what IS the matter with me

[Paddington]

i m typing my way thru bad PA,started as soon as i got up,dizzy,numb feet and hands ,feelin sick,head hurts,jaw stiff[tht's new!]the usual 'i'm dying' scenario.i am hoping typing will make it go away.i do think that even tho i had a good day yesterday ,i am so full of grief that it is causing this anxiety.i sooo wanted to howl my head off yesterday when i'd put the obituary in,but i swallowed it down as my Son ws there and i didn't want him to be angry or think i was being over the top[it is his best friend who has died you see]but i loved him too,very much and cant believe i wont see him again.well now i am shakin and cryin so i guess i am right in thinking this is grief,and despair that a life has been wasted[he killed himself]i've known him since he was 4 yrs old,and he was 30 when he died.so thats a lot of years isn't it?it was a cry for help that went tragically wrong,and it is haunting me.i know time will make the pain less and it helps to tell the forum,but sometimes you need someone to hold you and let you cry.but i am the 'strong' one and hve to support my Son.I am finding it very hard today.thanks for reading this.thank you Dawn for your beautiful card,it is special as it aknowledges MY grief.i will treasure it.P A subsiding some what,so that is a relief,still feel numb in the arms ,horrid this sensation.i wonder if i am havin a rection to the medicine i am takin for my cystitus??dont feel right at all.oh lord,it's sweepinover me again,gunna go in to the garden folks,got get thru it.love mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[mirry]

hI MARY,

I am so sorry to read about your sons friend, something like what has happened would really really shake you up.
Last month my friends husband comitted suicide and i was just like you really shaken up, you see they live across the road to me and I didnt know the ambulance was for her house ,i thought it was for the eldery next door. When someone dies like this it leaves everyone feeling confused and full of grief. I remember thinking if only i popped over the road and stopped him doing it.
You are allowed your time to grieve and have a good cry for your loss, dont bottle it in and please remember he isnt suffering any more, he is in peace. It takes time mary and remember everyone on this forum is here for you.

mirryx

[wendy]

Hi Mary

My thoughts are with you and your son, A sucide is such a hard thing to cope with (my dad died this way when I was 15). Please take time to grieve and look after yourselves and take counselling if you feel it is needed, If you ever need a chat please feel free to contact me

Take Care

Wendy xx

[Paddington]

thank you for replying to my post,i have pm'ed you all.Feeling drained today and quite poorly[mind you have got cysitus!]funeral on monday and my Son wants to go with his brother while i wait at his flat!What can i do,but respect his wishes.i would probably goto pieces any way ,and his Mom doesn't need that!Well thank you again ,love mary.xxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[sassy]

hi mary, sorry for your loss. grief comes in all shapes and sizes, there is never a right or wrong way.
my ex commited suicide after i ended the relationship, and altho it happened 9 years ago, never a day goes by when he isnt in my thoughts. when he died i thought my heart was tearing in two..i found writing letters to him, or writing my feelings down helped. i cried every second (crying helps) of the day for what seemed like forever. talk/cry/write..i also spoke to the samaritans, they called me every night for over a month.
perhaps speak to a grief counsellor? suicide is a tough thing for anyone to get their head around. of course you must be there for your son, but you must deal with your grief in able to keep strong for him xxx
(im here if you need a chat)

[carlin]

Hello Mary, so very sorry you are going through this, my feelings are with you all at this most dreadful time. xx

[Paddington]

thank you so much sassy and carlin,for your thoughts and understanding.god bless you.love mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[Keitharcher]

Hi Mary

My thoughts are with you and i can understand why you are so upset. Dont be ashamed to cry, its one of natures ways of allowing us to vent our feelings.

Keith

[Coni]

Hi Mary,

I'm really sorry for what you are going through just now. I agree with Keith, allow yourself to cry, tears are healing. I'm thinking of you and your son.

Take care

Coni X

[Paddington]

thanks Kieth AND Connie for your kind toughts and support,i do keep having moments of overwhelming sorrow and have to have a weep.i know people on here TRULY understand how i/we are feeling and i thank you for that,god bless,love mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore