Why

[paul1966]

Why is it that people that dont understand mental health think that we can all be cured by telling us that we need to pull ourselves together and just get on with it?
I went to an appointment with my CPN this morning and when I told a family member where I was going, they had this response too. Mind you, I think part of it is down to age as she is in her 70s and it seems that their generation was bought up this way. Its still distressing though and made me feel awful about myself again.

Im really struggling to cope some days and incidents like that are not helping my recovery at all

[GunMetal]

It's difficult for people who have never experienced anxiety on the level we have to really understand what we go through. It's true in the case of older people that back in their day mental health illnesses weren't recognised as they are now so yeah that was a pretty standard response! I remember my gran trying to understand my anxiety and I still don't think she does now. I remember her only suggestion to me years ago was maybe I could get an oxygen tank to carry with me in case I felt like I couldn't breath!!!! Bless her. But that's the reason it's great that sites like this exist. You have a whole load of people on here who know what you're going through, understand and don't judge you! Don't worry about the rest! At the end of the day your family still do care about you but they just don't know how to help you through this. That's certainly the case with a few of my family members. Don't take it to heart!

Jen x

[nikkinik]

Hi,

I think you're probably right about the generation thing there. But I also find that my fiance (of 7 yrs this yr) still doesnt get it. Ive had anxiety issues (and other stuff) for the last 6 yrs.. longer than that looking back, its these last few years that are bordering on unbearable.

He doesnt get my health anxiety, emetophobia, agoraphobia or panic attacks. To him I should just accept I feel 'off' one day, or that I have the flu, etc etc.. He cant understand my panic attacks and then he just wonders why Im putting myself through all the worry and anxiety, he thinks I could just stop it, or just think like a 'normal person'. To him being sick isnt nice, but its not life threatening or unbearable, youre just sick and thats that.. To me, its something else altogether.
I try and use descriptions, describe myself the best I can, paint pictures of what it might feel like to him (as he does have a fear of flying - so its some place to start with, example wise).. But he just doesnt fully understand. My Mum doesnt either. My Dad does though, why? Because he suffers with pretty similar stuff to me!

Sometimes I think to myself 'you should just pull yourself together' but I know its more than that.

I find my Nanna normally doesnt know what to say when Im having a bad day, so it kinda ends up feeling like she doesnt care, but I know she does.

On another note, how did your appointment go?

x

[krees69]

GGRRRRr
Makes me quite angry that there are 'professionals'out there who still come out with that sort of stuff. If it was a
that bad, you could complain, but can you imagine what it must be like seeing about 30 of us anxious folk in a day!!
'pull you self together' LOL do we all have zips!!
Luckily for me I have never had that said to me, but i know if I mentioned it to any of my relatives they woudl probably come out with that. I'm not sure what it is, generational probably, of course the anxious folk in the old days would have been either 'locked up' in some 'caring' institution or on so many benzo's, barbiturates or booze no body noticed
The thing is we've always been around but as all us anxious folk know we spend a lot of our time worrying about how other people see us and trying to 'hold it together' when in company and so exposure and knowledge on the condition is largely unheard of in people who do not suffer or treat.
I've seen loads of 'therapist' in my time and tried loads of drugs. Medication was the important starting point for me, and then the therapy at different points, but i have to laugh it took them about 10years to work out that my anxiety was due to poor self esteem!!!!
I have over the years learnt to understand my anxiety i still don;t like him, but as he is always with me. get some meds, because until that anxiety has clamed down therapy works better. and also when we are extremely anxious the slightest (unintentional) comment can seem like the worst thing ever.
YOU WILL PULL through this, just be a little less hard on yourself and get the right treatment
Best
Kath

[European]

I know what you're saying and I do understand the frustration, as I shared it often enough in my life when confronted with some similar ignorance - having said that, I can't help the feeling that I can't expect a non-sufferer to understand my condition and the way I feel, if I myself probably don't understand it.

I've come across many anxiety/panic sufferers over the years who haven't got the slightest as to what might be the underlying reasons of their condition, and how it all might come together. There are all kinds of issues connected to the panic, from low self-esteem to co-dependency issues to perfectionism to avoidance behaviour, and it took me ages to find some answers and make some connections in this respect. And many fellow sufferers I met didn't even ask themselves these questions, but merely put their heads in the sand whilst popping some pills and hoping for the best.

So, in fairness, why should non-sufferers understand and empathise with us, if we are often not prepared to try and do the same thing for ourselves?

[nikkinik]

Kath,I dont think the CPN said it,it was a family member.. at least thats the way I read it?

[krees69]

yes you are right, my mistake, i re read it later and forgot to edit it!! Distracted as usual i expect!
So skip that bit any further readers and sorry to any CPN's out there
Kath

[paul1966]

Hi Guys and thankyou for your comments. It certainly looks like I have found a group of like minded individuals. Its good to know Im not alone

As you will understand, I was feeling extra vulnerable the other day due to the appointment, so the "attitude problem" I got from my family hurt a bit extra to usual. ive got to agree with the comment about not expecting others to understand if they dont suffer or care, but the person that made the comment should know better as she has always known about my issues. Also I am not the only person in the family with similar problems as my cousin has the same sort of things as me.