Memories

[Ellie2008]

Hi guys,

Any advice appreciated. I am 28 and work in the legal profession. As a student I worked for almost 10 years in a pharmacy. During this time I stole some stock - pregnancy tests and a contraceptives.

I am disgusted with myself for doing this but worse I fear I may have stolen cash, I have no vivid memory of this nor do I remember specifics but I dont know why I would fear it if it didnt happen.

I am going to a counsellor but he is not a fan of hypnotherpy, as in I was wondering if he could help me remember.

I want to remember as I want to give the money back as I intend to do in relation to the stock.

I dont understand much about memory but I have read that sometimes things you imagine appear real.

I feel like a fake and like I deserve a criminal record but I wouldnt be able to do my job afterwards.

[Lynnann]

Hi Ellie,

Rather than punishing yourself for things that you may or may not have done, could you not look towards the future and perhaps think that is the past. Be a better person in the future? I haven't been in your position but I have made decisions I would make differently now. I look on them now as I did what I thought was best at the time? for you, now you know better?

stop beating yourself up over things that you can't change. look towards the future for the person you want to be and be proud of who you become.

Lynnann

[Ellie2008]

Dear Lynnanne

Thank you for your reply & kind words, maybe other people were too horrified at me to respond. I am going to see a psychiatrist this week hopefully she can help me.

[Bravedart]

Hi Ellie

I wasnt horified at your post, I thought LynAnnn answered it very well. I didnt have anything else to add. What I would say is that we have all done things in the past that we............. shall we say, wish we hadnt .. I suppose thats what lifes about, making mistakes and learning from them. You sound as though you have learned from yours so I would try my best to move on

Take Care.

[snowgoose]

Ellie ....................very few would be horrified you know .
heck ...........everyone has something in their past they are guilty about whether it is theft of paper clips from office or pulling wings off flies when a child
so stop persecuting yourself now . no it was wrong of course and now you are going to make amends . the past has gone Ellie and you have learnt from it xx
I would now get a form of atonement by giving to a charity or helping someone in trouble . the money issue is unclear .and could be your anxiety talking . you dont know and cant clearly remember .

learn from it ............atone for it now in some practical way ..........and move on and above all forgive yourself for something that happened in the past

[paula lynne]

Hi Ellie, we all do things we are not proud of. EVERYONE! x
Resolve to be a better person in the future. You didnt commit murder, you stole a few things...I really wouldnt beat yourself up over this now. Move on, looking back doesnt help in my opinion. Luv P x

[suzy-sue]

Ellie .All these feelings are caused by Anxiety .If you had stolen money you would remember .Guilt Anxiety which this is shows you feel sorry for what you did .Like the others have said we have all done things we regret in our lives .The most important thing is you have learnt from it .This type of Anxiety can develop into Obssesive thinking .What s done is done but you do need to forgive yourslef and allow yourself to leave it in the past .Good luck with your therapy .luv Sue x

[Ellie2008]

Thanks all for your replies I'm going to post my old employer a few grand to cover anything, sometimes when I'm down in the dumps the feelings seem quite real about taking money - I saw on tv that you use different parts of your brain for memory & imagination and was going to ask doc if she s ever scanned anyone to see though I have a strong feeling she ll say no way.

[Lynnann]

Hi Ellie,

If you really feel you have to send money to ease your concience, why not send it to a charity? or NMP to help with running costs? Your employer has not missed this money and it would raise more questions than resolve anything.

Lynnann