Cant take anymore

[misskitty]

First thankyou to anyone who has replied to my past posts, you have all helped so much.

I am struggling today. I feel i cant take anymore.
I have been in a relationship for 10 months with someone who doesnt really understand my condition but he does love me and I adore him so much too. We talked about me moving to be with him since last june and it finally happened on a trial basis at the end of last year.

I stayed for a month, then had the most awful panic attack. I called him at work and said I think i need to go home (probably not that surprising thing to think under the circumstances).. anyway by the time he finished work i was calmer but he told me to pack my stuff in the car, that it would be better for me to be back home. I cried hysterically begging him to let me seehow i felt in the morning but he couldnt.

So I then findmyself back at my place, 20 miles away from him.. he left me there and told me we would still be fine but that i needed to be able to visit him sometimes which i felt confident i could do.

Its been three weeks since i got back. I was told to make a desicion whether i wanted to move back to him or not and was given a date to decide by. Him and his family think i will be better over there and he has all these ideas about me getting back to work etc.. its part of the deal if i want a future with him.

My desicion day was last weds, and on tues night he told me he had had enough, that it was over. I was devastated and told him i would move back and he said ok. The following day I was told that he totally wants me back over there, but I feel scared. He was here giving me cards valentines day then within 24 hours he doent need me anymore.. now he does again.. i am so confused.

So basically I feel scared.. I wake up every morning feeling frightened, strange thoughts, feelings of depersonalization etc.. feeling like this is all just too much. He thinks i am moving next week, but i feel so overwhelmed. I dotn know who to trust or rely on. My friends and family care about me and dont want me to move if its gonna make me even worse - i am in a fragile state right now.. but i love him, and dont know if i could handle losing him either.

Sorry for all this I think i just needed to get it off my chest. I am so scared that my mind is going to just shut down or something and i will have abreakdown please someone reassure me that it is stress and anxiety and that i'm not headed for insanity. my friends and family are all out right now and i literally feel like they are gone, like i dont remember them, even though i do.. god waht a mess.

[JT69]

Hi misskitty,

Firstly you are not going mad!!! It is anxiety causing this and am not suprised. All of the added pressure with your partner cannot be helping. It would be much easier if he understood the condition as no one really knows properly unless they have suffered themselves with this type of illness.

I think the whole situation has got on top of you and caused the anxiety that you were already feeling to sprial some what and that is what is making you feel so stressed.

I feel that you are not really ready to commit to this or you would of made your mind up. Will your partner now allow you some more time to think things through. It must be difficult with the distance between you. It seems also that your partner has had trouble making his mind up what he really wants at the moment too!!

You need some stability here to move forward, anxiety thrives on uncertainty.

Try and talk it through some more and then decide what is right for you in this and then see if you can move forward....but remember you are fine and you are certainly not going mad!!!

I wish you well.

JO.xx

[misskitty]

thankyou for your reply.. unfortunately no i have no more time to decide. He cant cope with the indecision anymore.

[Greenman50]

I don,t think he is very understanding of what you are going through .

People just don,t understand if they have not suffered with this . My wife didn,t "get it " when i was like you are , she put no pressure on me and tried to be understanding but i could tell she didn,t .

You shouldn,t have the pressure on you to make decisions by a certain date , thats awefull , i know some of my customers put "dates" on my work return , i ignored them and went when i was ready .

Could you try talking to him again and re asure him you love him but need time to make a full recovery ?

I know i,m not really much help but i do understand how you feel , don,t be pressured into things , this is an illness just like a broken leg etc , no one would expect you to run 100 mtrs untill it was properly fixed .
Be strong , you will make the right decision , also nothing is written in stone , if it doesn,t work out you can always have a re think , above all keep talking

[SammiB]

Hello Kitty,

I'm sorry to hear that your struggling at the moment,

the pressure your under at the moment to make a lifechanging decision sounds to be playing havoc with your anxiety and also your relationship.


Unfortunatley others who cannot understand your symptoms/difficulties seem to have not so much sympathy and think that one day we will just wake up and be ready to start a new life.

I think that your partner seems to be rushing you into things, you've not been together less than a year and moving in is scary for someone in a stable relationship let alone for us fragile sufferers.

I feel as though you should write him a letter explaining all of the points that you need him to understand befor you make this decision and only make it for you!!!

hope that you can resolve this i really do and good luck with whatever you decide x x x x

[laurajo]

It sounds like you are under a great deal of pressure.
It's a big decision and you shouldn't feel pressured into it.
It's great that you are able to express your feelings here ... maybe writing them down will help you process your thoughts. I know it helps me.
Maybe your partner will grow to understand your condition in time...until then I would be careful about rushing into any life changing decisions.
Remember you are important...you need to look after yourself and take things one step at a time. I hope it will all work out for you.

[jessicalittler79]

hun do what makes u happy.....

[lynn1960]

you have to think of yourself and do whats right for you if he is not understanding now what would he be like if you moved in its wrong to give you a date to decide there are lots of things you need to think about first do whats right for you at the right time do not be pressured into making a decision if he loves you he will wait
if you like pm me

[Patsta]

Hi misskitty,
I think its a little hypocritical of him to say he can't cope with the indecision anymore! Who is he to talk, when one minute he tells you he loves you, the next minute its over, then he wants you back again!
This is certainly not helping your situation. I truly believe you need to weigh up the pros and cons of movingin with him. Sit down and put them all on paper. Ask yourself the question, 'If he is putting all this pressure on you now, doesn't understand your condition, and isn't all that supportive of you...what is going to happen when you move in with him?' Do you honestly think you can get better without the support? Do you think you can better by being pressured to do things you don't want to or can't, like finding a job etc...?
I think not! You need to do what is best for you and recovering from this condition...and its not going to happen overnight...it takes time, support, loving and understanding from those around us! Anyone who can't offer you this, I'm sorry to say, is not worthy of your friendship!
Maybe, you need to take him to the doctor with you, so as the dr can explain to him a little better...maybe you should see if you can print up some information from this site for him to read, or even read some of these posts! If he still doesn't understand and still puts pressure on you, then, misskitty, I would leave him....its not worth the pain and suffering that he will put you through in not understanding your condition or being supportive....There are plenty of fish in the sea...this fish may not be the right one for you!
Sorry to ramble.....I get really annoyed when people think that we can just snap out of this condition....Its real...real symptoms...real fears....I have suffered with it for 9 years on and off...been on meds on and off....I have a very supportive husband and family that, although can't relate (except my father...who has also suffered from it) are understanding in that, I need time to get better without putting extra pressures on me!
Good Luck missKitty.....Dig deep in your heart and you will make the right decision!
Patty

[tomo777]

hiya i tottaly agree with mel2, but at the end of the day it mite sound wrong but you have to think about youself. whats going to be better for you in the long run. luckily my partner understands me and my anxiety and if she didnt i wouldnt be with her. also you need to have support at times like these so speak to a family member or close friend about it, get it off ur chest. who am i to give advise but thats what would help me. if you have to make an excuse not to move in when he wants you to then so be it do what you have to do to make yourself fell more comfortable. hope this helps. all the best tom x