Does every woman...

[harasgenster]

Hi, this is a bit embarrassing, but am I the only woman who doesn't remove their pubic hair? It somehow came up in conversation about six months ago and my boyfriend said he'd never been with a woman that wasn't shaved apart from me. This kind of freaked me out so I asked him if he preferred it the way his ex-girlfriend's had it and he said yes.

Now, my boyfriend isn't the most tactful person in the world and he has apologised SO MANY times since he said this, once he'd seen how upset I got. He thought at the time it was a relatively innocuous statement to make but I've been having nightmares now and again since then.

I just feel like I'm some kind of idiot that doesn't know how to be a woman. Or like a naive little girl. To be honest, it's not my kind of thing to maintain my image anyway, I don't wear make up and I usually forget to shave my legs and armpits, I don't buy new clothes - all just because it doesn't really bother me. But for some reason this really, really has bothered me.

It may seem simple enough to just shave it off but I have this thing where I just CAN'T do anything to my body if I feel like I'm doing it to please someone else. My boyfriend said that attitude sounded a bit childish (although I think I worded it differently, like I would do it of my own accord but not if someone asked me - I think that's what I said) but it's just a pride thing. I really can't do it now, because it wouldn't only be for me, and that would make me feel like I was doing things to please him - I just think I would risk my self esteem if I changed my body in anyway for another person.

I know this all sounds trivial and stupid but this has literally been making me feel awful for six months now every time pubic hair or related subjects come up on tv, with friends, when I'm having sex, anything that reminds me!

So! Does every woman do this apart from me? Is the fact I don't do it weird or does it make me a scruff or anything? Does it make me seem childish or unsexy or anything?

I'm 24 by the way and until this came up was a bit arrogant about my sexiness (just presumed I was whether I was dolled up or in bed with a hangover!) but this has totally crushed all of that!

Thanks and sorry for long post

[daisycake]

I tend to get rid of mine but thats simply because I find it cleaner and nicer - I know lots of girls who don't bother with it, it's the same as shaving your armpits isn't it, personal preference etc. If you're happy with it then why worry? It's very definitely not arrogant to feel that way at all, I rather admire you for sticking to your guns - me, I run around trying to make the rest of the world happy at the detriment of myself!! I wouldn't say its scruffy either, its totally up to you and if you don't want to do it, don't let your boyfriend make you feel you should x

[allergyphobia]

Hi harasgenster

I wonder if my last thread prompted this post - basically a nasty experience with a razor has left myself (and my embarrassment) a little dented!!

It sounds like you were a confident woman, and hopefully still are - you sound like you're comfortable in your own skin, not worrying about make up, clothes, even your armpits (not that i'm exactly giving you the thumbs up about that one )...

but seriously.. you sound confident and secure, even arrogant you say... don't let one little comment ruin that! it sounds like the whole thing has spiralled. does your boyfriend even know how much this has affected you? you say he's apologised since, but do you speak about it often - or is it just you in your head flinching when things remind you of it??

Personally IMO if you have never done it, doing it now would definitely be because of this situation...but not necessarily for him.. maybe it's the way to lose your uncomfortable-ness (i know that is probably not a word) about the situation... but there again, why should you have to do that? you were confident before, and you haven't changed it all this time - so it is obviously not as big a problem for your boyfriend as perhaps you are thinking??

sorry this is a bit of a jumbled post. it's hard for me to relate as i am quite a girly person but i know nether regions come in all shapes and sizes and you should never be embarrassed or ashamed or change how you do something or feel just to suit somebody else. let it all hang out girrrl, hehe!

[countrygirl]

I don't know of any women who does shave there but maybe thats because I am getting old!! 49 yrs old and this is just a thing with young ones. I have enough trouble keeping the legs underarm and horror of horrors lip and chin hair free

[harasgenster]

Hi
Thanks for your advice. I speak about this often with my boyfriend and he always apologises and says he doesn't know what to do, because it's not actually a big deal to him at all.

I'm not sure it's really about that, though. I think it's really just about my self esteem. Although I am confident about how I look, I think all of that confidence has come from external sources - no one has ever said I'm not sexy/pretty etc. Whenever it's been brought up I have always been told I am sexy/pretty etc. This was the first time that was questioned - something I had wasn't as sexy as something someone else had.

Like many things I was previously confident about (intelligence, humour, talent) I assume I am "good" because people have always said that but then just one questioning of that - one sign that it might not be true - and all of that confidence disappears immediately.

This hasn't just affected me when I think about hair, it makes me feel like I'm not sexy during sex, or getting undressed, or wearing sexy clothes - I just don't feel sexy at all anymore.

I think this is the problem really. One stab at my confidence (and I know my boyfriend didn't mean it that way!) and everything just collapses around me. I just don't know what to do about it!

I'm afraid just getting rid of the stuff might not help. I think it comes with the feeling of "I have to do this to be sexy" and that thought makes me feel upset. I don't want to do anything to be sexy, I just want to be sexy without having to try! (I guess this was the way I FELT before, even if it wasn't necessarily always true!! )

[ElizabethJane]

Hi I don't think that you should do it just because your boyfriend wants you to. I've never shaved off my pubes completely preferring to give it a trim. I have thought that I would look like a girl again and I would feel more exposed. Shaving would encourage stubble (not attractive) If it was me and I wanted to do it I would wax it. I'm like Countrygirl in age and worries about lip, chin and facial hair worry me more. EJ.

[Hazel B]

How would your boyfriend feel if you said you only went with men who were circumcised? Or shaved their chests? He's been a git and should apologise!

Incidentally, I keep my bits "trimmed" but never shave, I use a bikini trimmer. I do it for myself and hygiene as I don't use tampons, just liners (sorry TMI!).

Be yourself and what you're comfortable with.

[smb25]

I did shave... once... that was enough! it was soooo itchy when it grew back. Not doing that again. Now I use a hair trimmer to keep it in check. If I didn't .. well ape comes to mind!

Personal choice, only do what YOU want to do.

[Tish]

I agree, shaving is SO itchy. My advice would be to use a comb to get a close trim without cutting yourself! x

[haz]

lol I think a lot of younger women do remove all their pubic hair but I'm 42 yrs old and a "nice neat triangle" has always been good enough for me! I get my bikini line waxed and I trim my pubic hair (which is turning white incidentally so I may well soon be forced to "remove all") but I couldn't tell you the difference between a Hollywood and A Brazilain, don't have the pain threshold for it either. And what's this latest craze called, "Vejazzle" or something???? God, I'm getting old