Citalopram and lack of emotion - help!

[LilyC]

Hi my boyfriend (who lives 3.5 hrs away from me, he comes to visit me quite often) suffers from personality disorder and so around Feb of this year he asked to go on Citalopram (he's been on it before, years ago and hated it so god knows why he wanted to try it again). Anyway it was because his anger was coming out since seeing me and he hated that and he was getting violent thoughts etc etc (never violent, just in his head). His love for me has always been apparent and he is a very caring person too. Sooo, since he's been taking it, he's become calmer, sleeps more, but bit more distant but loving when he's with me as always. Last time we were together three weeks ago, it was lovely as usual and loving and we spoke in more depth about marriage as we both want that. He then goes home (hates it living where he does, hates the house, hates looking after his stepfather with Parkinsons though only has to cook and pick up his medication, he doesn't sign on (no motivation) and exists in his room. Anyway, this time, when he gets back we chat a couple of times then out the blue (completely!!) he mails me saying he has no feelings for me any more and doesn't want to see me. OK personality disorder can make him rash but not having feelings for me - no way! I've researched SSRIs/Celexa/Citalopram since then and have found no end of evidence about it affecting emotion. I sent him the info last week, but he said to his sister about it that he felt if his love was that strong it'd have coped with him being on the medication. Is there any hope for us? I've spoken to his doctor's surgery (not to get info off them but to help them treat him by talking about how he's been and my concerns for him) and intend to again but it's just devastated me, and he's not himself now, ok calmer and not angry but having no emotion - not like him he adored me! We were talking of marriage! What can I do?! I can't give up on the man sorry but he's worth more than that. And incidentally, I know a fair amount now about personality disorder so am not new to his problems.

[suzy-sue]

I cant say the Cit has made your boyfriend like this .But it can affect your emotions Some people cant cry on it .It doesnt stop you loving people tho .Maybe he just needs a bit of space and will realise he really does love you if you give him time .It must be very upsetting for you ,I hope he sees sense .Take care luv Sue x

[Greenman50]

I feel more distant from people than before i was on it . I was so clingy to my wife and didn,t want her to leave the house when i was suffering with the anxiety and depression it was such an awefull feeling of being lost and helpless and i needed to have someone there for me .

I,ve slowly gone completely different on citralapram . I know what i want out of life now and love being on my own and getting out and about more . I feel it has changed my personality and the way i think .

Perhaps , and i,m only trying to help and just typeing what i,m thinking your boyfriend could now feel more independant and not need you as much as he thought he did when he wasn,t well before the citalopram ?

Perhaps he just needs some space as they say ?

Hope it works out for you .

[NoPoet]

He's been through a horrible ordeal and is still going through it now. He's got to get used to the cit. Being ill with anxiety/depression changes you in some ways, although most people do get back to normal or near-normal eventually. At the moment he's probably scared, confused, emotionally exhausted, and his emotions seem shut down because of this. People often feel "broken", like they are cut off and not capable of love or emotion, but this is just a symptom of the illness. It shows he is emotionally exhausted at the moment.

[PUGLETMUM]

its weird coz mainly except for odd times i feel really different as well on cit - like im almost at the point of wanting to split from my husband - we are due to start a trial separation on monday - i can still cry though but its not like it used to be - i just have a little cry and then forget about it - like i cried at children in need and then tonight at the programme about reuniting families with davina mcall on itv - but before i was crying at anything - and also same as mel2 i really was ultra dependent and scared all of the time - i could never settle with myself - it was complete torture but i cant say why this is how your other half is reacting, because i dont know how he feels about you and your relationship - i just know me and my husband werent happy anyway - how old are you both?

[LilyC]

Hi well I'm a young 49 (!) and he's a mature 35 year old (and has only ever had two relationships in his life by the way one of six months at around 28 yrs and one of around 2 years on and off a while later. After the first relationship ending badly he went on the Cit for a while but hated it apparently.
Spoke to his sis yesterday about him and he's doing ok she said now, talking to his stepfather who he lives with (he normally exists in his bedroom all day and hardly speaks) and even mowed the lawn this week (he never does that - garden is a mess). He told her he received a couple of presents from me this week (I had no use for them they were specifically for him) and laughed about them but has never thanked me and she thinks he never will. I'm heading up there this weekend as just want some answers from him face to face. He's very confident to liaise with girls online on various websites (he does!) or dump me by one liner e-mails by the way.
He never cries by the way, never even worried about my breast biopsy results, oh of course that was the day he dumped me two weeks ago! He is the typical "I'm the only gay in the village" sometimes! I must sound mad loving him but he has such wonderful qualities I've not found in a man before and believe me I've had a few!! I can cope with his mental health issues indeed he says he's never met someone like me who is prepared to so loves that (or did love that). He has been very touched by how much I've looked into his illness in the past. His family were pleased he was in a relationship too. God I'll probably get some stick from people posting this advising me to ignore him but well, unless you're in it, you may not understand but I'm sure people reading this will understand. Thanks all of you for your support and input. x