OK - I trust you lot so decided to say what's on my mind. What's been bothering me - on and off for a long time - is intrusive thoughts. Like if I'm sitting with someone I'll get a thought saying "do this/say this" - I know I'd never do it but the thoughts are still there. Been happening since I was about eleven and they are always of a sexual nature. Thing is they are people I know - involved friends, relatives, teachers, my immediate family - and occasionally I get into a panic worrying I am essentially an evil person. I once tried very awkwardly to speak to my mum - she said it's normal. I then googled it and it too said it's normal but only if you are repulsed by these thoughts and getting zero pleasure at all.
But sometimes that does happen; that they almost turn me on in a way. Is that just because they are sexual thoughts? Is that the same as hearing someone else having sex - or thinking about it, would that be normal? I have this problem if I give people a massage (apparently am quite good at it so am often asked to) or if someone massages me - but is that different and should I avoid that altogether?
My mum said that too is normal to fantasise even about people who are closely related to you - that most people do it but just would never tell anyone? And not to think too much about it? But I'm really worried. I can't tell anyone as I'm too embarrassed so telling you on here in the hope someone can help me?
I feel so so stupid for writing this here and I relaise it's probably breaking some kind of rule although I have tried not to write in too much detail, sorry.
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