**My Panic Attack / Agoraphobia Diary**

[kirsty74]

That's horrible when the IBS makes you feel like you're going to pass out. I've only had that a few times (and not for a while now), but it's really scary. Hope you feel better now.
I am supposed to be doing a short bus (3 stops) journey to the shops a few times a week as part of my CBT but haven't managed it. I did it a couple of times 3 weeks ago and felt horrible and haven't plucked up the courage since. Really wish I could ignore the feelings.
I know what you mean about being scared you'll panic with your son. I'm the same. William is over 3 now and I still take him in the buggy because it gives me something to hold on to when I feel wobbly. It's not fair on him, and I feel guilty. Bloody hard, isn't it?

[shoegal]

I just wanted to say hello. I also suffer from agoraphobia and am currently finding it difficult to leave the house. I am managing short walks with my dog after 2 months of being housebound but I can't go shopping on my own at all yet. I have an agoraphobic diary on this website also. I wish you well on your path to recovery.

[MardyBum]

Its a horrible feeling isnt it.. passing out is my panic thing as well as in thats what im scared of :(

When I had my CBT last time she was wanting me to get on a bus.. I couldnt do it and still cant get on a bus but then ive never really needed to if you know what I mean? so it was never an issue for me, I could get on with my life without a bus...

I feel really bad for my son, I mean we have fun etc but I feel like im letting him down and have other people telling me he should be the thing that makes me better but its not going to happen over night althou I wish it would... I used to just let him walk to the shop and he loved it.. I now take the pushchair with me so if I need to run back home I can easy and also feel if im going to pass out at least I know hes in his pushchair and cant go anywhere x

That's horrible when the IBS makes you feel like you're going to pass out. I've only had that a few times (and not for a while now), but it's really scary. Hope you feel better now.
I am supposed to be doing a short bus (3 stops) journey to the shops a few times a week as part of my CBT but haven't managed it. I did it a couple of times 3 weeks ago and felt horrible and haven't plucked up the courage since. Really wish I could ignore the feelings.
I know what you mean about being scared you'll panic with your son. I'm the same. William is over 3 now and I still take him in the buggy because it gives me something to hold on to when I feel wobbly. It's not fair on him, and I feel guilty. Bloody hard, isn't it?

[MardyBum]

Well done on the dog walking.. I cant walk to the main shopping street on my own or with others have to get a lift but can manage local corner shop on my own.. I shall look up your diary its nice to know we arent alone isnt it! hugs for us all x

I just wanted to say hello. I also suffer from agoraphobia and am currently finding it difficult to leave the house. I am managing short walks with my dog after 2 months of being housebound but I can't go shopping on my own at all yet. I have an agoraphobic diary on this website also. I wish you well on your path to recovery.

[MardyBum]

13th July 20011 (wow when did it turn july?)

Had a crappy 12 hours. Was shattered last night and couldnt fight the panic.. went to bed and felt tight chested and like I couldnt get a good lung full. My IBS is still pretty bad so im kinda putting down to feeling like that due to the acid relux and trapped wind side of IBS. When im like that I normally feel better after a good sleep but woke up feeling much the same this morning.

My sons going out with his aunty today for afew hours so I will get a wee break.

What I seem to be struggling with at the moment is being left alone with him... for some reason is freaks me out? I think it might be cause im scared of being poorly while with him?

[Col]

You know what MBUM, I am new to no mor panic and I have read a few posts and thought gosh that sounds like me BUT honestly I can not believe the way you've written the chain of events that happens to you right at the beginning of your post IS EXACTLY What I get!!!!!

Hot, dizzy, off balance , tingling almost lifeless limbs almost like I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm still alive, and an overwhelming sensation of collapse.

Aggravated by too much noise and excitement around me and everything too much some days. Like one lady above says even a trip to local shop is like going to outer space!

Anxiety and panic is unbelievable, I knew about panic attacks before, BUT my goodness it's unreal how they affect people. My experience if u want a read is on a comment I posted on " fear of fainting".

P.s i had a boy in 2009 also, very active and I feel guilty because when weathers nice all I want to do is take him hear there and everywhere BUT, when I'm out sometimes and I have those sensations I just give in and come home, is awful. My 9 year old daughter suffers also, she's used to me getting her up at weekends and doing stuff I was soooooooo active before the start of this year, it's so distressing, I feel like I've lost my life, I get bored, then sit stressing about doing school run, it's a nightmare.

[MardyBum]

Im happy that im not alone in feeling like this BUT sorry your feeling it too hun. what is your fear? mine is the actual passing out. Its soo hard isnt it but what we have to see is...WE ALL FEEL THE SAME... so proves its panic! hard to believe at times (like the night I had last night!) I will check out your post darling... its hard being a Mammy and like this isnt it.. Im scared it will effect Leighton BUT this isnt enough to "snap" me out of it, as I often get told to do :( if only it was that easy

You know what MBUM, I am new to no mor panic and I have read a few posts and thought gosh that sounds like me BUT honestly I can not believe the way you've written the chain of events that happens to you right at the beginning of your post IS EXACTLY What I get!!!!!

Hot, dizzy, off balance , tingling almost lifeless limbs almost like I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm still alive, and an overwhelming sensation of collapse.

Aggravated by too much noise and excitement around me and everything too much some days. Like one lady above says even a trip to local shop is like going to outer space!

Anxiety and panic is unbelievable, I knew about panic attacks before, BUT my goodness it's unreal how they affect people. My experience if u want a read is on a comment I posted on " fear of fainting".

P.s i had a boy in 2009 also, very active and I feel guilty because when weathers nice all I want to do is take him hear there and everywhere BUT, when I'm out sometimes and I have those sensations I just give in and come home, is awful. My 9 year old daughter suffers also, she's used to me getting her up at weekends and doing stuff I was soooooooo active before the start of this year, it's so distressing, I feel like I've lost my life, I get bored, then sit stressing about doing school run, it's a nightmare.

[MardyBum]

27/07/2011

OMG what a night. Son went to bed early so made tea and was looking forward to spending some time with my other half just me and him, the sofa and telly. Ate tea and within half an hour i felt like i couldnt get my breath, tight chest, hot and cold sweats, shaking. Felt sick and had the runs.. when I was standing was going dizzy. I came and posted on here and was told it was typical panic symtoms.. now I dont normally get them THAT bad and from what i can see for no reason. Ended up going to bed (with the bucket!) and going to sleep with no problems.

Got up this morning and still feeling pretty pants. Ended up on chat and Mandy chatting to me to calm down as I was in tears and scared of being here just me and my son.. such a horrible feeling and I feel like a terrible mother :( feeling slightly better now then I did but still feel on edge like im waiting for another one coming?

[Col]

Hi MBUM

The more I read stuff on this website just shocks the hell out of me?! Sooo frightening reading your post especially the last one! Gosh anxiety is soo flipping weird. I don't know what to say really, other than I hope your feeling a lot better! But these episodes seem to be so out of the blue, having a normal life seems impossible. I'm going through the breathing problem thing at the moment and I woke up tis morning although I felt ok and I just thought , what's the point! It's like every day something else is wrong with me and I try and carry on and just think what's the point.
It's the summer hols & ive got a 2 and a 9 year old and I'm doing as much as I can to keep them occupied and I feel like a bad mum too BUT where not! If we were that bad we wouldn't worry so much So were not bad mums at all!!

Glad in a way no school run!! Since I started with anxiety in feb it's been a nightmare, driving my daughter to and from school, it's only 4 minutes in the car if there's no traffic, but when I've been bad and on edge, going to and fro from school has been horrendous!

Take it easy, as I am today. I'm just fed up can't bluming believe what anxiety can do.
I think that once the switch for anxiety has been switched on, it's so hard to turn it off.even if we think were coping and are ok, are we really?

Take care Col X

[MardyBum]

Hey Col..

I think what upsets me so much this time as last time I was poorly like this it was only ever when I left the house where this time I was just sitting, nothing on my mind that I was thinking about.. and it hit me like a train! I never had the breathing thing till the other night mine was always feeling hot and like I was going to pass out... tbh that im used to and could deal with as I had a "safe" place when I came home... its the it hitting me from nowhere that I cant stand!

Its hard to not feel like a bad mam when my inlaws and rents take my son to all the places and things that I want to and should be taking him too it breaks my heart.

Are you taking any meds? im back to taking my propan everyday and it really helps! althou im finding come tea time its running out so have called my dr today to ask if I can take more then one a day and have to call back later!

We all need to stick together during this scary time.. the little bit of hope I am clinging onto is that I have won this fight before and I will win it again!!

Hugs darling xx