Obsessing over what other people think.

[FleshAndBlood]

Hello. My first post here. Anyway, my story is that I just can't stop thinking what other people think and it's making me 10 % of the person I can be and it also gets me to panic. Here's how it usually works. If I'm around a certain person, my brain automatically starts defending itself. Rationally I know there's nothing to defend from but what other people think feels so threatening and I know that most of the time they aren't even thinking the things I think they're thinking, even if they are thinking those things, I know it doesn't matter. Yet it's so hard to stop obsessing over it and feel threatened.

There is actually a reason for this. When I was a kid other kids teased me, ridiculed me and heck, even bullied me whenever they knew of my weaknesses. I guess it was probably traumatic because later on I would always be careful, defend myself from what other people may be thinking not to allow those things to happen again and all in all, I would always withdraw into myself, never trust people, always feel like I need to defend. it's my brain's automatic response really. It got me to the point of depersonalization, I know my brain is exhausted and overworked, I know it never stops yet I'm not really sure how to stop it, just calm down and live the reality that is now and not constantly defend myself of essentialy stuff that is irrelevant.
The problem for me now as an adult is that I feel like a screwup yet no one can know...even though I know everyone knows, I know it doesn't matter what they think but I just obsess over it. Can't do anything. Panic all the time. Feel incompetent. If I could only calm my mind down.



Hope you understand what I'm talking about. Hope you can't relate cuz it's not exactly a breeze
Thanks you all in advance for your advices. If you need more info, I'd be happy to provide.

[sunflower50*]

Hi...you are just like me. I worry about everyone and everything...is there not mess out there for this OCD???

[MyNameIsTerry]

Welcome to NMP

I think anyone who has suffered form an anxiety disorder will understand this to some extent because we all start to wonder if others can see how much we are panicking inside.

It sounds like this is very much a behavioural issue that was conditioned by how you were treated earlier on in life. You've started to shield yourself from the potential harm that othe people could cause you and you have issues with trust. No doubt how you were treated really affected your self confidence, self worth & self esteem.

Its going to be useful to explore how to build your confidence and to consider how you view yourself in terms of self worth as these greatly impact self esteem.

I think you also need to retrain your brain to prevent going into these saftey behaviours so that you can feel more comfortable around people.

Have you ever tried Mindfulness? This could help you because it includes acceptance and compassion. (to yourself and others) This might help you feel more open as its proven to stimulate the compassionate side of the subconscious which makes us happier. This might help you feel more comfortable around others and at the same time prevent your subconscious kicking off the safety behaviours.

[Richard1960]

Welcome to NMP

I think anyone who has suffered form an anxiety disorder will understand this to some extent because we all start to wonder if others can see how much we are panicking inside.

It sounds like this is very much a behavioural issue that was conditioned by how you were treated earlier on in life. You've started to shield yourself from the potential harm that othe people could cause you and you have issues with trust. No doubt how you were treated really affected your self confidence, self worth & self esteem.

Its going to be useful to explore how to build your confidence and to consider how you view yourself in terms of self worth as these greatly impact self esteem.

I think you also need to retrain your brain to prevent going into these saftey behaviours so that you can feel more comfortable around people.

Have you ever tried Mindfulness? This could help you because it includes acceptance and compassion. (to yourself and others) This might help you feel more open as its proven to stimulate the compassionate side of the subconscious which makes us happier. This might help you feel more comfortable around others and at the same time prevent your subconscious kicking off the safety behaviours.

Hi There and Welcome.

Terry is right and this is probably one of the things i have had most success with.

Perhaps due to age i am quite condfident and do not now really worry too much about how others see me , it will require some retraining of you brain for sure,and how you view yourself.

If you can get you head around to thinking that you are as good as anybody you might meet no matter what position in life they are,you will be halway there.just also think that they themselves might be thinking just like you.

Very often people i desal witrh as a Union rep IE high ranking managers are not always as confident as the signals they give out, just like you think now.

CBT available from MIND or through your GP may help you.

Remember also we cannot change what has happened in the past,we can only change our futures.

Richard.