Pregabalin journal

[edsempire]

Hi everyone!

I'm new to the forum although I have looked on here quite a bit to see if anyone else has the same problems as me.

Essentially I am a bit of a worrier and its generally about things I cannot control, such as:

the bank of England base rate rising and me not being able to afford my mortgage

not being able to find lodgers for my house so I can still afford my mortgage

and the biggie, when I am i relationships I cannot stop worrying about what my partner (female) is up to when I am not about

The first two things are examples of little things that I can generally deal with but as I said the biggie is the relationship one - I am fine as long as feel in control of the relationship - little things set me off such as my girlfriend wanting to go out to the pub to see her friends (male and female) when I am away working (I work away week on week off), her not wanting sex (our sex life is fairly healthy but I just take it very personally if she doesn't want to have sex one night and think she doesn't want me any more) and if she has a day when she is not particularly cuddly it makes me feel very panicky for the same reasons.

I have felt this way for twenty years or so - I'm 31 and my first girlfriend was at 10 or so - I remember feeling like this about her all those years ago! I am pretty outgoing and confident when I am not in a relationship but the anxiety eats away at me and makes me depressed eventually when I'm in a relationship.... I also get pins and needles in my hands and face and feel short of breath. Unfortunately/fortunately I seem to have developed an ability to completely mask this and no-one can tell that I'm feeling like a having a total breakdown. Apart from my mum lol - always the way she can read me like a book even now! I think it is because I go quieter and lose confidence and the tone of my voice changes.

Most of my relationships have made me feel this way and the last girl I went out with I feel pretty rubbish about as she was lovely and I did love her, but just didn't fancy her enough and sort of picked her as she was a 'safe choice' - very quiet and I always knew what she was up to as she just didn't go out and do anything. As a result I felt like I was in control and did all the usual things that I would do - go to the pub with friends (only once a week or so) but she ended up feeling like I usually do - for this I feel very guilty and regret making her feel like this.

The only defence I have for this is that she also had serious control issues and the things I did I would consider to be normal within a relationship.....

The logic is all there, I understand it is normal to go out with other friends and I do not feel that she is doing anything unreasonable.

I am seeing a psychologist who says that my symptoms are very OCD like - it gets going on a loop in my head and I cannot get rid of the loop. Is she having fun with other people (generally guys I worry about) will she leave me - I am even jealous of my brother who she lives with in a house share - that is how we met. I just don't like the feeling of having to share her with others and cannot deal with the anxiety of it.

It is easier to end the relationship and then I would go back to being confident and outgoing and not reliant on someone else :(

However, this has left me with three options - go out with someone I don't really like as much as I should in order to be in a relationship I can handle, or alternatively go out with someone I like as much as I should and feel in a constant state of panic, or not be in a relationship as I can't handle it.

As these are not sensible solutions I have been to see a psychologist and she is trying to help me with the issues with CBT etc - I have had an assessment and one session. I am having to pay for this as I cannot wait for the twelve weeks for the NHS as I will be in a pit of depression and panic by then.

The psychologist also said that in the first instance that medication would help to stop the anxiety alongside the CBT and that I should try Pregabalin - recommended by a Psychiatrist she is in contact with based on my symptoms.

I have tried Propranolol and this did not help - or perhaps did in the first instance but not reliably and made me feel very sluggish which I do not like.

So today, the Pregabalin has been taken for the first time. The psychologist recommended to my GP that this is what I should be prescribed and I believe that I am lucky to have been prescribed it as it is very expensive - this is only what I have read in other's threads though.

The Psychiatrist said specifically that the standard recommendations should not be followed and that I should start off on a VERY small dose (25mg once a day) and build it up slowly - 50 mg second week, 75 mg second week etc etc.

I am slightly curious about this as I have read that a decent whack is needed to get it to work (150mg to 300mg per day) but I shall follow the instructions and see what happens.

I took the first tablet just over 2 hours ago now - feel slightly sleepy but that could just be that I got up early this morning!

I am not feeling panicky at the moment but I do not know whether this is the effect of the medication or not! Or perhaps just feeling as though I have taken control of the situation a little and believing that things will be ok!

The difference between the pharmacological and the psychological is not yet clear!

Hopefully over the course of the next week or so this will become clear and the drugs will achieve their purpose!

Next update tomorrow - won't be so long and waffly - just wanted to explain the background behind it.

If anyone has any questions or anything they want clarifying please feel free to ask. And of course - feel free to contribute anything at all!

And yes, as I said before, the logic is there, I realise I have a problem - I realise what is rational worry and what is not, but cannot apply (YET!!!) the rationale, hence the medication while the CBT is worked through!

[sunset30]

Hey Edsempire

I totally empathise with your situation as i am going through the same thing .

I always came across as a depressed person even from a young age and possibly very introvert, painfully shy til i hit 13-14 years of age then went of the rails looking for solice in adult company, drink,drugs and drink to cope with life ( may i add the only time i ever felt incontrol or relaxed was in these conditions but not always). I don't do these things any more mind.
As i grew up became more and more anxious, no trust in anyone, even the friends/family still feel like that now. Desperately wanted not to feel like this maybe some of the major events that happened in my life contributed to my illness or family predisposition. One of the most embarrassing things having sweaty hands and feet which are set of by anything which makes me more anxious about people seeing.

I always thought i had very bad depression with anxiety /paranoia as a secondary thing try loads of different Anti-depressants, councelling but always felt i only got so far with these maybe i didnt give them long enough, but i hated relying on these things in life so i always reverted to my bad ways or never left the house unless i had to.
I struggled to hold down jobs or find any motivation but if i do i get very obsessive and also in my relationship with my boyfriend now and previous ones. Feel like a bit of a loony at times because my head races a 100 mile an hour sometimes or constantly plays stupid events that have bothered me over and over again. So much so trying to sleep at night is almost impossible for me, its exhausting So i suffer with insomnia which is a huge pain in the arse as it effects your mood more when you don't get any kip.

At times i can pretend to play the confident nothing bothering me person and then ii slip in to the isolated, trapped, anxious person again with a drop of a hat.

Needless to say my doctor has recognised that my anxiety could be the primary problem which sets of depression as a secondary problem and thinks i have GAD like you, social anxiety disorder too.
So he wanted to try me on the same drug as you Pregabalin. I started this med 3weeks ago 25mg one week, uped the next week to 50mg and last week 75gm.

I got to say i felt pretty strange and still do at times but i do feel a slightly more calmer but know where near what i need to be to deal with things 100% yet. But do find that i had a few dizzy spells at the start and feeling of more anxious and felt i should be doing something active but all of a sudden exhausted. Trying to get active i would get tied with in a few a couple of hours. Everything felt a bit sereal and noticed i was doing doppy things like putting the cooking oil in the freezer a few times Putting coffee in a cup of tea. Buts that seems to of pass a bit.
I have calmed down a bit. I'm not feeling half as bad as i would feel of Anti-depressants but still get the sweaty hands for no reason at times. I have had a bit of quick temptedness at times to. But generally i feel i might be on the right kind of meds for my illness not totally sure yet. Just hoping that when they increase my does in 2 weeks time that i will be feeling more lifted and not so lethargic.
Please excuse some of my spelling as i am dyslexic.

Hopefully you will start seeing the benefits quickly but i am more than happy to let you know how i get on with mine . But all medications effect people differently so you may feel different things, hopefully all positive for you!

Good luck with it chook and keep me posted

Sorry i have waffled on lol

[edsempire]

Hi!

Interesting to hear from someone else who has the same issues - my anxiety is generally ok as long as I can keep in control of everything - its the relationship thing that really gets me going as you cannot control what another person is thinking or doing! And if you do try it just pushes them away :( which is not the desired result! I also worry that I am going to push them away with behaviour like that - a double edged sword!

I have been feeling calmer today, with only slight jitters that I think that my girlf will be going out to the pub tonight with her friends and I am trapped at work miles away. I don't know still if this is psychological that I am feeling slightly better about it or if the pregabalin is working. I feel ever so slightly fuzzy headed but nothing I can't cope with.

I have not really taken much in the way of medication before as I was concerned that it was a road that I didn't really want to go down as who knows what is going to do to you really.

I too have found solace in drink and drugs but also don't do them any more - a few beers is all now as the hangovers are terrible. When I say drugs it was just a lots of weed - I have tried other stuff but never made a habit of it....

What is it that sets you off in terms of relationships - is it the control thing and worrying about what they are doing all of the time? And that they might lose their feelings for you? Or not actually have them and are just stringing you along? And is it also better when you are not in a relationship as the doubt element has gone - I would be interested to hear you views on this!

I am going to keep on with the CBT thing to see if it helps - they have essentially tried to straighten out my reasoning by discussing what I do with my girlf that makes our relationship different than her relationship with others (not just sex!) and also to tell my self that whenever a thought comes into my mind that is not good to tell myself to shut up and distract my self by doing something else - ie make a list of things that I can do like mow the lawn, clean the car etc etc. Also a list of questions to ask people - my confidence goes and I don't want to chat when I am feeling like this so its a list of openers if you like. It is strange as when I'm not in a relationship this stuff always comes so easy - I used to do a job which required a great deal of self confidence, dealing with a bunch of very sharp people and staff on a reasonably high level - couldn't do that in this state.....

Keep me updated with what is going on - perhaps this thread will be useful to others who think that they are the only person who goes loony over this sort of thing!!

Its just having to take an enormous leap of trust and faith in someone and effectively be at their mercy feelings-wise - rationally that doesn't seem like a good idea somehow. But hey ho gotta give it a go or I'll be single forever!!!

edsempire

[edsempire]

Ok, so now I'm feeling a little bit fuzzy! Not terrible but a little bit woozy. Not an unpleasant feeling but just a little fluffy round the edges....

Hmmm.

[haz]

I was prescribed pregabalin when I was also on escitalopram and diazepam. I was meant to take 3 x 50mg a day but I could only manage two. They totally spaced me out. I couldn't trust myself to cross the road safely when I was on them. Stopped them in consultation with my psychiatrist after a week. Maybe he started me on too high a dose, also might have been better on their own rather than with the other meds.

Good Luck, I hope they work for you.

Haz.

[sunset30]

Hey Edsempire

Its sounds like you maybe starting to feel a bit of the kick in effects of the meds and anice bonus for you your not so anxious about your girlfriends out tonight.

You do get the slightly fluffy around the edges feeling quite sereal but not completely unpleasant. can be sort of compared to being slightly tiddly with out the hang over.
Its mad you have mentioned bad hang overs because i always get them if i drink hence i dont drink much at all plus the being sit thing is so not a sexy look for a woman. But i smoked a lot of weed for years and wondering if that had taken its tole on the old nervous system?

I'm still plodding on with the Pregablin but still getting the anxious sweaty hands and feet and slight shaky hand the feeling of fuzziness but slightly calmer. But hasn't helped me at all yet with my insomnia hopefully having the does increased will help that.

The feelings i get about my relationship are a mixed bag really.
first one is trust big fat trust lol it seems i always felt he was lying to me about where he was going or talking to thinking he was meeting up with other woman or even when he was with friends the fear he would meet someone while out having fun. Thoughts that maybe i wasn't good enough for him so he would drop me like a hot potatoe once got attention from somene else.
Also the control thing i like to call it respect i guess he thinks its definatly control haha. I don't like people taking advantage of me or disrespecting me, i would hate it if he flirted,talked to or showed any attention to another woman who i deemed attractive. If he says anything about a attractive woman on the tv i find it disrepsectful as i wouldnt do it to him but it does upset me and i see it as hes trying to hurt me. Then i think if he s like this infront of me whats he like when hes out?
My partner has mentioned he feels he can not go out or do anything with out scrutinising what he does this has calmed down a bit now over last 2 months also noticed these meds helped the last 3 weeks.

I must say i have gone through he pc and mobile phone at times hoping that there is nothing on there to try and calm my worries. But saw something that could of been taken the wrong way once that was it i could feel my heart pounding,sicking feeling in the belly and amillions emotions at once. It was aweful.

I don't know weather to trust my own judgement anymore because of control and anxiety i have about him doing something or leaving me.

I must say i have had this with most of my relationships or even people i thought i was getting into something with and get very irrationally obsessive like there my whole world. Which really seems rediculious. When i slpit up from most of my partners i going to a morning type state and can't be with anyone for along time or avoild it like the plague when i get back to try to be a stronger person not in a relationship i don't need to worry about all those fear of loss,anxiety and obssessions. Or being emotionally drained. As feel different when single.
I have been on my own say i dont want to be with someone but in side i do i just try to emotinally try to cut myself of from possibly being distroyed emotionaly every time. Takes me so long to totally get over someone to move on and trust again also fear of rejcet is overwhelming at time in the past.
Because i am in a position at the moment trying to get the GAD in order i am not the most socialable and haven't been for many years ,unless drink and drugs were the key especailly years ago.

How else does your condition effect you?

Do you find it can cause your sex drive to got very high and non exsistent at times?
Hope thats not to personal?

[sunset30]

Hi Haz

I'm just thinking about what you said i think thats a lot of medication to take at once. I'm just wondering if they should of left you on just the Pregablin and escitalpram and took you of the diazapan, as diazapan treats the same thing as the Pregagablin.
BUt i am not a doctors so i would probably discuss it more with them as much as possible.
Just wondering how extreme you condition is and is it GAD, depression and social anxiety?

[JT69]

Hi Haz,

I agree with sunset...am suprised that you took diaz along with pregabalin as yes they are for the same so am not suprised you felt spaced out.

I take pregabalin along with mirtazipine and it has been a wonder drug for me. I am thinking of stopping the mirtazipine and just taking the pregabalin to see how I go with that.

Jo.xx

[JT69]

Hi edsempire,

Do you take the pregabalin on its own or along with an anti-dep med???

Jo.xx

[sunset30]

Hi Jt69
Sounds like you getting positive response, gerat stuff!