waiting for the day..

[killingmeslowly]

howdies,

after being very successful in my career i found myself drowning in anxiety and panic. i lost everything. everything. my job, career, finance, car, house, belongings, friends, partner and son.

this was almost six years ago but there's still nothing you can do to harm me further.

for those interested, my own experience can be found at www.killingmeslowly.com but it isn't happy reading (and, please note, uses bad language and very distressing descriptions.)

i'm still amazed how one can fall from executive to, basically, a carcass - a life as a horror film but forever on pause.

i look forward to meeting you all soon, in the mean-time, i hope nothing harms you today. be good to yourselves.

dai.

[ashley]

Dai--hiya and welcome to no panic.. everyone is really nice and sweet and honest on here..so i hope you find some peace here.

What a terrible experince to have happened to you, your whole life turned upside down, my god you must be so hurt, torn,bitter, and sick to the core.

In no way could i under estimate,your situation, or even begin to feel what you are feeling due to the circumstances...but that does not mean that your life should be over,or that you should give in to a world full of doom, gloom and negitive thinking..
You are still a person, a person who's heart beats every day..you have a life and you can turn this around..you.. even though you have had many knock-backs YOU yourself can do this.

Some awful things have happened to me, bad horror things have happened to me, i can tell you.. and theres many other people that are in the same situation, and far worse....
but ..and theres a but.. do you really want to feel like this forever NO who does and the only way that you can feel better, is by helping yourself..you seem like an upfrount kinda person.. you seem to not mix your words.. so i approach you ,the way you properley would approach me..upfrount.

I do feel for you sweetheart, thats heavy stuff you have had to go through there, but you can change this around... you can and only you can..

Your topic heading states waiting for the day ..what are you waiting for?

You can change this around love, you can ..


ashley xxxx

[killingmeslowly]

hello ashley,

thank's for the reply. everyone seems nice here and i'm amazed i haven't discovered this place previously as i used to be an administrator for www.paxilprogress.org so kept an eye on such sites.

my apologies about not explaining 'waiting for the day' further, i forgot to! it is basically a reference to my site in which i state i'm just waiting for the day that i die. grim, i know, but it's something us sufferers occasionally face.

another aspect of it all is reading the bio's of other members here and feeling ashamed because they've experienced far worse than i. an endless spiral of self-indulgence and pity i face.

not all is lost though. i have two beautiful daughters and an (absent) son, plus another baby on the way anytime now. it's these that make me special and material gains are nothing in comparrison. my children are simply magical. )

[weepinky]

Hi there Dai

I just wanted to say that I am increadibly touched by your story and couldnt begin to understand how that must have been for you. What came to my mind on reading was just how different we all see things - what you say is left is a carcass yet what I see is an amazingly brave, honest and open person (three invaluable traits).

I'm sure you will soon find you have a lot to offer the world and get the same in return. This site has helped me soooo much and I hope you will find the same hun

Take Care


Love Pinky

[ashley]

hiya dai
You see you have 2 beautiful daughters.and one on the way. and yes an absent son maybe ..but a son that wont always be absent..
You say waiting for the day, and i thought as much that at times you feel like dying.. some of us do..i included love.. i guess we wait for the day from the day that we are born..but really that should be gods descion and not ours(tempting though).
Ive had anxiety/panic/depression for 20 odd years now, and a masif history of abused/ and violent relationships..and i have had some nasty nasty things happen to me..even in between that,ive no car, no money, no clothes really, any money i do have i give to my kids.. i never go anywhere because of the way i feel, and even if i wanted to i cant through no money all the time...i live with nothink`..i dont even think i will be able to stay online anymore.. because i cant afford to pay my ntl bill...it all breaks my heart i want to end it too at times..
But you have those children who love you..a new life on the way and you have your son..who wont be gone forever..
I know its hard and im right there with ya..but wait for the day in the right way and not the wrong.

Your love it here though ..and you will get through this crap love ya will..


ashley xx

[nomorepanic]

Dai

Welcome aboard and I will take a look at your site.

Nicola

[Alexandra]

Hi Dai,

Welcome to the forum.

You will find lots of help & support on here.

Take Care

Alex

Many People Will Walk
In & Out Of Your Life
But Only True Friends
Will Leave Footprints
In Your Heart

[skye338]

Hiya....welcome aboard!

I have visited you site and felt of your anguish :-( I have lost alot too because of this illness and I know how it feels.

Your not alone in this struggle x

Accept the things you cannot change and have courage to change the things you can.

[jackie]

i hope we can really help you see that life is worth it no matter what it sometimes throws at you

you are not alone anymore if you have felt so in the past

jackie

[killingmeslowly]

thank you peeps, you've all been so very kind