In real need of help - feel like i wont last the month

[moomu]

Well, things are fast going down hill, talk about a turn for the worst from the semi-positive from yesterday.., while i could handle a sandwhich yesterday morning now I'm struggling on anything remotely thick, even my gaviscon.

Currently the only source of any energy i'm getting is from Dunn's River Nurishment drinks, i've absolutely no idea if this will sustain me in the longrun.

Every time i put something in my mouth and chew, i can feel butterflies in my stomach and i become extremely agitated - instead of chewing something like a biscuit for a while then swallowing, i find myself chewing until the mush is beyond mush and then i freak out and have to spit it out.

I know this is down to my panic problem, but i've lived 29 years without any trouble eating, and within just a single week i feel like i no longer have the ability to swallow solids at all.

Please, somebody, help..

I am seeing my GP later today, he's most likely going to tell me what i already know, that "he cant force me to swallow", that "it's just because your stressed out", but how am i supposed to not be stressed out when i have been starving hungry for days but cant get enough inside me to stop the feeling of panic i get from being hungry in the first place?

I've tried breathing techniques and they work fine but the moment foods back in my mouth i'm off again..

I'm going to be practically begging my gp to prescribe me citalopram, but even then i don't even know if citalopram would help my issue, has anyone here experienced trouble eating that went away with cit?

I am in desperate need of your encouragement and kind words, i was sat with my partner this morning, in her arms, crying my eyes out and telling her i was sorry, because i feel like i may not be on this world much longer..

[snowgoose]

hello Moomu,

so so sorry you are feeling so wretched and worried ..............I send my heartfelt sympathy and understanding to you
to be honest I dont have the knowledge to give any advice here .other than keep your fluids going .....and the energy drinks ...............you can ask the chemist for nutritional ones ..........and your doc could prescribe them which might work out cheaper .
dont despair forum friend ..............perhaps meds need to be the way for you ........lots of people including myself got our lives back with some meds .....get you in the right place to look why it happened in first place with energy and optimism .

take care of yourself .................we all care on here about you ..and soon someone wise will come on and give you advice re eating xxxxx

[moomu]

hello Moomu,

so so sorry you are feeling so wretched and worried ..............I send my heartfelt sympathy and understanding to you
to be honest I dont have the knowledge to give any advice here .other than keep your fluids going .....and the energy drinks ...............you can ask the chemist for nutritional ones ..........and your doc could prescribe them which might work out cheaper .
dont despair forum friend ..............perhaps meds need to be the way for you ........lots of people including myself got our lives back with some meds .....get you in the right place to look why it happened in first place with energy and optimism .

take care of yourself .................we all care on here about you ..and soon someone wise will come on and give you advice re eating xxxxx

Thanks for your kind words, i have been suffering from agrophobia for 9 years (10 this christmas), everything was hell up until about 5 years ago where i started to improve
I still have the off day, but if i put up with the initial panic i could go and do things now that i wouldnt have dreamed doing in the dark days of this illness.

What upsets me most is that i put on a lot of weight originally when i was first diagnosed, a few years ago i made steps to put my life back on track and gradually lost the weight and improved my life, with the help of my loving girlfriend.

3 weeks ago we went clothes shopping for me, the first time i had been shopping for clothes for myself in over 10 years, and while i had the usual sickness initially, i eventually felt great, bought some really nice clothes that boost my confidence immensely, we stopped by mcdonalds on the way home and shared a meal, life was going great, so whats happening now is ruining the good vibes i had.

About 10 days ago i had a tooth removed, so for the first few days after that i didn't eat much, and when i did i had to eat on the other side of my mouth to avoid the open gum, this wasnt too terrible and i was at least eating normally.

then last week after riding my bike in the morning i was exhausted, i later helped my brother out with moving some stuff (i was just driving), we stopped by a fast food place and i bought a chicken burger and fries, at some point while eating the fries it almost felt as if i had forgotten how to swallow.

From there on i have gradually been worrying about it more and more to a point where now i can barely get any food down at all, and drinks i can only manage if i don't "stop with a mouth full", because if i think about swallowing a mouth full of water or something, i panic.

For a while i have at some points, usually when i was really panicy, felt a lump in my throat, horseness and so on, but in the entire time i've had this condition i have only ever had problems swallowing this last week.

I've just got back from my GP and having talked to him about things, and told him how i feel, he is fairly sure i have globus hystericus, and has prescribed me 20mg Citalopram.

3 or 4 years ago i was initially prescribed 20mg Citalopram, but my battle with agrophobia wasn't going so well at the time so when after a few days the side effects started making me worse, i chickened out and stopped taking them, when my GP found out he changed the dosage to 10mg, but i didn't take these at all.

Now, i am stronger, i am much more capable of handling my agrophobia, it's just the new problem of globus hystericus that's causing me stress, which is why rather than chicken out again, i have decided to try 20mg Citalopram again and stick with it through the initial side affects.

I just really, badly, want to know from anyone else here, if they have ever had problems swallowing, or globus hystericus in general, that went away after starting on citalopram.

I really do appreciate your help guys and gals, i want to be normal, i feel like my 20s have been stolen from me, i want to take the rest of my life and make up for the lost time, and show my beautiful girlfriend just how much i love her, but to do that i need to fix myself.

I just want rid of this swallowing problem as soon as possible so it doesn't become a permanent thing, the idea of life on nutritional shakes doesn't sound appealing to me, but what scares me most is, will it always be this way, will there be a time when i am fine with swallowing again but the moment i think "hey, maybe i might choke" again, i'll be back where i am now?

Gah, i hate this.

[snowgoose]

hello again ,
glad you have seen Gp and the doc is aware .........and you are now starting meds xx
having read this forum a while now ...........there are some excellent folk here who are on same meds and with the same horrid throat problem who will be so supportive of you ...... you will already know who they are I bet by searching topic .they will reassure you x

re your 20s being lost ...................you know I get your sadness of course ..........but honestly you are still young .............and even without this horrible illness so many young now have such stress in their lives .
tell you my 30s were my best ever years !! so much life ahead of you Moomu .
dont ever look back with regret . The man who WILL recover is going to be a wise thankful ,kind one .........who will enjoy life to the full because you have been through hell .

reading your post ...............you have a loving partner ...........you exercise [cycling] ..........you are eloquent and have intelligence..........lots to be proud of .

sending you my best wishes and please be patient now ...........hold optimism in your heart always despite dark days

you have been proactive today in seeing the doc ..small steps will get you to the summit . xxx

[Greenman50]

Hi mate

Sorry your haveing a bad time . I had similiar issues you have probably seen my post..............

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=90953

Mine has more or less settled down , the more you think about it the worse it gets . Perhaps eat while you are doing something else to occupie your mind elsewhere . I,m on cit aswell , mine only really went when i had one meal ,(two mouthfulls) without my food feeling like it was stuck , i clung on to this thought and now i don,t think about eating i just eat and no more lump feeling . I was also not swallowing properly as i was expecting my food to get stuck and it made me sweat with panic , its shite i feel for you mate , but please remember it isn,t going to kill you , tell it it won,t win and to bugger off , laugh at it and say i,m going to get rid of you soon and gradually it will go . I would ask for diazapam mate if it is really getting to you and eat after takeing one of these .

[mjh74]

Hi Moomu,

I'm really sorry to hear you're in a dark place at the minute. I'm having a wobble myself. What I CAN tell you is that my dad's cousin AND his sister's husband both had quite severe swallowing problems out of nowhere! Strange isn't it! The good news is that they both conquered it over time. The sister's husband found that he could swallow small amounts of food if he was laying down and worked on that. About 15 years on we all went away with my dad's cousin to share a cottage for a week, we had many a good meal around the kitchen table and he was eating without any problems at all.
You'll find your coping strategy and you'll get back on track over time, just you see!
With regards to Citalopram, it has been my life saver. I started on it about 5 years ago and gradually worked up to 60mg/day (and yes I had some awful side effects for about a month). Over the past 2 years I've dropped down to 10mg and am ticking over nicely now. Maybe one day I'll be off it altogether, who knows.

Just keep the faith, you've swallowed for many years and over time, you'll swallow ok again!

Best Wishes,

Mark

[CarrieH]

Dear Moomu - i want to give you hope - i had this exact same problem around 10 years ago - i was hospitalized for it as I could only take water. I started on Citalopram liquid drops and within 6 months I was swallowing normally again. this was together with cognitive therapy too to change my thought patterns - i really only saw a major improvement however when I started on this drug -unfortunately my problem and swallowing phobia has returned in the last few weeks ( after some stressful times ) but I am going back to my doctor next week to ask for another prescription of Citalopram. I am sure I will be ok again after a couple of months on this - I just need to reduce my anxiety. I was prescribed Valium too 3 times a day before every meal - this also helped

I hope i have given you some hope with this - I also have moments of despair where I break down when I think that i might waste away completely and never see my loved ones again - I totally understand all of your fear and worries - we will get there!

[goldberg]

Hi Moomu,
Sorry to hear you are suffering , I to had a fear of swallowing and thought that i would choke on my food. I went to my GP ,who sent me to counselling and put me on Citalpram . This work fine. I`m off the citalipram at the moment and sometimes the thoughts of swallowing come back into my head.But not as bad.hope this helps x x