Meeting up with a friend off the internet.

[87sal87]

Hi guys,

I've been talking to this guy online now for over 3 years, we have alot in common & I've always seen him as a really valued friend even though we've never met, we've never felt the need I guess...

But now he's suddenly asked me to meet up this saturday night in town for a drink [he doesn't live far away from me eiether] & a chat...normal stuff I could cope very easily with before I became a shy, anti-social, recluse...

& I've stupidly said yes, now I'm worried sick...the strange thing is, I WANT to go, because I need new friends more than ever lately, along with getting out of the house again. But yet I'm too scared. What if he doesn't like me in the flesh? What if we don't get on offline? What if I say something stupid/look stupid? - All that kind of thing...

Anyone ever done anything similiar? I'm really worried & could do with some advice...thanks guys...
I just wish I was the bright, happy, social person I once was... :(

[ditzygirl]

I don't mean to scare you here, but your main concern here is YOUR safety. This guy could be anyone so worrying about getting on is the least of your worries.

That said, I have been where you are!!!

And you are right - you need to get out and meet new people.

I think you have to look at this as friendship which takes the pressure off immediately. Good friends are way more important than a relationship.

Why don't you choose somewhere you are comfortable with, to meet. You need to be with people so that help is at hand in case he is a nutter, and you also need to be somewhere where you can chat easily.

Can you take friend/brother/ sister with you ? get them to sit at another table just in case?

You need to focus on just being YOU!!! that is all that matters and your SAFETY.

If you do go alone PLEASE tell someone where you are going and get them to txt you at stages in the evening to make sure you are safe.
Go easy on the alcohol and stay in control.

Good luck - you can do it BUT PLEASE BE CAREFULX

[Anxious_gal]

it does seem like great opportunity and I think you should take it.

Safety wise, keep a eye on your drink.
If it's just friendship you want make sure he knows that and your not going to budge.
Men/people do have a habit of taking it as a challenge lol

I think ye will have things to talk about since ye spent 3 years talking online.

[87sal87]

Thanks for all the advice. I honestly didn't think of the safety part of it to be honest. I just thought because we'd been talking so long online that, that wouldn't be part of it. But I guess you don't really no someone you haven't met before...
I can't really take a friend or family member because I know if I told them they probably let me go, especially my family, they're very protective of me. Because I'm the youngest & they keep saying I'm pretty, they make me sound like a sitting duck so if I told them what I was going to do, I know they wouldn't let me go. But I'm 23, I should be old enough to make my own decisions.

I do think that this might be going from 0-60 in one go for me to be honest. Maybe I should spend more time with the people I know rather than meeting up with strangers.

I'll decide on the day probably. Thanks for the advice guys. Much appreciated.

[SHYGIRLAJB]

Hi

Well good luck in what you do and decide. If you do meet go somewhere where there is lots of people on the other hand you need to feel comfortable too. Like other say never leave your drink unattended etc .

Anita.

[LucyR]

Hi, I would go but be on your guard all the time for signs of aggressive behaviour or strange behaviour in this person. 3 years seems a long time and I wonder why he did not suggest meeting up before now if he lives not far from you?

[European]

"I can't really take a friend or family member because I know if I told them they probably let me go, especially my family, they're very protective of me. Because I'm the youngest & they keep saying I'm pretty, they make me sound like a sitting duck so if I told them what I was going to do, I know they wouldn't let me go." >87sal87

This paragraph explains a lot about the source of your insecurity. I'm sure your folks mean well, but they are not helping you at all with this negative attitude, which basically shows no faith in you, and your abilities to deal with any situation appropriately. As this is neither nurturing, nor encouraging you to live your life, I think it would make a lot of sense to step back from these attitudes and probably sever the umbilical cord a little. That way, you're giving yourself a chance to find out that you're probably much more capable and confident than everyone, probably even yourself, might have thought.

"But I'm 23, I should be old enough to make my own decisions." >87sal87

Absolutely!

As for meeting up with the person in question, I think certain precautions would be wise, but in any case don't get carried away thinking that you'll meet up with an axe murderer or something, because statistically this would be extremely unlikely!

I'd suggest to only meet up in a public place with lots of people around you. And I also think it would be a good idea to let a good (and supportive, rather than overprotective!) friend know what you're doing and where you're going at what particular time. I think that's just common sense.

Apart from that, just trust your own instincts, and I'm sure you won't be far off and everything will be alright. It might even be a pleasant experience for all you know. Good luck!