Weekend Anxieties

[EmMaxwell]

I don't know if this is the right place to post this...
I've posted elsewhere about my boyfriend staying at his daughter's house on Saturday nights (she has seperation anxiety disorder so can't stay at our house, and it's only fair that he gets to see her for that bedtime/morning routine one night a week as he misses that since moving out) and I don't want him to stop. It's good for both of them and it'd be selfish to try and stop it happening. I never want to be the girlfriend who tried to take her boyfriend from his child. I don't want her to have any reason to resent me when she grows up.
My problem is I find it really hard to cope with. He goes to see her after school every day until her bedtime and that's fine. I can handle it. It's just the going to bed alone/waking up alone that I find so difficult. (My own seperation anxiety, I guess). It's out of my routine and makes me feel really lonely. I trust him completely and have NO problem with the fact that he is still friends with his ex - it's what's best for their child - so no paranoia comes into it. I just find myself feeling lonely and down all night. Sometimes there's not even a reason. I just start breaking down, having panic attacks, generally freaking out until he's home after her bedtime on Sunday night. Last Sunday I didn't get out of bed all day. I just lay in bed crying and trying to stop myself freaking out.
I don't want to be like this. It causes problems for him as he feels like to make one of us happy, he has to let the other one down - and I DON'T want him to ever feel that he's caught in the middle of us. I want us all to be on the same side, not two sides that he stands in the middle of. I can handle it on Saturday night until it's time to go to bed and then I break down. From Wednesday onwards I'm obsessing about how close the weekend is. Now it's Friday and I know I've only got one more night left and it gets me so down.
It's ridiculous. I know it's just ONE night. Slightly over 24 hours without him. That's nothing. We used to be in a long distance relationship and go weeks without seeing eachother. I know I CAN do it because I do it every single week. It shouldn't be out of my routine because it is a weekly thing. I hate that I'm not used to it by now - it's been this way for the 7 months we've lived together! I don't know what to do.

[EmMaxwell]

And I've discussed it with him on numerous occasions. Told him how I feel etc. The only solution we can come up with is that he just doesn't stay round there anymore but that isn't an option - it makes him and his daughter feel awful and I don't think it's fair. I don't want either of them to resent me or think I'm trying to interfere/control things. He feels terrible for how it makes me feel, but at the same time misses his daughter so much since moving out and just wants one morning a week where he can lay with her in the mornings etc like he used to (she's just 4). He moved out just before she started school and it's thought that all of that stress being put on her at once could be what started her seperation anxiety disorder - I just feel AWFUL for that. We can't bring her round here until she's okay with going to school because we don't want to pile pressure on her and give coming here a negative connotation. My family don't understand it as they haven't experienced that kind of anxiety but I know I have, and feel that people here would be able to understand the situation properly too. Not just the fact that he doesn't bring her here, which my family sees, but the emotions that are tied in to it. It's not that he doesn't want to - he says he can't wait until everything's settled and he can bring her round here to stay on Saturday nights - it's that it could be really damaging to her if he does.

[EmMaxwell]

He's gone now. I can't handle this.

[shinderuko]

Hey Em,
I don't know what to suggest to solve the problem as a whole but I think you need to distract yourself to get through the weekend.
Is there anyone you can invite round or go out with to take your mind off your boyfriend not being there?

[EmMaxwell]

Nope. Don't know anyone here. Am about to go and clean the kitchen. Hopefully take my mind off things.

[shinderuko]

I find having the radio on often helps when I'm home alone, it's a bit of a comfort.
Good luck with coping this weekend and you know where we all are if you need to talk

[EmMaxwell]

Thanks. I've tidied the house and am now listening to music and drawing for a while.
Wish the chat room would work for me - could do with logging on and having some constant chat to make the night fly by!
Dreading going to bed. That's the worst bit.

[shinderuko]

That would be handy if you could get onto it. I agree completely, when I'm home alone going to bed is horrible but try not too dwell on it too much. Like you said you've done it before, alot of times from what I gather, so why should tonight be any different?

[EmMaxwell]

Exactly - every time I do it, I just lay in bed crying and having panic attacks all night. I don't know why I hate it so much. I don't know why it gets me like this.

[shinderuko]

I don't know why being home alone gets me like that either as I've done it so many times now without anything happening to me.