Strange title I know, seeing the wood for the trees, but it fits, I think for many of us, and that is why I am asking for some help this easter sunday. You see I have done really well lately, I have had heart beat issues, bowel cancer, lung cancer, kidney failure, in fact you name it I have had it and not only had it but had it bad enough it will kill me very soon, but of course this hasnt happened as it has been in my head, just as real in many ways I know.
Now then, the help, I am not asking anyone to diagnose me, that would be silly, no I am asking if you can see the wood for the trees, you see about a week ago I got a spasm across my back which nearly took me off my feet, I am used to lower back pain having suffered it for many a year, although since I left a particular job it has ( touch wood) left me alone for a long time. This pain is middle back, ok so the first time ( which was last year sometime) it was obviously a heart attack and I saw a Doctor, nope, it was a back / muscle issue and nothing to worry about, I went away happy and it got better. I work sometimes quite hard and the job can be physical at times, not a worry, no pain humping stuff in and out of a van, nothing.
Then last Saturday out of the blue whack another spasm followed by pain, I was on my back for three days before I could see a Doctor, I told him I thought it must be lung cancer ( after all that is what google said), he listened, tapped and checked my heart, lungs and stomach, " it is your muscles" ok, I questioned could it happen again ? yes, is it anything to worry about ? no, are you sure it is muscles ? yes. Ok I am happy, he also said that as it just hapened and didnt happen when I was working, humping gear in and out of a Van that was a good sign, he said it would be more of a worry to him if it happened under stress/ work situation, THEN He said, " if it doesnt go in a week to ten days time come back and we will investigate your lungs further as you are a smoker" BANG Hammer time, did that ever push all the wrong buttons, now I am so aware of any twinge tweak pain etc I can hardly move, I wake up thinking " how is it today " I go to sleep counting how many times did it hurt today ? I walk just to see if I get out of breath, the list goes on and on.
Now did he say that because he is youngish, is a real anti smoker and tried to scare me ? which would make sense in one way or is there something ?.
I had a shoulder pain about two years ago which was defo cancer, I saw a 'old school' doc , she explained it was muscles, possibly neck and was not cancer, I saw a person who helped manipulate it, but even then I found myself ringing the Doc for words of help, she explained again over the phone that if indeed it was cancer I would either be very ill or as it had gone on for some time, dead ! That cheered me up, I wasnt ill ill and I wasnt dead and after a while it went.
I sit all day at a computer screen, I live with self imposed stress , I dont get out of breath ( no more than I think I should ) I have no cough, no blood in spit am not losing weight and am not constantly tired.
My logical mind says posture/ stress is to blame, my ill logical mind is convinced it is cancer, a tumour pushing against a nerve from time to time, but then if that was the case wouldnt it hurt all of the time, or can it hide behind a rib and just pops out now and then as it is the beginning of a small tumour ?, so much so I had some tears yesterday as I thought about how I tell my children, and I am a 53 year old male , so not young.
What do you think ? seen the Doc, well I wont repeat everything again, but can you see the wood for the trees.
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