Why can't i just do it!!!

[Katie6]

Hi There all,
I will give a brief introduction of what i am currently going through as i haven't really posted to much on here about myself. For the last 2 years i have been virtually bedridden and diagnosed with M.E i also have a low B12 which i am currently on monthly injections for. it has been a roller coaster 2 years some parts really grim and sometimes feel like i can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am currently waiting to hear if my PCT will agree funding for an inpatient programme for CFS at Queens hospital in Romford, it is the only one in the country, but i am not sure whether i will be successfull as my pct need to agree to a minimum of £26,500 of funding and this is just for the first 6 weeks. In the mean time i have been seeing a neurological occupational therepist, and due to see the clinical psychologist in the next couple of weeks who visits me at home, as does the doctor and nurse for my bloods and jabs etc as i am unable to leave the house. With the help of the o/t i felt like i was beginning to make a small bit of progress, not much, but i was begining to get downstairs every day, able to interact more with my children and felt as though i had a really good routine going. However a few weeks ago i came down with a rotten cold, which set my right back, i have been so weak, dizzy and exhausted, and i have felt stuck in a constant anxiety/panic attack ever since, and now stuck upstairs day in day out, i am feeling very down and everything just seems so scary at the moment. I spoke to the doctor in a right state on the phone, she advised i tried citalopram, which initially i refused, but after a good think i decided to call her back and ask her to arrange the prescription, we spoke about it and she suggested trying 10mg every other day for a week then upping to every day, then seeing where i am at after that. i felt really positive about it all, but now after more and more reading i am feeling too terrified to take them, just thinking about it gets me in a state, I think it is because i have been so ill for so long and at the moment am going through such a terrible time i am scared to do anything that will possible make me feel any worst than i already do, i am focused on all the negative stuff to do with taking them and can't seem to focus on all the benefits these tablets may give me. i keep getting them out the draw, looking at them and putting them back in. i just wish i could overcome this phobia and swallow the damn pills, but i just can't do it, sorry about my rammbling, but any advice would be greatly appreciated xx

[Katie6]

[teez]

ohhh sweetheart ,, im near to tears for you here,,because your mirroring myself,,years ago when i first suffered from anxiety ,,i spent most days hiding in my bedroom,,shaking if i even got out of bed to go to the loo,,i wouldnt have no one in the house,,each day was as the one before,,like you i had a family i felt bad for them,i had daily panic attacks,,all the aches and pains,,even getting dressed was plain hard work,,i can remember going to the top of the stairs and my head swimming id cling to the bannister,,but with slow and gradual hard work i got downstairs for minutes at first and slowly increased the time,,its hard going as you know,,and yes i had relapses,,but dont punish yourself, try again,, i promise you it will happen,,nowdays im not only downstairs ,,but in the garden,,walking the dogs and out shopping,,i do have bad days i wont lie,,but then i also have good days,,its taken a long time and blooming hard work,,but you can do it,,as for the pills, they may help,,i know new pills are scarey i hate taking them,,but just give them a try if they dont help ,,im sure they will try something else,,dont give up katie,,you will find the courage ,,

[Katie6]

Thank-you for your kind words, i am glad you have come out the otherside and are doing well. I have always been an anxious person, but before i got struck down with M.E i was in control of it, and it didn't stop me from doing anything that i wanted to do, but i guess being so unwell leaves too much time for overthinking. i just wish i could pluck up the courage to take the damn pills grrrrrrrr

[shoegal]

Hello. I can relate to what you're saying. I have Fibromyalgia with an ME element (whatever that means?) and having just had a really bad cold that lasted for 2 weeks my symptoms have flared up and I'm now anxious all the time. I'm certain that being unwell has triggered a relapse which in turn has exacerbated my anxiety and panic attacks. I really do feel for you but all we can do is keep on trying and fighting this thing.

I hope you feel better soon.