where do i belong...i want out

[ashley]

I cant stand this pain.. i cant take it no more.. i cant take the way i feel.

For 2/3 days i had no anxiety WOW i felt luckey actually.
But the last two days i have been waking up extremley grotty, extremley lathergic, extremley aggitated, snappy, moody, confused ... but not anxious,,,badley depressed.. i am wondering if i am getting lack of oxogen to my brain when i sleeping ...as i have a bad bad snoring problem when i sleep...it is so bad sometimes it wakes me up...it made me wake up like i hadnt slept... im confused maybe im not getting enuff air to my brain when i am sleeping... i have had enuff.
I hate myself so much you should try being around me like this..im so bitter... im a horrible person to be around like this.. extremley aggressive really.. just nasty.

My dear dear cousin is having extremley bad marriage probelms and has been in a complete mess, wanted to kill herself..self harming herself..cutting herself, and badley down...im there for her..of course she has been staying and complety relying on me... but thats a masif masif pressure.. i cant cope with this..i could be feeling really bad and she is asking me question apon question bless her..she looks up to me.

Its not hre falut bless her, but she cant hear me because she is so wrapped up in her self and the way she is feeling, so i cant talk with her about myself, i have no-one ...really no-one... i have made friends with 2 really specail people on here and there are the best... they are always there for me and i love them... but no-one in my community can i chat with.. my family dont want to really know how i am feeling,and i can sense thier fear when they do ask if i am ok,its like they are scared to ask.. there great ..but they dont understand/... i am so so alone.. and have to be strong for my cousin when i am breaking..in a big way myself.

I think my kids could do better than a useless mother like me. this is far too much ... i feel sorry for them as i am either lovley as ever or nasty as ever...

poor darlings

This feeling is so overwheminly nasty... does anyone think its beacuse of lack of oxogen


oh god i cant tae this anymore...


ashx

[Southern_Belle]

Ashley,

You are not a bad mother. Yes, we can all be nasty from lack of sleep, but that does not mean you are a horrible person. I'm sure the added stress of what your cousin is going through is added pressure for you as you are her support system and it sounds like you don't have one yourself. I suggest you get tested for sleep apnea. Some people who snore and wake up unrefreshed have that problem and it is very treatable (my brother-in-law has it). If you do indeed have sleep apnea with anxiety I can well imagine that you would feel like you just couldn't take it anymore but please hang in there and take it one day at a time. I do know your cousin needs you so very badly but if it starts to drag you down too maybe there is someone else who could also help her to take the weight off of your shoulders. We are always here for you.

Bel

[jackie]

hey you you are not allowed to give up

anyway were not giving up on you. try to keep relying on us ash i promise i will be there more. fone when you want and i will fone you

your being so sweet to your relative and that is leaving very little time for yourself. what with that and you r kids your way down in your own list of priorities. i know this cause i usually come last meself. try to give yourself more time to heal hun youve been through alot recently. recovery takes time and bad setbacks are all apart of that.

there is enough air getting to your brain ash. that is what you would be telling me if i were to come to you with the same symptoms. your just exausted and that is why the snoring is bad!. plus you are tensed and stressed. youve had tonsillitis whaich too will affect your breathing and may make your nose stuffed up and your snoring worse.

im telling you ash your brain is fine but your mind is suffering as our many of us. try to think of better days ahead. a day when we may beat this thing and meet up for a coffee ( decaf of course ) lol.

take care and text me

jackie

[ashley]

One thing to say love you jax...and thankyou anyone for your surport..
I just cant take this anymore


sorry

ash x