I'M CROSS - AND NEED TO RANT

[Matt]

Again another post of yours that made me smile! You should write a book!! haha

[Laurie28]

Matt,

I totally agree with you!! Charlie should an author or stand up comedian

They do say there is a fine line between nutter and genius though........

Lucky
(PS I give up trying to protect the innocent from mad auntie charlie as I really can't win against her!!! So Charlie I back down kids are all brats!!!)

[Matt]

And we are all on the former side of that line!

[Lottie32]

I knew I'd win in the end - but it's not just the brats.

It's the afflicted, who seem to think us unafflicted actually appreciate and want the company of their brats.

Take pubs for example .... When I was little you thought yourself lucky if you got to sit in the car with a packet of crisps and a coke (with a straw). Nowadays there are brats in most pubs. Why?

They have loads of places to socialise that I'M not allowed (try getting in the ball pit at your local Charlie Chalks Childrens theme pub and you'll know what I mean), so why should I want them inflicting on me when I pop out for a pint?

I DON'T. And I don't understand why the afflicted don't realise that.

To me it's quite simple. If I'm driving along, and fancy a pint, and a pie, then I look out for a pub. If I see that the pub has a large plastic tree in the garden which is wearing a yellow hat and sunglasses, and the board outside said establishment has some sort of cartoon bear, usually wearing bright primary coloured pyjamas, then I know that this is a themed kids pub.

It is unlikely to have a pool table, darts board, proper beer, cutlery that isn't plastic, duke box and a smoking area. So I DRIVE ON AND DON'T STOP. It is a pub for the afflicted and their offspring, and they should stick to them.

In return, I don't expect the afflicted to bring their brats to my local, where I want to play pool, watch the rugby/football/boxing, play songs other than the Postman Pat theme tune, and ones which may include offensive language, and sit down at a table without encountering a partially chewed Haribo, or putting my elbow in a Munch Bunch yoghurt pot.

I also want to admonish the referee of whatever game I'm watching in time honoured tradition, or call my opponent at pool a spawny barstool (or words to that effect) when he plays a winning fluke shot at pool.

Yet try and do this, and the afflicted will glare at you, and reprimand you with the words, "Do you mind watching your language, there are children present"

To which the correct response would be (if I was rude enough or brave enough) "Yes, and they are in the bloody pub, so they'd better get used to it, or alternatively why don't you fcuk off down to the ***** (insert name of local plastic tree kids pub).

Some afflicted people even have the cheek to moan about our behaviour, even though the brats are in the pub after 9pm, and blatantly should be HOME AND IN BED!

There is nothing worse than getting to your local, and finding out that you can't get on the pool table for 8 year olds, who are aimlessly smashing the balls around, marking the cloth and getting chalk all over the cushions.

We were once playing the pub (£10 to the winner) and a brat wanted to play. It sqwawked for hours about getting on the table, and we told it that it could have a go after us. It got bored of waiting and walked up to the table and just picked up a handfull of balls and put them down the pockets!!!!!! The afflicted person with it was most mortified when it founds it's brat head first down the corner pocket.

Apparently, it was our fault, cos we had been playing for too long, and the brat was bored.

Shame, as it was for money we had to have a re-rack then! Ha ha ha ha ha

Maybe we should start a campaign to ban kids from pubs - I mean, can you imagine the uproar if we took a load of bottles of White Lightning and Thunderbird, a table and some chairs, a CD player and a pack of cards and got wasted in the school playground?

There would be uproar, but it would maybe bring it home to the afflicted that there is an appropriate place for everything. Grown ups and alcohol belong in the pub. Brats belong in school or in bed.

p.s. Lucky - How do you know my friends kids call me Mad Auntie Charlie? Have I told you this already???

XXX

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

[Laurie28]

Matt - I always thought of myself as the later which perhaps turned me into the former!!!!

Charlie - I am not biting !!!!!! I just had a hunch about mad auntie Charlie - don't ask me why it was just a wee feeling - after all it certainly couldn't have been anything you have written - lol

Love
Lucky (afflicted, smitten mother of 2 little angel boys!!!!!)

[nomorepanic]

Charlie - lol. What a sight that I can just see now.

I can't wait to meet you - you will entertain us for hours.

Even thought about stand-up comedy?

Nicola

[Lottie32]

Actually I'm the most quiet and boring person you could possibly wish to meet.

I will probably end up sitting in a corner (when I'm not locked in the bathroom of course) being shy. I hate being the centre of attention (unless amongst friends) so definitely writing and not stand up!!!!

Can I just point out right here and now that as I was bought up nicely and by respectable parents, should any forum members turn up at Megs in May (just waiting for Bryan to confirm a date), I shall of course be totally and utterly pleasant to all brats who may have to attend with their parents.

However, if ANYTHING of mine goes missing (including my underwear), or I get KICKED (or injured in any other way) I WILL retaliate. So be warned. Well behaved is fine - don't worry about training them first - one of my "looks" is usually enough to sort most children out. (And if not a surreptitious pinch or slap on the legs usually works)

I have actually got an adoring following of children - Laura, Ben, Tash and Scarlett - they just know EXACTLY what they can and can't do/say/get away with.

It's my belief that they love me as much as they do - cos they always know exactly where they stand with me!!!! In the corner, facing the wall with one hand on their heads and one finger on their lips !!!! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

Love Evil Auntie Charlie

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

[marty]

sorry too hear this lottie i have just had my mountain bike stolen from a train station near me was locked up and everything but some people just dont understand if you didnt pay for it,it isnt yours.

[nomorepanic]

Marty

Sorry to hear about the bike. Was it insured atall?

Nicola

[marty]

no unfortunately not nicola ive just bought a second hand one for twenty quid no point buying a new one just in case,keeps me fit and happy theres a lot of thieves out there especially around london where i live.