How do you work on the root causes of health anxiety?

[onlysmee]

Hi, I just joined today but have had health anxiety for a long time. I had CBT last year and it helped some, but I have a strong feeling that it hasn't tackled the root cause of the problem. It's helped me see which behaviours help and which are destructive, but I can't seem to stop myself. I have back and leg pain at the moment which I think is probably sciatica (which though unpleasant, isn't life threatening), but instead of doing what I know I should - distraction, getting the problem in perspective, letting the thoughts pass through etc - I am indulging myself completely, trawling the internet, indulging in doomsday scenarios, and getting worked up into a familiar state. I am now convinced that this is probably a tumour pressing on my spine, or a serious infection, and that I will end up dead, leaving my children distraught, or paralysed and a burden to everyone. Cognitively, I know this is highly unlikely, so why am I doing this to myself?

Has anyone tried anything beyond CBT, like full-on psychoanalysis? I feel like this must be something I WANT to do on some level, like for the attention, or the way it makes me feel, or something, but I can't see why I would want that. I wouldn't wish this on anyone; it robs you of any joy in life. It's so frustrating that despite recognising what this is, I seem powerless to stop it. Anyone out there with any insights or suggestions? Thank you...

[bloxy]

I kind of understand what you mean.

I've just finished CBT and it took me a long time for it to click that once I stopped the behaviours then could I really fight the HA.

I used to feel the same as you and think...oh yeah, distract myself, that isn't going to work, I want/need to get information on this, there is really something wrong. I believe it does kind of become an addiction of sorts, you get locked into a certain way of doing things, thinking about things etc and bizzarely even though we scare ourselves silly, it becomes our 'comfort zone'.

I find that I fixate and dwell on things more when there are other stresses in my life, i.e family problems, financial problems, big event, and I honestly think that I slip back into HA ways as a distraction to the real problems in life, if that makes sense.

I find that the best thing is distraction by doing something though...I used to hate it when people said this to me, but it's true. I never google or research illness now, in fact, the idea of it scares me as I know the inevitable outcome will be me sat like a quivering wreck.

Sorry for rambling, probably haven't answered your question but just wanted to let you know I know how you feel

[onlysmee]

Thanks Bloxy, that has actually really helped. I think I am using the health anxiety thing as a way of not thinking about other stuff, which does sound weird but makes sense - it's almost a comfort thing, it's familiar and it uses up all my attention, and stops me thinking about other stuff. I've been resisting the distractions, knowing it's what I need to do but not doing it, so thank you for your post, it was a big help

[blueangel]

The thing about HA working as a comfort mechanism is quite true for some people, I think - we seem to have a deep-seated belief that we "have" to be anxious to stop bad things happening to ourselves.

When you did the CBT, did you work on your core beliefs about yourself? If so, if you look at these carefull,y you will eventually be able to see where these trigger your HA. For me, it was the thought that I was basically inadequate (due to a very crappy upbringing - long story).

The chain of thought that triggered me was:

I'm inadequate - I do not deserve anything good to happen to me - I'm feeling ill therefore it's the worst case scenario as I'm not entitled to a happy life (or I'm just generally doomed as only bad things happen to me)

It seems that a lot of the time, HA occurs in people who feel that they need to beat themselves up - it certainly works that way for me.

Hope this helps!

[onlysmee]

Could not be more true, blueangel. All that stuff came out in CBT, but the focus was much more on how to use strategies to overcome the behaviours, not on what caused them, which is why I guess I'm wondering about other forms of therapy. For me, it's about believing I should be punished; I can't believe I deserve to be as lucky as I am, so I'm waiting for it all to be taken away from me. Big tears rolling as I write this; I can't get over feeling like this. Wasn't brought up a Catholic, but with a similar value system of if you mess up, the gods will punish you - I messed up, and I'm still waiting for my punishment. I have three beautiful little children, and I can't relax and enjoy being with them for my terror that I will be taken away from them or they will be taken away from me. It's such a waste. Thank you so much for your post and for sharing your experience with me, it does help.

[StephieLane2105]

Hi there,

The root causes tend to be buried away in your sub concsious!
I havew recently finished a fun of Hypno & psycho therapy sessions and could not be happier with the results .

Steph

[bloxy]

My core beliefs were;

-Responsibility...if I ignore symptoms of illness, I'm being irresponsible and I could die and leave my children and family without me...
which leads to...
-Guilt...if I am not vigilant about my health and my children loose me, it's my fault.
-Fear of loss...not only my family loosing me, but also the thoughts that I would loose them by not being there.

What I found over time was that I applied these beliefs to many parts of my life which put enormous pressure on me and it wasn't until I realised this that I could accept what I was doing with the HA.

[onlysmee]

Bloxy - yes. All of the above. You just wrote my fears. With an additional bit of control freak which means no-one else could possibly get things right or replace me, and some God complex bits which say if I apply myself properly I can prevent all illness and avoid anyone I care about dying...!!

Was this recognition and a determined focus on distraction etc enough to pull you out of the worst of the HA, or did you do something else which helped, if you don't mind me asking?

[bloxy]

Blimey, I know what you mean about the God complex too. I also have OCD so over the years have developed many little ways of 'protecting/preventing', which left me feeling that I had to keep control of things/events...which lead ultimately to immense stress and pressure.

I think the recognition enabled me to use distraction techniques, because before I realised that all my problems were down anxiety I was kind of unwilling to try to distract myself because I thought I had a valid reason to focus on it.

It took me a long time to realise what was going on and it was hard work and at times I thought I was getting nowhere and I would never feel any better. Then something had happened to our car and I was really stressed about it and was talking to my therapist and we broke it down and I was following the same patterns/behaviours as I did with my HA and OCD, and it was EUREKA, this is actually anxiety I'm suffering from, I'm not being punished for anything or tempting fate...things just happen.

From that point I felt like I could actually tackle and challenge my thoughts better and rationalise what I was feeling/worrying about, which in turn made it easier to distract myself with other things and then I found that worries didn't linger around so much.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm 'cured', I do still have the odd little blip but it doesn't consume my every waking moment, cause sleepless nights or make me feel ill with worry, I can rationalise and when I can't quite manage it on my own, I'll sit down with hubby (who is a star), and he will help me to rationlise.

I think the final and most crucial stepping stone was realising that, I'm an anxious person, I will probably always be an anxious person and I probably always have been an anxious person. For a while I lost the ability to manage my anxiety but after some hard work I got it back and it will be something that I will have to keep a check on. My therapist likened it to someone who has diabetes...they lead a normal life and control their condition with insulin, I control mine with CBT. I hope you understand what I mean, she probably put it in a lot better way than I have.

I hope some of this helps and makes some sense (I do have a tendancy to ramble), if I can help you with anything, please feel free to get in touch x

[blueangel]

Agree absolutely with Bloxy - anxiety is condition that you learn to live with and manage. After all, if we had no anxiety at all, we would quickly end up dead as we would walk out under a car or do something else equally dangerous. One of the key things for me was realising that there is no such thing as "no anxiety" - it's not possible.

The God complex bit can apply to me as well - I know I have vague OCD components which make me believe that if I worry about things, I can somehow stop them happening.

Religion and guilt had a big part in my upbringing as well - I was mostly bought up by my mother and grandmother (my dad died when I was 7), and they were frequently cold and critical. My grandmother was a catholic, and as she was born in 1897, she had very tough, Victorian views on life. Then when I was 10, she took up with a religious sect that preached hellfire and damnation and then spent years terrifying me with stuff about sin and judgement. She'd leave leaflets around the house which graphically described Judgement Day, and these made me completely nutty about illness, death, and that only perfection would do for God, which of course I couldn't achieve as I was inadequate - therefore I was doomed.

Of course, all this is pretty heavy cr*p to get rid of, and you have to come to a point where you accept it's happened and you can't undo it.

But never forget that the bad things that have happened to you have still somehow contributed to the good things in you. I know that I'm a survivor as I've had to stand on my own two feet for so long, and that's actually a really useful thing.