Hello Steph

Reading your post sounded so familiar to me because this was exactly how my agoraphobia began to develop ten years ago. My first agoraphobic panic attack came completely out of the blue while I was sitting in a restaurant with my partner, just about to be served a big meal. Like you, my greatest fear was fainting in front of everyone and causing a huge scene. I made it outside but wasn’t able to return. We had to pay for the expensive meal we had never even tasted and I felt so awful about it.

The mistake I made, back in 2001, was to completely avoid ever going into a restaurant again, because that was the scene of my attack. I have never been in one since. Not long after this, I had an identical panic attack in the vet’s consulting room while our dogs were being seen. That was the last time I ever accompanied my partner to go there either.

Every time I had a panic attack in public I avoided going to that place ever again. Gradually my world got smaller and smaller as I kept limiting the types of places I would go.

Ten years later I have almost forgotten what a shop looks like or a street. I will go for a walk up the lane at the crack of dawn with my partner when no one is about and at the moment I am taking little early morning trips to the local wood with my partner and dogs, trying to expand my horizons. I go to the doctor and dentist under extreme duress when I really have to (always accompanied), which of course it is a huge ordeal for me because I am so unused to being out and about.

I am telling you this as a cautionary tale. This is what happens if you practice avoidance. Your world shrinks to almost nothing- and that shrunken world is a very tedious place to be. As far as I know, the best treatment for agoraphobia is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I had this once six years ago and it got me as far as Tescos, which was a miracle. Unfortunately, for some reason, I went backwards after the sessions stopped and private psychotherapy and hypnotherapy never got me to the same level of improvement. The people I know who are beating their agoraphobia say that small steps back into the world are the way to go, gradually increasing exposure all the time. I know this takes a lot of courage and effort but you are at an advantage that you are tackling this early. With CBT you can nip it in the bud. A book that may help you is Self Help for Your Nerves by Doctor Claire Weekes.

Good luck, and let us know how you get on.