well i guess im shouting for some help here. i stopped taking the citalopram about 7 weeks ago. Gp was not impressed but i didnt like the way that they made me feel. it was almost as if i were floating around in a bubble.
been waiting for an appointment to come thorugh for some councilling and cbt. the doc reckons i have PTSD. i have an appointment booked now after waiting for 12 weeks, the only trouble is its not for another 4 weeks.
had a review this morning with the doctor. i was totally honest with her. feeling all time low. no motivation. crying all the time. being a single mum and working full time is taking its toll. but im trying to hold myself together for the sake of my 6 year old son. but i have to admit im crumbling. My GP is so lovely. she is the first doc to listen to me and ive been to and from docs with low moods since i was about 12...im now 28. she tried to sign me off work but i declined. was that the right thing to do? she suggested new type of medication . sertraline 50mg daily. but im worried. i had horrible side effects when i took citaolpram and i know it gets worse before it gets better. will taking these tablets tip me over the edge? i dont feel strong enough to go through anything else.
i actually want to hurt my son the other day. i would like to add at this point that i didnt actually do anything. but my god i wanted to. i love him so much but i had this feeling in me that if i lay just one finger on him that i wouldnt be able to stop. im a bad bad person.
i have suicdal thoughts. the other week i wrote letters, rounded up pills. bottle of vodka. my neighbour interuppted me. thank god she did. would i have done it. i frightened myself. but i keep thinking that i cant do this anymore. i cant take the pain, the fear, the anxiety, the nightmares.
the only way i can describe how i feel at the moment is its like sitting alone in a crowded room!!
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