eptopics,depression, anxiety..help

[ashley]

Hello all

I cant take this i just dont know what to do anymore, i cant handle it..im in so much pain.physically,and emotionally... the symtoms of anxiety get me down too much and then if it isnt anxiety then its depression takes over and that is so so grosh, such a deep and nasty twisted feeling...
I sat there yesterday and cried and cried, which is somethink i havnt been able to do for a while.. and at that moment i was feeling desparate and i thought..ok if this is so painful all the time if i feel so badley down, i want out of the pain and think i should end it all, surley its not good for my kids to see me so down, even if i do try to hide myself and the way i feel, i snap a great deal, ive let them down so much,and now what am i doing failing them again with the way i am.

I have been treated as a piece of **** by men and friends all my life, i look at myself snd feel so fat and ugly, so useless, someone with nothink.. a no-one in life.. that i cant stand that overwhelming nasty sick feeling anymore,so i have started thinking of how i will kill myself now, and i cant belive that it has come to that... i thank god for 2 beautiful children and i love them with every piece of my heart , but i am no good for them, i cant help all this i have tried everything apart from medication nothink is working ..i cant stand this deep , dark , sad,lonley, anxiuos world that i live in anymore...its full of gloom, eptopic beats, nerves, sadness behond belif, ... its so dark where i am.
i want to go to the park with my kids and have no motivation for life, my family havnt got a clue how bad i really am, they are old fashioned bless them and just think, oh she will be alright.. i have looked back on my life and i have always been a nervous person since i was little , and here i am now, no different .. what a failure i am.. no money no car..no nothink for my age..im fuc**ng hopeless, and feel it to the core.`
I even think of where im going to be buired.

I have citrapram sitting in my cupboard and i am too scared to take them as i just cant feel worse than this,im scared of the added side-effetcs.. i do actually think this is bio-polar.. because i change from one hour to the next ..god some one has got to help me... i cant take this feeling nomore..nomore..nomore nomore x

ash x

[tnt808]

Ashley,

I am so sorry that things are so rough for you right now. I can relate to some of what you are going through. Just know that you are not alone in this.

You are not a failure, nor any of the other things that are going through your head right now. It's the anxiety and depression taking over.

The one thing that I have realized through this is that children are resilient. They can handle things a lot better than we think. Your children love you no matter what is going on, and they need you. So, you can't take them to the park at this point in your life..you can be creative and do things within your comfort zone...(I've had to do this). Children just want to be loved. We tend to be so hard on ourselves through this illness, you are doing what's right..you are loving your children and getting on for them! You are doing great. I know it hurts, and I know how scary it is, believe me...but we have to keep plodding on, right?!
Step back and look at the things that you are doing right and you will see your children's faces.

Take Care of You,

Tina

[Southern_Belle]

Ashley,

I agree with Tina, you have 2 beautiful children who love and need you. I think by you just posting this you are asking for help. You are also not a failure or none of the negative things you were saying, it is the depression talking and it has taken over. I suggest you see your GP and see if you indeed are bi-polar. Or, try the meds you have been given. If you haven't tried them they may make you feel better regarding the anxiety/depression. Let somebody you know (even if your family is old-fashioned) how badly you are feeling. Let someone in to help you. I think that just right now you are overwhelmed. We all need help sometimes. Material items are not everything. You have your children, they are the most precious things on earth. Please call somebody, anybody to either get counseling or a GP appointment as soon as possible. I think you will feel better for it.

Bel

[Keitharcher]

Ashley

Believe it or not you have started the long road to becoming well agin, you have entrusted your feelings to the memebers of this site. Stop thinking of yourself as a nothing, noone is a nothing, you have kids that look up to you and rely on you. There are many positives in life and you share most of them. As for feeling a no-one, you are someone, start believing that and you will soon become someone you admire and respect. Self liking breeds liking from others, and if they dont like you thats thier tough luck. As for the meds you have in the cupboard i suggest you take them, I was on them and they worked for me. They take a couple of weeks to kick in but when they do you will find that you will be able to sort your problems out logically. Keep in touch with your doc, he may not seem to understand but if he is any good he will do. I hope you get out of the dodrums soon

Keithxx

[ashley]

Thankyou for ya advice all--its good that someone hears me.. i just feel so bad and just cant stand this feeling anylonger... the eptopics are pure hell going on all day.. and as much as there the nasteset feeling,,,, thats not the only symptom i have to put up with ... theres thousands never ending....plus the dark depression that has a strong hold of me... it hurts so much... i will start to take the tablets ok, i have to dont i at least try.. but if this fails ( i know i shouldnt think like this) but if it fails then i give up... because im so weak.. after what i endured last year and then this i cant take the pain of living like this anymore right...
Your so kind ..and than you people ... this site has helped me... wish you could all come over and live here with me lol..
When is the best time to take citrapram .. and i am on 20mg.. could anyone tell me if the side effects are real bad, and if they know of much knowledge concerning this one.


ashley xxx

[wendy]

Ash

I feel for you so much, really do, I think you need to go back and get more help from your Doctor, I know the strength you have inside and how you love your kids, we all need help sometimes please dont feel you have to go this alone, you have so many people here who think so much of you and we all here for you

Take Care

Wendy xxx