really struggling at the moment

[hamster lady]

Hi everyone

I am really struggling with my panic and anxiety at the moment, it is really starting to get me down. Now that I have had panic attacks and severe anxiety out in public places it now keeps happening and I am not enjoying the things that I used to enjoy before it all started last August. I can't go shopping without going with somebody and if I do go if I don't get a panic attack going around the shop I will get to the till and my heart just starts pounding and my hands start sweating, I just can't seem to calm myself down. I also can no longer go to coffee shops or restaurants because I feel trapped but I am OK if I sit outside in the fresh air. I can't cope going to places where there are lots of people, I get this horrible feeling like the world is closing in on me and I just want to go home. I can't really cope with get togethers with friends or family, as I start panicking when we all sit down to eat, I feel trapped and my heart starts pounding again! We have got some get togethers with friends and family over the weekend and I'm not looking forward to them at all. I can't take my dog for a walk on my own unless it is just around the corner from my house where I know I can get back quickly. I can just about cope with going to the corner shop which is only about 2 minutes walk but my heart usually starts pounding when I get to the till or if I stop to talk to someone. I feel like a shadow of my former self, and I'm worried that I am also getting a bit depressed. I have been extremely stressed because of my son's illness (chronic fatigue syndrome) which is making things so much worse.

I think I am finding it difficult to get over this because I seem to have developed a phobia about my heart due to all the palpitations I have had. I know my ECG was normal but I keep thinking that they have missed something. It doesn't help that I am waking up every night with nightmares and my heart racing, I am also scared to go to sleep because I think I'm going to die. I spend all day worrying that I'm going to die suddenly of a heart attack or stroke caused by my anxiety it is really starting to take over my life and I am now finding it hard to enjoy anything at all at the moment. I really need to get over this for the sake of my son, he doesn't need his mum being an absolute nervous wreck, I feel such a failure. I can't face going back to the doctors because I get very panicky in the waiting room and when seeing the doctor and I find the small doctor's consulting rooms very claustrophobic.

I just want to feel like me again.

[paula lynne]

Hi HL, have you tried any of the tips I sent you via Pm? x
You are not a failure ok. I wrote about that too. I hate the docs...please try the lavender and re-breathing technique with a paper bag. You may feel crap for 5 mins while there, but it sure beats feeling crap for NOT going......just try. x
Paula x

[jothenurse]

I have the same problem with the pounding heart. Have had many EKG's and a 24 holter and they feel my heart is fine and it is just the anxiety and panic. It is very scary and it is hard to go out and do anything. My heart will start pounding also when I have to stand in line at the grocery store or if I have some errands to do. I do work full time in a very stressful job and have to keep trying to calm myself when I am at work. I too worry that there is something wrong with my heart, but I keep telling myself that they have said my heart is fine. I used to exercise a lot but have not done much at all because as soon as my pulse elevates, I get scared and panic. I also have a dog that I can only take for a walk if my son is with me, and even then my heart will pound at times. My counselor has told me that I just need to keep pushing myself, so that is what I am trying to do. I hope you start to feel better.

[marisasue]

HI,

I can truly relate, I've been struggling with anxiety my whole adult life... I want to share a great website with a lot of free information, free book download, even a free Dr. Consult (not for med's though, they don't use them in their program). Anyway, for the first time I feel hope that I am overcomming this, and I want that for everyone, so sorry if I sound like a commercial, I just want to tell and help the world right now. I wish you all the best!

The website is : www.chaange.com

BYW, they are in the US, but I'm pretty sure they help all over the world!

Take care,

Marisa

[hamster lady]

Thanks so much everyone for your replies. Paula - I have been trying the lavender and I think it might be starting to work, I forgot to take it out with me yesterday which was a bit silly of me! I went round to the shop this morning to get a paper without a panic attack which I was really pleased about. I also took my dog out for a walk with my eldest son and I was OK with that too, but the underlying fear of getting a panic attack is always there. It doesn't help that she is a bit of a reactive dog too! Jo - it is interesting that your counsellor has told you to keep pushing yourself, maybe that is the key to getting over panic disorder.

I think I find it harder to control my panic when I go out because at home I distract myself with things like playing the piano or doing something boring like housework. When I'm out it is harder to do that especially when you are standing in a queue at the supermarket. I just really hate the feeling of my heart pounding and worry that I'm going to faint in front of everyone or have a heart attack - it is so horrible. I suppose the only way through this is to keep going out, even if it is with other people at the moment and learn to cope with my anxiety and panic. At the moment I can't imagine myself walking into town and going shopping like I used to but hopefully one day I will get there. Paula, your tips are brilliant and I just need to keep working on them. I shall take my lavender oil out with me when I go out over the weekend. Thanks again everyone for you support, help and advice, it is very much appreciated.

[paula lynne]

Just a quick one..................MASSIVE WELL DONE TO YOU FOR GOING OUT TO GET THE PAPER....and not having a panic attack....WHOOP WHOOP!!!!!!! Youre doing it...keep going. Really proud of you!

[hamster lady]

Thanks Paula, hopefully little steps forward will be the key to my recovery. I think the fact that the shop is only two minutes away and the fact that it doesn't take my long to get home if I need to allows me to be able to cope with going there. The shop is a godsend because I can get a few groceries there if I need them and there is also a post office so I don't have to go all the way into town. The other day I went down there to send off a parcel and there were about 6 people in the queue. I just knew that I couldn't stand there and wait without feeling really panicky so I just came home utterly defeated! It didn't help that it is really hot in that shop and I feel really lightheaded and a bit faint when I get really hot that doesn't help matters! My husband ended up taking the parcel down for me but I felt a bit rubbish that I couldn't do it! I am not feeling too bad at home at the moment because my husband is off work for the easter holidays but I'm dreading him going back because I feel really panicky when he goes out to work. My parents come over to help me once a week which really helps and at least my husband is back in the early afternoon three days a week. I am not on my own because my son is too poorly to go to school at the moment but it is stressful caring for him because I hate seeing him so poorly. My once active, sporty boy now gets out of breath just walking up the stairs and can hardly walk anywhere, it just breaks my heart.

I am going to keep going down to the shop as much as I can and work on not getting a pounding heart when I am there but I think it is going to take quite a while. It is the queues that get me! I am dreading Thursday because I've got to back to the Citizen's Advice Bureau to finish off filling in the form for my son's Disability Living Allowance. The last time I went there my heart was pounding while I was in the waiting room but I managed to calm down while I had my appointment. The consulting rooms there are very small and claustrophobic and I'm really worried that I'm going to get a panic attack in there and won't be able to concentrate on anything. I have got to do this for my son, so I have got to go and try my best not to panic, hopefully may appointment won't be as long as the first one when we were filling in the form, it took about an hour! I will let you know how I got on, fingeres crossed I can do it and not make a complete fool of myself!

[rizzy]

I am fairly new, just started on anti-depressants a few days ago, the palpatations got me worried, so all I do is take is big breaths and exhale slowly, Also I look at the heart pounding as a way my heart is telling me it wants to live, so I turn the fear into a positive

[blueangel]

Hamster lady - it sounds as though you need something to distract yourself on Thursday. Have you ever tried doing puzzles or crosswords? I've found sudoku is a really good way to distract myself as it makes me concentrate, which is very good for keeping anxiety at bay.

[Paul Philips]

Anxiety is horrible to live with it, but it becomes really debilitating once the panic attacks start. Over a period of time when I was having them I began to realise that I wasn't in any physical danger, and even after the worst ones there was no damage done to my health. From there I developed the mindset of treating anxiety like a schoolyard bully.
If you let him beat you up, things just continue to get worse, but if one day you say 'right, enough's enough, I'm going to the shops no matter what' and just constantly re-assure yourself when the adrenaline begins to flow that there's nothing wrong, the panic will begin to lose its power over you. You almost have to be aggressive within yourself towards it.
Even today a few years after the worst of my panic, I get the occasional bout of panic but I'm so well practiced in telling it where to go that it only lasts a few seconds.
It takes a lot of mental strength (much like the bully situation) to stand up to it, but it can be done.
I don't agree with the distraction idea. This to me is letting anxiety have power over you and if you take that attitude it will get progressively harder to defeat it.