Posting success as part of recovery

[cathy s]

Hi

I wanted to start posting any small success I have to aid recovery and remind myself of my progress.
I've been on 20mg of citalopram for 5 weeks and came from a quivering wreck to being quite relaxed and getting out and about, even joining the gym. This part of recovery was made by;
Continuing with a college course (very hard at first).
Taking short walks several times a day in the first few weeks.
Keeping social and talking to friends and family a lot.
Writing down all positives at first.
Formally relaxing once a day.
Forcing myself to spend time doing things I like.
Practicing strategies to stop general worry. (Tough as I don't realise I'm worrying most of the time!) Which includes saying -I'll worry later, that's just a worry I won't bother with it, or if it's persistant - I'll not worry for the next 10 seconds! ( I usually forget by then!)
Looking on this site at the symptoms to reassure myself that I was experiencing normal symptoms of an overactive nervous system.
Trying to remember that negative thoughts and feelings aren't permanent, and to leave them be. (I struggle with this)

So I guess todays success has been attending my first class at the gym - Tai Chi, I was nervous which would be normal for anyone, but I soon got into it.

Good luck all

Cathy

Update; 19/7/11

I am well and happy and feel like me again! I add this to give people hope that things can get really loads better for good! I have posted more to this effect in a post dated 19/7/11, but generally just know that I am proof that there is hope that we can be well and happy again.

[JaneC]

Well done Cathy - sounds like you are working really hard at getting better and doing really well!

[cathy s]

Thank you Janec, your encouragement is most appreciated.

[ZoWeeMcfly]

Well done ! It sounds like you have made amazing progress, keep it up, I hope you continue with thiis !

[cathy s]

Thank you so much ZoWeeMcfly!

[cathy s]

This starts off negative but only to illustrate how I transformed a situation by doing 'nothing'!

I've had a setback this weekend after a busy week (with period) which left me very tired and generally worrying and feeling grotty.

This morning I was doing much of the same and desperately trying to get myself out of it by not thinking, focusing on something else, being mindfull and other things recomended. But all of this was making me worse. In the end I was on the sofa watching John Kabat-Zinn on You Tube and getting frustrated because I was getting even more anxious especially as he was saying to stay with feelings and not trying to change them - but I wanted them gone! So a circle of thoughts started that went; 'I'm worrying again - feel bad - want it to stop - need to call mum - or the doc to increase medication (I'm on 20mg of cit) - I might have a breakdown - need to look at self help books - tell my husband how I feel etc'! But I didn't do any of these things because Iv'e done it all before for reassurance and it only works for a short time. Instead I stayed put, I carried on watching the video. The thoughts went round again and I felt even more anxious. I examined the feelings in a mindful way; yep, I was anxious, and the thoughts were more intense. Still I did nothing but felt the feelings of fear and sadness. Again I just let them be, did nothing, they got worse still, peaked and BOOM! they were gone. How weird is that! Turns out I was afraid of the feelings and all these years I have been trying to avoid them by doing all of the above, getting exhausted in the process. Only when I confronted them and said 'cummon then let's have a look at you' did they loose their power. I have used this method for agoraphobia and it worked a treat. But becoming exhausted with all the worry and subsequent anxiety caused a lot of relapses. I knew I was doing something wrong to keep the anxiety going but only today have I discoved that I was running away from feelings, even by misusing mindfulness as a distraction rather than a way of sitting with feelings in a non-judgmental way, to be able to look at them in a compasionate way instead of a threat. And it's the threat of something much worse happening as a consequence of the thoughts and feelings that I was really afraid of.

I still feel tired and grotty, but I've used lots of energy worrying and I can take the rest of the day to relax and watch a dvd, or read or sit in the sun - without worrying and without being afraid! Result! Tomorrow I will be recharged and feel better, but I don't need to think of tomorrow right now, just lunch and 'Bride Wars!!'

Have a happy day!

Cathy

[cathy s]

I have had sucess in moving forward with this condition;

In the last few days I have made sure I spent time at college. I decided that my art degree enhances my life so much that it was well worth the on and off anxiety of getting and staying there for a few hours a day. Yes, this may keep my nervous system stimulated, which keeps general anxiety going, but that's why when I got home every day I ate lunch and did nothing taxing for the rest of the day. (Luckily my husband isn't working right now.) During the first hour of resting with a film I had many thoughts and feelings of anxiety and worry as my body wound down. But the adrenaline went away if I sought no reassurance (self help books, calling people etc.) and was mindfull. I was inspired by Tim Catophers book Stress Related Illness which I read last week that echoes Claire Weeks and what the wise people around me say, including the kind people on this site.

So I am working on the basis that I need to rest as much as possbile to rest the nervous system which I have found to be a fundamental method toward cure (been running too hot for too long - could only see that in hindsight), and do nothing when I'm anxious until it passes to prove to myself what I fear won't happen - this is working well. I have also been practicing being mindfull all day by staying in the here and now, as facing up to my fears and worries without doing anything is obviously producing more anxiety for now. Being mindfull has shown me that, unexpectedly, I am actually feeling fine most of the time and any distress is being caused by worrying about the past or future. And that when I am in actual distress and stay with it, I find I can cope with it and it goes soon if I leave it. = BIG SUCCESS!!!!

I see myself as being in a transitional period. Moving away from old habits and building confidence in myself. I feel a little flat without the stimulation of anxiety followed by the feel good factor of being reassured, therefore I am aware that I need to fill my time now with things I enjoy or simple activities - I am listening to the radio a lot! But, it is working. I know I will be okay, and after 18 years on and off I will finally walk away from irrational worry and anxiety and panic. I know old habbits will try to return in times of stress but if I remember the lessons I have learned this time around, one reason I am recording it here, I will be able to nip it in the bud - another very important skill to learn.

I see this as a bungee jump - I have to take the leap of faith and trust in myelf that I will be okay, so far my rope is in tact!

Hope your day will be a happy one.

Cathy X

[avasnana]

Its great to hear positive news about anxiety. Well done to you.

Im on my fourth week on 10mg of citalopram and this week came back to work full-time, after being off for 3 weeks and have found it much easier to cope.

Previously I would have paniced when I had a "funny feeling", but now I think I have felt like this before and nothing bad happened to me and it passes.

I have days when i feel tired, but work have been really good and told me to take a break or go for a walk if I need to, so that all helps.

I think its important to recognise the success we have towards recovery, it may seem something small but they are all steps in the right direction.

[cathy s]

Well done avasnana for you success! It's very rewarding when you do something you were nervous of and it wasn't as bad as you thought isn't it! Is this your first time on cit?
cathy

[avasnana]

Thanks Cathy x

I've been on citilopram before and it worked well for me. Im about to increase from 10mg to 20mg, but think I'm gunn a do 15mg first then go to 20mg.