I have been worrying about going back to the north for a friends wedding for a few weeks, I am so paranoid about my appearance, that possibly sounds very shallow. - But I am a curvy size 12, OK in some shops I am a 14 !! - Got myself all worked up after sending not one but three dresses back in two weeks, and them not refunding the money yet has added to the stress.
I am nervous because I don't want to look rubbish in front of others, like let my boyfriend down. He would never say anything other than nice things even if I had not brushed my hair or teeth for three days, but I just feel a bit of terror setting in. I think it is because we live away from them all now and someones appearance is really noticable when you haven't seen them for ages, you can see changes that those that you see everyday can't. If that makes sense?
I don't know whether it was because I was bullied a bit at primary school because I was a skinny little thing, I would have blown away in the wind, (I wish that was still the case) and I just dont have that confidence in my looks at all. I know looks aren't everything and I am trying not to sound shallow, but it's something that affects me.
When I went to uni I piled loads of weight on, and I went to Slimming World with my Nan and got down to 9 stone 7llb and it was brilliant, and I felt great, but everyone around me said don't lose too much, and now I am back up to 11 stone. - I am going swimming all the time though - it's my work place there's far too much cake around for my liking.
It's just the thought of being at the wedding has been giving me sensations in my chest for the past few days.
I even started smoking again after over a week... I feel quite ashamed of myself for smoking, as I desperately want to stop.
There thats my worry at the moment
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