concerns about counselling

[Anna C]

Hi,

I had my first counselling session today, I had been referred after having CBT. I know its early days but I'm not sure it will help. She was really gentle and I felt comfortable with her but it felt like she was scared of saying too much in case she upset me or like she was treading softly.

I didn't really know what to say and she said I only get 6-8 so I'm not sure I will feel okay after so few sessions.

When I told her my mum had died when I was young, she said she could feel tears pricking the back of her eyes and that had touched her or upset her, not sure exactly how she worded it. I felt that was quite strange for her to say that at my first session, I know she may have been showing empathy or trying to make me open up more by saying something along the lines of 'what you just told me upset me how does it make you feel?' She seemed to focus on my mums death quite abit, but I don't really think I have any issues with it. I told her it didn't upset me at the time as I was too young, but missed her at different times like when I was a teenager, I mean I will always miss growing up without my mum but it isn't that causing my problems

Maybe it was just that I didn't give her that much to go on and she was clutching at the little information I did tell her. I did tell her that my mind had gone blank when I walked in the room.

I think I have been used to cbt were the therapist would tell me what we would talk about that day, but now its up to me what we talk about and what we don't talk about.
I think I just want someone to fix my life, to heal me, to make me not need approval, to give me self confidence and self esteem and to help me to accept me as I am. I feel as if I will be let down and then expected to just get on with the mess my life is on my own. I know I'm expecting a lot from her, but I left feeling downhearted.

Does anyone who has had counselling have any success stories or encouragment?

Thanks
Anna

[kibbutz83]

Hi Anna, I think counselling can be quite gentle, and probably not particularly life-changing. It's more supportive than challenging really. If you want something that is going to maybe be more of a wake-up call for your sub-conscious, then I think maybe group psychotherapy could be the way to go. It can be very painful, and a real challenge for your buried feelings, but I found it a pretty positive experience. It made me realize that I was the only one who could help me, but gave me the tools to do it... good luck x

[pammy1944]

my view is that she sounds like a counsellor and not a CBT therapist .......I found CBT excellent and it cured me of 12 years of hell ....I changed my therapist after the first 2 sessions as i felt like you do now . CBT is about altering your way of thinking concerning your present problems .......good luck with it

[debs71]

Hi Anna.

I can relate to what you say. I was the same after my first counselling session, and it does take a lttle time to warm into the whole process. The thing about counsellors - at least from what mine told me - was that primarily they want you to open up to them, and then they offer an ear, and opinions, but never tell you what you should do, or not do, it is just that they are there to help you unravel your emotions,feelings or problems, whatever the case may be. They help you understand your feelings and guide you towards answers to things.

This is why so much is really up to the counselled person in terms of opening up and letting things out, as it were, as they really can't offer too much unless they have something to work with. That's why she seemed to be treading softly I think, as they try not to steam right in and sort things out, they wait for you to open up first.

It is tricky at first. When I went I found it hard when my counsellor would say 'so how are things?' and that was my cue to kind of start the session off, and if you are not used to talking about your feelings, thoughts, fears, etc. it is quite an alien experience, but you honestly do get used to it.

I think you are right that she continued focusing on your Mum because you brought it up and perhaps felt she should pursue that with you.

My first session consisted of me saying not much and bursting into tears, but in the next session things got better, and the next and the next until I really built a relationship with my counsellor.

Don' t give up hun. It will get easier.xxx

[Anna C]

Hi,

Thanks very much for your help and good advice, I am going back next Tuesday so hopefully it will get easier and I will learn something from it.

Thanks again

Anna