New Member

[Bryn Powell]

Hello Pips, As you can see from this site there are many others suffering from the same "problems." I've had it for 6 years now and the first 4 were hell. I'll just reiterate what others have said. Congratulate yourself - every night when I park the car I wave my fist in the air and shout "Yes!" Remember that the things you worry about, you've done a hundred times before and nothing terrible has ever happened, has it?
Bryn

[pips]

Hi again Mary.
Thanks for your lovely message. Glad to hear you are coming along so well. I think & feel exactly the same. I take everything to heart and always blame myself. I don't have many friends & have a very small family. I don't know why as like yourself i wouldn't hurt a fly i try so hard to please people(maybe to hard?) Some examples being:
A close friend of mine is moving soon, i found out by looking on the Internet that her house has sold. she still hasn't told me & that was about 3 wks ago. I appreciate she has a busy life but it still hurt's. I also started writing to a fellow sufferer we got on really well. All of a sudden she stopped writing, i have also texted her but just get no reply. Another silly thing is another penfriend promised to meet up as she had just moved into my Area. I was nervous very but so excited about meeting her but once again she never contacted me. The trouble is i tend to blame myself totally and think why don't people like me when all i do is try so very hard. the silly thing is if someone does make an effort i get in such an anxious state about meeting them etc... Mad isn't it i just can't seem to win!
Sorry for waffaling and seeming like a real sado! I'm not looking for self-pity either. I just wish i could stop blaming myself and taking everything to heart. O to be "CARE FREE" Anyway i will stop playing the violin now! I just find it really helps to talk about your feelings. Rather then bottle them all up! This site really help's too!
I hope you are feeling well look after youself & Take Care of yourself! Thanks again for you kindness. Pip'sXXXX

[pips]

Hi Radar,
I am so glad things are sorted for you now.
Thanks once again for your kind words and support.
I get so pessimistic at times. It seems crazy but I get afraid of thinking Optimistic incase i jinx things and they go wrong! This makes me feel so sad at times and not normal! (Whatever normal may be?)
Must learn to practice more positive thinking. I wonder why it is easier to think negative though? I suppose those horid feelings of Fear, Anxity & Panic don't help much!
I hope all is well with you. I'm of to practice my "POF" now "Positive Optimistic Feelings" :-]
It's easier to spell negative as well! Whoop's that's not a very good start. Will keep trying. Pip'sXX.

[pips]

Hi Paul,
Cheers for the advice.
I will keep telling those bad thought's to Bog Off! It's good you are making progress and i hope those blip's are getting less and less for you!
Take Care & Stay Happy : - ]
Pip's.

[pips]

Thank's for the message Bryn.
I know you are right i know nothing dreadful is going to happen(hopefully)!
It is just the beliving part that is hard to conquer!
It's really Fab having this website with such understanding people. : - ]
Well done to you though, and i will practice my congratulations!
I hope all is well with you.
Take care.
Pip's

[me]

Oh Pips we come from the same mould, oh and i really do know how you feel i know from my own experiences if people let me down i never make a fuss or get angry i just go with it (normally as im quite relieved because ill be getting my knickers in a right twist about seeing them ha ha)but if i need to change plans people can make me feel really bad so then i go into over drive!!!Sometimes i wish i wasnt me, i work in a huge place and there are so many strong characters there, i wish i was like them but ive tried and i just cant do it, its not me, it was quite funny really cause my friend said i had to get harder and say no more but i ended up feeling worst than if i helped everyone like you say we just cant win x i really know what you mean about getting it all off your chest it really does help x I hope you have had a lovely day im now off babysitting. now you take care love from mary x

[pips]

Hi Mary, Thank's for your message,
I know what you mean, about wishing you were stronger! But hey we must be pretty strong to cope the way that we do! i expect most of the people you work with probably just think, another day going to work. Where as we have to battle to do that! and many times we do succeed. Although we may not feel like we have!
I like yourself find it difficult to say "NO" & when i do say the word i go on an automatic guilt trip thinking i have let that person down. I should have said yes! Just can't win with myself. The thing is i know i am my own worst enemy & i punish myself mentally. I just wish i didn't feel so Guity about things. At least we have emotion's though, and that's good!
It lovely to know you understand.
I spent all day Friday working myself up as i work with Adults who are blind & partially sighted with some learning disabilities. Reason being was i had a 12 hr shift plus sleep-in on the Saturday. When i have a long shift i always wind myself up so much about going in. The shift is over now. it was fine we even took them to the cinema in the evening. So i got that paid for and paid for watching the film which was excellent. So it's madness why i always work myself up.

[pips]

Sorry Mary must have pressed the wrong button, and sent reply.
Do you cope well with work?
I don't know about yourself, but i end up winding myself up about most thing's really! O well at least i can admit it and laugh about it. I find i am worse if i take it seriously it seems to control me more. I find you have to be pretty mad in my job anyway!(Well it help's)
I hope you are well & and have had a good weekend.
Take care of yourself & Stay Happy & Healthy! : - ]
Love Pip's
XXXX

[kate]

Hi Pips,

I also find it hard to say no and also feel guilty if I let people down.

I only work 3 hours a day, as a dinner lady, not exactly rocket science!

But, I always get worked up and nervous before I go. I don't even know what I'm nervous about, but I always get butterflies in my stomach and feel like running in the opposite direction to work!

I am always fine once I get there but then, the following morning, back come the same old feelings.

I think I now just automatically feel nervous when thinking of going to work, just need to stop the thoughts really!!

Take care

Kate x

[me]

hello pips its lovely to hear from you x quess what? i do the same work as you... well kind of, i have worked in a hospital looking after people on a secure ward with learning disabilities for the last 10 years, over the years i have found it really stressfull at times ive even drove to work got to the gates and thought no i cant face it today and turned back to go home then turned round again and forced myself through the gates, its silly because when im there im fine. i run an art room for the day service section which i love and the clients are not a problem but some of the staff have been really horrible to me over the years, my friend says to me its because im an easy target as i never answer back but i have got better over the years. on friday my boss came to see me as ive been off for a few weeks and she brought round a get well card for me from the clients and they had all written me alittle note which meant so much she said everyone was missing me and it was really quiet without me there which was lovely but they only know the bubberly mary they never see the very insecure person at home worring about everyone and everything. im really nervous about going back but im sure ill be ok when i get there. have you had a good weekend? hope you have. i went to a party last night for my friends birthday i really didnt want to go i was so frightened and thought what if i have a panic but i did it yippee mind you i had to go and sit in my friends bedroom a couple of times as it all got to much i think im getting old i couldnt handle the loud music ha ha well my love be intouch soon take care of yourself love from mary xx
ps kate hope your feeling ok x when your on the way to work think of all your best things you like doing to keep your mind busy, it sounds so easy doesnt it take care love from mary x