People who don't understand

[littlemissshy]

How do you deal with people who believe if you are shy and suffer from SA you should just make the effort and snap out of it. I sometimes feel really angry towards people.
For example tomorow evening I have to go to a compulsory works event, its a fund raiser which is great but a lot of the night is just standing around talking,my worst nightmare. I mentioned to the boss in a light hearted way that I wasn't any good at that and I don't know many people and she just said 'you should make more effort'. It doesn't take much working out to know i'm shy and yet she just thinks it's entirely my fault.
Also my friend who i've know for 30 plus years is always inviting me to social events usually where I don't know anyone. She couldn't be more different from me as she's outgoing and has numerous friends,yet she doesn't understand why I don't like doing the same things as her. I've talked to her about it but again she just thinks it's something I can get over.
Why can't people understand?
Any advice please

[laurenessex]

Well first off keep your chin up!! Yes the social situation and the friend situation can be very very hard, and lonely too, but eventually good comes of it.....When i'm in a hard situation, I always pace myself, and take it one step at a time, I also have distractions ready...I might slip to the toilet, pretend I have a phonecall, send a text, go get a drink etc, even circulate the room, just so it breaks up the socialising and you don't have huge amounts of pressure on yourself. I also get to a place early and work up to going in the door. At the moment I like to go to gigs and see music artists I know....I go on my own as I don't have many friends locally, but also I think it eases the pressure a little if u go to a place on your own, but will know people there...it's hard work going into pubs and bars on my own, and I do feel a bit exposed, I'm sure I've had whispers, why is she there on her own etc, but I've come to just block it out, and concentrate on the music. Again not always easy, but worth it in the end.

I have anxiety and agorophobia, and I've had people misunderstand and judge me. In fact a friend used to invite me to things I would find way to hard, without a thought for me, then say I was boring. She also used to back out of things I could do because 'her friends' weren't going. Maybe in the end they just arent the most reliable of friends.

I'm actually a lot more open about my problems than I used to be, but I only tell people I trust or want to know about it. I.e I'd go for a job, and open up about it, but emphasise my cv and that I am fully capable of writing and it doesn't effect my work. With social situations, I think people realise I'm shy, and the people I know and see most often know about and at least appreciate it....so I just try not to worry and do my best...you can't win really, people expect that if you have a problem there should be evidence of it, and you should b able to see how it effects your life (ie being housebound through anxiety)they expect you to be housebound or quaking in your boots all the time, and if you're not, then you must be able to do everything. Just have to hold your head high and hammer home the point and eventually people may begin to appreciate what you're trying to say.

Good Luck.