Sexual intrusive thoughts

[Beckybooboo]

Hi Tiger,

I wanted to firstly start by saying well done to each and every person on this thread who has been experiencing the same, or similar intrusive thoughts because I know how scary they can be first hand as I've been having them since January of this year.

At first, I didn't even know what was happening to me. I had confessed to my boyfriend that I had flirted with another guy and sent pictures of myself to him, which I had done. My boyfriend wasn't happy with me at all and asked me if I'd cheated on him, I answered no because I hadn't. I thought that would be enough, it then began with "what if I cheated on him and can't remember?" So I pursued to text the guy and asked if anything had happened between us, he said no, which I felt okay about but still didn't feel 100% certain on it. It escalated to me texting him, calling him, messaging him online to get more and more reassurance of the same damn thing that nothing had ever happened and he began to get very angry with me and advised that if I didn't stop contacting him, he would get the police involved because of how I am.

Then, one morning when I was changing my boyfriends niece I had a HORRIBLE intrusive thought of me touching her inappropriately. This absolutely horrified me and because my anxiety was heightened and my boyfriend asked if it had happened, this drove me insane to the point where I literally convinced myself "it must have happened, but I must have forgotten" although even now, I remember the smells, what I was wearing, what she was wearing the lot and it drove me round the bend! I spent days, weeks and near on 2 months analyzing this and driving myself mad because I honestly thought I must had forgotten - I was even going to take a lie detector test to prove to myself that it didn't happen which would have cost me £500 but I was so prepared to do it!

Even now, every day I wake up with that horrible "what if?" in my head and the whole "you did it but you forgot Becky" when I know that the the thoughts I have are COMPLETELY insane and irrational. Anxiety likes to pick up on your worst nightmare and put them into reality by making you FEEL you are actually that person when you know you are not. It picks on you, it picks on everything you hate and makes you dwell on it thinking that you ARE that person...

Well, let me tell you. YOU ARE NOT. The anxiety that you're experiencing, accompanied by the thought are making you think that you are. Put it this way, remember a time before all of this happened and what you were like, as stated before, you were happy go lucky and you were looking forward to the future and just a generally happy guy - then the anxiety kicked in and made you believe that you're a monster and that you enjoy being this way and that this is how you are.

Anxiety, is a big scary mind monster that likes to take over that part of your brain to make you believe that you're something that you're not. It's imagination, a part of human life and a BIG dollop of anxiety (the ULTIMATE doubting disease) all mixed in together.

You will be okay. I have a blog that may help you with your thoughts and will teach you new ways to challenge them. www.beckybowerenspiller.wordpress.com

If you need anymore advice then give me a shout and I'll be happy to help.

Take care,
Becky x

[Tiger9]

Hey Everybody

Just to give you an update i think this is a good thing, the thoughts i get are still there but i dont react to them and they go quickly i just find them more of an annoyance more than a condition now, can anyone else tell me if it has being like this for them because deep down i am concerned i have just gave in to it.

Yours Kindly

[wanttoheal10]

Hi all, I am new to this site and I have been suffering with sexual intrusive thoughts. I am suffering with anxiety and depression due to this. I have been put on Citalopram for this. The only problem is it has made me gain weight. My question is, and that I am worried about is, will I ever heal? I can't afford therapy and I don't want to take medications.... I want to do this on my own! Anyone have any tips or advice? Please let me know of something. Thanks!

[wanttoheal10]

Please, I really need to talk to someone...

[theharvestmouse]

I have them regularly, I don't know if this is normal for a bloke but nearly every woman I see I imagine them having sex and performing sex acts. It makes me feel ashamed that I have these thoughts, I feel like a pervert.

[wanttoheal10]

I guess I just want to know that there is nothing wrong with me... ya know? I want to be the way I was before this all started...

[Worried_Male]

The ****....

[fizzle90]

You know they are not real because real child abusers enjoy the thoughts and don't get panicky about them.

You have no idea how much this sentence has helped me. I too have been suffering with extremely disturbing thoughts of child abuse and since reading this sentence it's like a lightbulb has switched on on top of my head. I do not enjoy these thoughts and they make me feel sick.

[arsenalfun]

Dude those thoughts go away, for sure

[Haruka]

Hey, I promise you that you are not alone.

I have the same exact thoughts, and they disgust me as well. But not only are my intrusive thoughts about children, but they are about family members, my friend's parent's, etc. And it just really disturbs me.

Recently, was hanging out with a friend and she had her little sister (who is like 2) at her house. I kept on having these intrusive thoughts, and at one point I even started crying because they wouldn't go away, and when my friend asked what was wrong, I lied and just told her I was emotional that day. It was really awful, and it had me feeling like this disgusting human being.

But I have found, that I go through episodes of these thoughts. They aren't always there, but then I go through a moment where it seems like the only thing that comes to mind are horrible intrusive thoughts. That's actually why I came to the OCD board tonight, it was to find others who are going through this too.

Anyways, what I have found helps with getting through the times of intrusive thoughts, is forcing myself to think about it. As awful as it is, I force myself to let the thoughts run their course and just tell myself that its normal, and normal people without anxiety would just brush off these thoughts and not dwell. I sometimes also do something to hurt myself when I think these thoughts, such as the rubberband around the wrist trick, that people often use to get rid of bad habits. Everytime an intrusive thought enters my head, and I start to dwell on it, I snap the band. that has helped too.