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Thread: Having a relapse :-(

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    590

    Having a relapse :-(

    Hi

    I haven't felt the need to come on here for months as Ive been doing really well but now im bad again.

    My big thing has always been breast cancer, some of you may remember me on here as I am ALWAYS going on about it, so I apologise in advance for this post.

    Well im on fluxoetine and have been since dec last year. I see my dr every 4 weeks for a review and I nomally get her to do a breast check for me - they have all been fine, she says my left breast is lumpier than the right but it all feels ok. Anyway I havent seen her for about 3 months becasue my son has been having health problems so have been v busy with him. So Ive booked an appt to see her tomorrow for my long overdue review and to get her to do a breast check , but I am TERRIFIED that this time she will find something. I had a feel myself the other day and I already regret it as I felt so many different lumps and bumps that I have managed to convince myself that something is wrong this time. I AM SO CROSS WITH MYSELF!!!!!!

    Please can someone reassure me, am I the only one that does this?

    Thank you.xxxxxxxxxxx
    Last edited by Mogwog; 11-07-11 at 11:03. Reason: spelling

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    100

    Re: Having a relapse :-(

    No you are not the only one. BC is my current fear. I have a long term inverted nipple but for the past 9-10 months i have fixated on it. Sometimes i do good but then i have to check ( like this morning) and now i am in a tail spin again. The only time i dont fixate on it is when i have another problem like a lump under my arm ( which in my head was linked to BC) or when i worry over my childrens health.

    I really and truly feel that i am fated to be ill and i look around and cannot believe that everyone else can just live their life free from fear.

    We must both stop checking.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    590

    Re: Having a relapse :-(

    Hi Rosi

    Thanks for your reply.

    I am annoying myself because I am going over different scenarios in my head about what will happen when I go to the drs.
    I'm think ing on the one hand she may say yes its lumpy but ok like she did last time, or she could say that she feels a definate lump and wants to wait and see (cant cope with that) or she feels a lump and wants to refer me (also cant cope if that happens!)

    Ahhhhhhhhhh I'm driving myself insane. Doesnt help that because my son has been so poorly I have been forgetting to take my anti d's properly.

    God, what a state to get in.

    I'm sure your nipple is fine, there are loads of reasons for an inverted nipple - I bet you've googled havent you?!! Have you been seen by a Dr?

    Again thank you for replying I really really appreciate it.

    Laura.xxxxx

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    100

    Re: Having a relapse :-(

    I've had the inverted nipple for near;y 12 years. Got it checked out at the time and it was linked to breastfeeding,never worried about it until last year when I decided it was hurting and then I decided that it had discharge which cued lots of poking and prodding and seeing things that I had never seen before. Saw a doctor late last year and she gave me cream and after 10 days declared it a healthy nipple.......but you know how our minds work....second guessing, googlng, putting patterns together, seeing every reference to BC as meaning we have it, constant checking. I'm probably the only woman to have IBC. Pagets and 'normal' BC at the same time.

    I am positive you will be fine. I have a disabled son (autism) and I swear this is a huge part of my HA, although I have always had it to some degree (name me a disease I haven't had).

    Hugs to you, I *know* you're ok.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    590

    Re: Having a relapse :-(

    Thanks Rosi

    My son is disabled too, hes deaf and has cerebral palsy and epilepsy and this is what started my anxeity - just wish I could think logically.

    As an outsider looking in on your situation I know that your nipple is fine, but I know what its like to be so consumed by the fear of "what if" that you can't think rationally about it. Wish I could listen to some of my own advice!

    xxxxxxxxxx

  6. #6

    Re: Having a relapse :-(

    Hey there Mogwog, our similarities keep piling up. I have a big fear of breast cancer also. It started when I was breastfeeding and one breast always felt more dense than the other. I had my doctor check it out, and she said it felt fine, but shortly thereafter, I found a very small hard spot in the same breast. I can feel similar spots in both breasts, but the one is more distinct. I hadn't felt of them for awhile (in fact I consciously try to avoid touching my breasts (and collarbones) because I'm terrified of finding something). Anyway, today I felt a little ache through my breast and made the mistake of feeling, and the little hard spot is still there....it seems unchanged but still there. Of course, I can't help but think it's all related to my lymph nodes and I'm dying. I keep reminding myself, though, (and I'll remind you too) that statistically, it would be incredibly rare to develop breast cancer at our age. I try to reassure myself with my age a lot....I'm sure I'll really be nuts as I get older. Yo are definitely not alone here.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    590

    Re: Having a relapse :-(

    Hi Rachel

    Thanks for your reply - we really are very similar!

    I just always walk around thinking I am a ticking time bomb and I hate it. I can't feel one particular lump I am worrried about I keepfinding different ones which hopefully is a good thing as it just means my boob is really lumpy - all the lumps kind of feel the same.

    In regards to your lump in your breast I have a very small lump like that too and apparently it is just grizzly fat, it never changes size and is quite small and funnily enough I don't worry about that one - weird! Hope this makes you feel better.

    My problem breast (left one) also always is painful, either aching or throbbing and then gets really painful around period. My Dr said this was all hormonal last time I went.

    Its nice to know i'm not alone though

    Thank you.xxxxxxxxx

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