Support for my wife

[mcray1981]

Hi Guys,

My wife has depression and is really struggling at the moment. When in midst of it her main symptom is feelings of not being able to cope followed with obsessive behaviours like having to clean or get through what she sees as her list of chores.

I'm trying to be as understanding as I can and let her talk when needs be but just wondering if you had any advice on how best I can help her? Or even if there were any tips on helping her when she is in the midst of one of the obsessive cleaning times?

I really want to help her any way I can. I have managed to talk her into going to Dr and starting counselling but it seems to be taking an age to get counselling arranged and I know what the waiting lists are like for CBT etc on the NHS.

I should say that medication is out at the moment.

Thanks for any advice you can give as I am really worried about her.

[macc noodle]

Hi Mcray1981

Sorry to hear that your wife is suffering but, wow, what a lovely husband she has who cares enought to try and find some help for her and who understands that she cannot help feeling this way.

When you feel lost and struggling to cope, you sometimes develop your own strategies to get through which in her case appears to be ocd like cleaning tendencies and list making. If they are proving a distraction for her, I would leave her be and let it be dealt with in conjunction with the professionals when you get some cbt arranged.

Does the cleaning and list making interfere with your normal life - do you have to do them to the exclusion of other things ?

If you don't mind me asking, has the doc. recommended that she take meds? Sometimes they provide very welcome relief to the sufferer, even if they do not really want to take them.

Good luck with the cbt referral - I waited 9 months for my assessment appt (I live in Cheshire and I know it varies with different health authorities).

Jan
x

[mcray1981]

Hi Jan,

Thanks for the reply.

I think you have probably hit on something in that the cleaning and task list is probably in some ways a distraction technique for her but sometimes it also causes things to worsen in that if she doesnt get the lists finished that adds more stress to her. It ends up being a rod to beat her own back with. She sets herself impossibly high standards too. I am really hopeful that the CBT will help - especially to lift her self esteem. She is really quite an amazing person who doesnt give herself any credit for anything.

My wife attended a prelimanary counselling session and at it the counsellor believed she could need medication. She was open to the idea but we are waiting on some other medical treatment which means it just isnt an option - the Dr agreed on this.

I guess really at the moment all I can do is be there as an ear to listen and provide as much support as possible when she does hit the wall.

Did you find the CBT effective?

Mcray1981