Feeling so stressed!

[Purple Fish]

Hey,

I haven't been on here in ages but here goes! At the moment I am absolutely hating my job, it's the people, the actual work itself so on so on. I am currently training to be a Team Leader and am waiting on a change of department providing the hours will suit my family life and it's like my whole life depends on it! It will be more money and better work, I should find out by the end of this week but I'm dreading if it doesn't work out. I'm going to feel like taking time off sick or something!

The other stress is how guilty I am about the way I feel towards my brother and my parents. My mum and dad spend a lot of time with my brother and his fiancee's parents, they all get on really well which I know is good but when I do speak to my mum and dad all they go on about is what they've all done together. My brother's getting married next year and I'm dreading what will happen if babies arrive!
I've got two children 15 and 12 and although my parent's spent lot's of time with us when they were younger, now the kids are older they're not so bothered about seeing their grandparents and would rather be out with their mates.

I suppose I'm jealous. My brother lives literally the other side of the garden wall to my parents house and although we're only a 5 minute drive away they are in and out of each others houses. My brother's fiancee isn't exactly a barrel of laughs and is not really on my wave length so it's so difficult. Me and my brother used to be so close but now he's got his own life I suppose.

When I do see my mum and dad it feels really hard to act happy and chatty unless I've had some wine. they've never said anything but they must know. My husband can see my point of view and I do talk to my godmother quite a lot as she understands but we both say that if I was to let out how I feel to my mum she would be devastated and she probably wouldn't realise.

I need to get a grip I think but it's so hard. My husband can see how it effects me and he gets quite angry because I never speak up. I don't want to fall out with them but how do I keep smiling? I won't have any teeth left soon due to all the grinding!

As for work i guess it's fingers crossed but I won't have any sanity if it doesn't work out!

Thanks for reading!

xx

[Ellie-Bear]

Hiya,

Wanted to send you a and say I know exactly how you feel.
I have 2 sisters and my mum and dad seem to spend far more time with them than me. My dad is an alcoholic so I never see him really as I hate for my children to see him in the state that hie is in.
My mum passes the end of my road every single day on her way to work and I think that in the 7 years I have lived at my current address my mum has stopped in twice. My sister lives 10 miles away in the opposite direction to my mums work but mum stops in and sees her a few times each and every week. I have 4 girls ( 2 of them biologically mine and 2 are my hubby's) and my mum hardly sees them, its been like that ever since they were born, my sister who has 2 boys (3 and 6 months) has had mum around lots since the moment they were born, she baby sits quite a bit as well, my mum has never baby sat my kids and has never offered :-( It makes me very jealous too!
It's so hard to deal with I just try not to think about it as I just end up crying about it and feeling cross and frustrated.
Just like your husband, my hubby gets really cross that I never say anything to my mum as he knows how hurt I am by it but I don't want to cause any trouble and push my mum further away from me than she is already, stupid I know because I should just speak up about how I feel!!
Take care of yourself and try not to blame yourself for the way things are (my negative mind always balmes myself!!)
Hope work improves for you. Xxx

[Purple Fish]

Hi,

Thanks for replying, I've just got back from spending some quality time with my mum and told her everything! We both ended up in tears but I feel so much better and it's definately cleared the air. Hopefully things are now on the up. I wish you all the best and maybe you should suggest a coffee with your mum on mutual ground?
It won't be as bad as you imagine it to be.

Tanya
xx