Anxious_gal]

you could try EFT tapping before making the calls? give it a go it might help x

http://www.google.ie/search?aq=f&sou...2121d28dc8cff2

[anx mum]

HI All

Not been here for awhile. Had some fab advice on taking cit - thank you all - however now I'm wondering whether it was all worth it.

I got made redundant and started my own business - early stages yet but very stressful - part of what I'm having to do is make semi cold calls to potential customers for my business and I am finding it really difficult almost too difficult. Its taking me an hour of psyching myself up to make these calls and it's doing my head in. I hate being useless but I know that I am. I know I can make it work the only thing stopping me is me.

I went cold turkey from the citalopram back in mid december dropped down from 40 mg to 20 and the thought sod this I can do without this muck. So I quit.

But now I keep crying all the time and feeling that the world would be better off without me.

I put on a happy face for the doctor when I went to see him on a non fraggle related problem and he seemed ok with me not taking the cit. I was terrified that I would be sectioned for not taking my medication so I really put on a good performance for him.

Now I don't know what to do. I NEED to be able to have the self confidence to make these cold calls and deal with the 80% of people who politely tell me to bugger off.

I really bloody hate this I really do. I wish I had never taken Cit at all it doesn't seem to have improved things for me at all. I should be able to deal with this stuff it's not bloody rocket science.

Because I'm stressing over the calls I'm neglecting the housework, neglecting myself and getting myself into a right state. I don't want to go out and meet people socially anymore either.

I wish I could temporarily die and wake up better.

Sorry about the rant I just don't know where else to turn.

While I was on the cit I did have self confidence and was buzzing round getting stuff sorted out but now I'm just feel that I'm running between feeling fairly useless, useless and really useless.

Trundler

PS I'm drinking more alcohol than I used to and that is worrying me as well as it's giving me nightmares that are with me all day long.

Hiya hun, can really relate to how u feel living like this is hell its no life, its only my hubby and kids who keep me going. Perharps u should go back to your doc and discuss meds? Im sure things will improve for us

[Trundler]

Hiya hun, can really relate to how u feel living like this is hell its no life, its only my hubby and kids who keep me going. Perharps u should go back to your doc and discuss meds? Im sure things will improve for us

For personal reasons I really don't want to have to go back to the doctors to ask for more meds. I don't want any more 'mental health' stuff on my medical records in case it causes problems for me later on in life. This is why if I could get Cit 'off the books' IYSWIM then I'd be there with my chequebook asking for a supply of 20mg Citlaopram.

[Trundler]

Hi Trundler,

I’m sorry to hear about the redundancy, but well done for doing something proactive about it by starting your own business.Nigel

Thanks.

I’d hate doing cold calling too, so your not alone. It’s not being useless – some things we’re good at, some things we’re not, that’s all. It seems like this one little task is taking up so much of your time, and no doubt distracting from other work that needs to be done. So I was wondering... is it essential, or would it be better to focus on the things you can do for now? Or is there another way? Perhaps by email, or even old fashioned letters, or leaflets if it’s local. Dunno... maybe that wouldn’t be aggressive enough to get results Nigel

I've done a huge physical mailout but I need to follow up the letters with calls. At the moment I'm psyching myself up doing five calls and then crying about my uselessness.

Or is there somebody else you could enlist to make the calls? Friend, family member, ex colleague who was made redundant too? Even if you had to pay a small amount for their services, you might find you made more in the long run by focusing on the parts of the business you’re better at. Managing your weaknesses and playing to your strengths.Nigel

I think that is probably what I need to do.

“I NEED to be able to have the self confidence to make these cold calls and deal with the 80% of people who politely tell me to bugger off.”

You need to develop a really thick skin for that, and I’m sure there are many people who aren’t even polite about it. Suppose it takes good self esteem – a solid belief in oneself as a person – to be able to do that. Perhaps self esteem is something you could read up on.Nigel

That's what hurts I used to have such a thick skin. I could blunder my way through some pretty dangerous situations because things didn't appear to faze me. I'll try a self esteem book but my experiences with self help books hasn't been good.

“I went cold turkey from the citalopram back in mid december dropped down from 40 mg to 20 and the thought sod this I can do without this muck. So I quit.”

This could also be still having an effect, so try to make allowances for that fact too. Many of these drugs work by suppressing the emotions. As you said, while you were on them you had the confidence, but in a way it wasn’t so much the confidence but the dulling of all those other negative and often limiting feelings and self beliefs.Nigel

Good point. I hated the fact that I couldn't 'feel' when I was on Cit. I wonder whether or not I should have just flushed the cit down the toilet and seen if I could have got better with a lot of rest. Have I made a rod for my own back bytaking it in the first place?

Over time the brain starts to compensate for the effects of the drug, hence why the dose is often increased. But it comes to the point where there is a balance. When a person suddenly stops, the brain is still overcompensating for the drug’s effect, and that cause very intense emotions. Often the person experiences all their old feelings, but intensified. That’s why it’s always recommended to withdraw gradually. I guess it’s best to stick with quitting now, but try to make allowances for the way you feel for now.

Best of luck with the business
Nigel

Thanks I've started to get some customers and I know January is quiet and I know I've only been in business properly for a month but I feel that I need to make these calls to feel that I'm doing something. The problem is I'm going on a 'schlep and sell' trip on monday round the local engineering firms and I'm less nervous about walking into someones firm and chatting about my business than I am calling people.

[judipat]

For personal reasons I really don't want to have to go back to the doctors to ask for more meds. I don't want any more 'mental health' stuff on my medical records in case it causes problems for me later on in life. This is why if I could get Cit 'off the books' IYSWIM then I'd be there with my chequebook asking for a supply of 20mg Citlaopram.

Why are you so afraid/ashamed to have a "mental health" history??
Anyone with anxiety, depression, panic disorders etc, has a mental health problem - dos'nt mean they will have a criminal record or they are bad people to be avoided.
What is the difference between having a "physical" health problem as opposed to having a "mental" health problem?? I will tell you - stigma and ignorance. Some people hear "mental health" and immediately think, lunatics, crazy people, psychiatric wards etc etc.
A lot of people just have short term mental health problems and yes, this will be on your health records for good reasons. However, your health records are completely confidentual so, only health professionals would ever see them.
There is nothing to be ashamed of to say to others " I have an anxiety problem or whatever". you are not being weak or pathetic - you are being true to yourself. Acceptance is the key to overcomming this illness.
You sound like a very strong minded person that is getting frustrated with your illness - I too have been like this - but give it a little time, be patient and kind to yourself and you will overcome it and learn to manage it.

Best wishes
Judi

[Trundler]

For personal reasons I really don't want to have to go back to the doctors to ask for more meds. I don't want any more 'mental health' stuff on my medical records in case it causes problems for me later on in life. This is why if I could get Cit 'off the books' IYSWIM then I'd be there with my chequebook asking for a supply of 20mg Citlaopram.

Why are you so afraid/ashamed to have a "mental health" history??Best wishes
Judi

Because my wife and I would like to foster or adopt a child at some point in the future and having more than one MH episode on med records may preclude this. Basically I don't trust social workers any further than I can spit. I have seen them do some appalling things to conform with whichever their current dogma is at the time.

Anyone with anxiety, depression, panic disorders etc, has a mental health problem - dos'nt mean they will have a criminal record or they are bad people to be avoided.
What is the difference between having a "physical" health problem as opposed to having a "mental" health problem?? I will tell you - stigma and ignorance. Some people hear "mental health" and immediately think, lunatics, crazy people, psychiatric wards etc etc.
A lot of people just have short term mental health problems and yes, this will be on your health records for good reasons. However, your health records are completely confidentual so, only health professionals would ever see them.
There is nothing to be ashamed of to say to others " I have an anxiety problem or whatever". you are not being weak or pathetic - you are being true to yourself. Acceptance is the key to overcomming this illness.
You sound like a very strong minded person that is getting frustrated with your illness - I too have been like this - but give it a little time, be patient and kind to yourself and you will overcome it and learn to manage it. Best wishes
Judi

I agree with you that in an ideal world MH wouldn't have a stigma attached to it but in the real world it does. It's not just the adoption / fostering thing it affects everything. It affects whether or I can work in certain areas also it shows up on vetting searches if I want to do contracts for certain areas of the public sector.

No the world isn't fluffy and I'd rather pay a little more for my meds than have a second MH episode on my records. Maybe if I had not quit the Cit and had just had a continuation of the script it would have been OK but a second MH tag on the records makes me look dodgy - which I am most definitely not.



Trundler

[Trundler]

You sound like a very strong minded person that is getting frustrated with your illness - I too have been like this - but give it a little time, be patient and kind to yourself and you will overcome it and learn to manage it.

Best wishes
Judi

I am getting really frustrated with this illness. I hate the way that it puts stumbling blocks in my way and I'm too weak and pathetic to move them from my path.

[ladybird64]

I can certainly hear and feel the frustration coming through your posts and I totally understand it.

I'm an ex-Cit user, stopped cold in October last year and got hammered by side effects. I also have an adversion to going to the GP..took me more than 25 yrs to get myself there and be put on the Cit!

However, I took myself off for probably the same reasons that you did and have stayed off them. Life is definitely not as sweet as it was while I was taking them (I felt like Superwoman ) but I'm not going back on them as I feel you have got to come off them sometime!

Going through everything you have written it's the cold calling that's the trouble, the rest you can manage. The advice about getting somebody in to do this particular task seems sound to me, leaves you to get on with things further up the line.

I'm not going to say be kind to yourself because at the moment, I don't think you're going to listen..you're too peed off with yourself!

By all means let the frustration out but once you have done that take a step back and rationalise the situation.

At this precise moment in time you can't handle the phone calls. Doesn't matter why and no amount of kicking yourself around the room will change that so you have to work around that issue.

Secondly..do you really want to go back on the Cit again or do you want to be the person you were when you were taking it?
I'm not trying to put you off but I think you need to take a long look at your motives..are they enough to make you go back on meds again or is this frustration talking?

You will gain strength by rationalising and figuring out a way to cope with the immediate problem Im sure of that. When the next problem comes along (it's life, comes with probs!) then you will be able to manage that too.

Maybe not in the way you used to, or the way you THINK you should but in the way that is most effective for you at the moment.

Good luck