Shall I go?

[midgey]

Hi,

I just wanted others opinions on this if you can please?

I have just signed up to a really expensive health spa. It has pool, sauna, jacuzzi, quiet rooms with bird music, yoga, tai chi etc etc.
Problem is that I suffer from awful anxiety and panic when I am faced with something new and when I feel trapped. (I have diagnosed myself to have agoraphobia). I just know that I will feel trapped when in a class etc and I am waking up the last few mornings in a panic with my heart going mad etc etc.

I know that I need to focuson the reasons I joined which were to help my anxiety but by signing up for a year, I feel I now have no choice (does that make sense to anyone?), I feel like I have put so much pressure on myself, and considering it was done to try and help me, I feel it's having the oposite effect.

Do you think I should contact them and try to get out of the contract as it's causing me so much stress, or should I try and get there?

I'd really welcome your comments as it's really hard for my husband to understand, thanks

[European]

Hi Michelle,

I think the problem is not so much the health spa, but the fact that you are putting yourself under a massive, massive pressure. It is not true that you don't have a choice - it is all your choice, as you are the one paying for the health spa, and so it should be you to decide whether you're going to use the opportunity or whether you are going to waste it.

There is not much point in going to the health spa if you merely do it in order to comply with a bad conscience, or that nasty little voice in the back of your head. Of course you will feel trapped listening to this voice - anybody would. The question is: Are you going to give into it and allow it to take power over you?

For a change, I think it would be important to look at the bright side and all the positives the health spa might entail. You need to motivate yourself in doing what you want to do because it will benefit you, instead of putting yourself under a massive pressure that only makes you feel trapped.

Just bear in mind that if you should shy away from going, this will have the effect of reinforcing your anxiety. It will only serve to associate going to a new place and starting something new with fear in the future, and thus cementing your current problems and making your life more difficult. Avoidance is at the very heart of the panic.

Also, it is a widely known fact that physical exercise burns the adrenalin we build up during a panic attack. And consequently exercising might lead to a new experience for you in terms of learning to cope with the panic.

But again, I think it's your decision, and your decision only. There are very good reasons for going, not so good reasons for not going, but you can only decide this for yourself. Over to you.

[paula lynne]

Hi Michelle, I too suffer with anxiety, panic and agoraphobia. Last year, my mate booked us into a spa for the weekend at the Malverns. I was horrified!! Shed paid in full, so I felt I had no choice but to go. I was terrified.

I took my paper bag, my lavender, my susan jeffers tapes, and 1 valium 2mg...."just in case"......I didnt use any of them. I opted for the treatments I knew Id enjoy, and avoided the steam rooms etc as Im not to good in the heat. It was wonderful.

Ok, I did feel dizzy most of the time, and had some ectopics, but nothing I couldnt handle. The worst case scenario would have been a panic attack. It didnt happen. All I can say to you is go for it. Step out of the comfort zone. You will be controlled by your illness unless you make a stand.

Take your illness with you...I get dizzy and say to myself.."Ok, Im off, dizzy, you can come too..." You will be so glad you tried, and even if it doesnt all go according to plan, youll have made massive progress. Go for it! x

[paula lynne]

Completely agree with European on this one, well put.

[JaneC]

Have to agree with European and Paula, Michelle. You might get short-term relief from cancelling but in the long run it's not going to make you feel any better about anything.

I have done a lot of avoiding situations that make me panic in the past and I do understand it's a really hard thing to stop (I haven't done so fully even now ) but please go if you can - and trying to look at the positive, enjoyable aspects instead of what you fear is a really good tip. If you really can't go, then you can't but if that's the case you need IMO to think about why and how you are going to overcome this xx

[midgey]

Hi European, Paula Lynne and Jane C,

Thank you so much for your replies.

I've got to say that your replies hit a very raw nerve, and had me in tears. It's like when your mum tells you something you don't want to hear but you can't help but know that she's right.

I've had anxiety for about 2 years, and as I said, noone has actually diagnosed what it is, but having read loads of books etc I can identify with all of the agoraphobia description. You know what it's like when you read something that is spot on.......you get a feeling of "how do they know that, that's just how I feel"....I know that's what I have, and I am trying to do everything I can to get over it.

Having said that, European, you really hit the nail on the head...Everything you said....it's like you are in my head !!
NO, in answer to your question, I AM NOT GOING TO LET THIS TAKE ME OVER.......I will go, to begin the process of taking back my life.

Paula Lynne, I love the "Right, I'm off and dizziness you can come too" !! Love it !! I really am going to try that. ared of being out of I am still so scared of loosing control and like you, I feel dizzy, paplpitations...even the thought of the induction is filling me with dread. Now though, I will say " Right, I'm off to spa, you can come or you can all P*** O** !!!! that is to the palpitations, dizziness, shortness of breath, feelings of detachment etc etc.

You have been so motivating, really, Thank You all xxxxxx

[gaaron]

Hi Midgey, I'm thanking you for your thread. Reading it and the answers from European, Paula and JaneC have helped me x

[ladybird64]

Hi Michelle

Add another voice to the chorus of "go!'s", what I can guarantee is that if you don't go you will feel so low, resentful and guilty for the wasted opportunity, it will hit you very hard.

I too never had a official diagnosis of Agoraphobia but kind of did a self-diagnosis job after reading info on the Internet.

Try and look on it this way..as the others have said your anxiety and agora can come with you for the ride..because you know that you carry your agora in your head don't you..it's not in a place!

This is a golden opportunity for some Midgey therapy..you can do some reading there, practice some relaxation techniques there..or even better do nothing at all...the spa is your oyster.

And I would just like to point out that I am insanely jealous as I will probably never get the chance to do something as wonderful as that (was also jealous of Paula last year ) but am always delighted when I see someone give it their best shot.

Have a great time

[European]

" I AM NOT GOING TO LET THIS TAKE ME OVER.......I will go, to begin the process of taking back my life.">Midgey

Good for you - that's a good attitude to have!

Just be kind to yourself; be patient with yourself, and if you should feel the anxiety rise, don't run away from it but ride it like a wave.

Be aware that the more you might avoid and try to run away, the bigger your anxiety will become. The more you avoid and try to run away, the more you will feed it and the longer the anxiety will stay and the more intense it will become.

No matter what, there is a good chance that the anxiety will rear its ugly head in order to try and frighten you into submission. In case this happens, try to stare back, and you will give yourself a chance to realise that the monster is basically toothless and, well.... rather fluffy, really.

Don't fall into the big mistake of berating yourself and giving yourself a hard time if you can't hold the stare or fail to stare back at a particular moment in time - you are only human and can only do what you're doing. And Rome wasn't built in a day. So, again, be kind to yourself; be patient with yourself. But try not to avoid.

I've come across a great saying recently, which I think is holding a lot of truth:

"Those who have made the first step have already achieved half of the task!"

All the best!

[pia]

Hi Midgey

Welldone for making the first step and signing up x
Reading the responses to your post have actually helped me a bit too! Theres some really good advice here. Ive started running to try and help with my anxiety and it honestly is helping- i feel so much calmer afterwards. It did take me several attempts before i could even get out of the front door at the begining though!
'..and if you should feel the anxiety rise, don't run away from it but ride it like a wave' thats a good way of looking at it!!
Hope it all goes ok for you. Let us know how you get on.
xxx