It's really comforting to read people's posts on here knowing that I'm not the only person going through hard times emotionally.
I'm very confused on what exactly happens to me but the first recollection of severe depression was after a long term relationship ended. I got huge anxiety followed by severe depression which lasted 3 months. The anxiety stemmed from worrying over the breakup to worrying over my body which could be BDD I couldnt look in the mirror to wash and kept ruminating about a line on my face. I took 50 my of citalopram and after eight weeks started to feel better but 3 months of insomnia was terrible. I ended up with puffy eyes which bugged me and I started on with my life again. Stupidly with no cbt which was refused I took myself off the pills and jumped into a new relationship 3 months later. I had terrible ups and downs especially with a very bad relationship which was so bad for me. I had bouts of anxiety and depression but I didn't realise the depression. Anyway the relationship ended 8 weeks ago and I had bad anxiety then I got the occasional panic attack which worsened I took citalopram for 5 days but couldnt stick it came off and had more panic attacks. Then my bdd played up and I'm terrified of my eyes being puffy and staying like that I'm just going round in cirlces. I phoned the doc for different ssri's as although I'm having cbt trying to change is hard when u can't really function even as u once were. I've got something to take today but I don't really want to but know this might be the only answer. Is there anyone who suffers from bdd like me as I've never been able to share my experience and find out why I seem to ruin my life but ruminating about small defects or eyes etc. It's the most ludicrous debilitating thing to ruin ur life by being worried about what u look like so much that u perceive ugliness that's not there or marks that are minor.
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