full body scan?

[LucyLiz]

I am starting this post really to get an indication of what everyone thinks. Basically i'm a 26 year old female, I've just passed my degree, had my second child 14 weeks ago & on the verge of starting my teacher training course which i have been working up to for a long time. I've had HA really since a very young age (thought i had breast cancer when I was 10!) 5 years ago I had a terrible episode where I thought I had a brain tumour. I put my parents through hell, almost lost my job, my partner, lost my ability to function and in the end was so convinced of my imminent death that I was sofa bound. The only way I got over this episode was to have an MRI of my brain. That was the only way I could be convinced that I was indeed healthy. My parents happily paid for the MRI because they were incredibly worried about me. Although many said having the MRI would just be hiding away from the anxiety, it actually allowed me to have my life back. For 5 years i've had the odd worry but nothing even close to the extent of that. However since having my last child I have been slowly getting back to where I was before. On the brink of despair. This time however, it's not so simple. My symptoms are so non-specific that I just have this bad feeling that i'm dying, that something has spread through me and is slowly defeating me. Its heart, it's irregular heavy periods, aches and pains, fatigue... it's not just one thing which makes me worry constantly. I've got to the point now where I have little control again, I have daily panic attacks and it's stopping me looking forward to anything. Most importantly it's affecting my ability to mother my two daughters. Yesterday was so bad that I started cutting my arms, just for some distraction. I'm so scared that everything i've achieved in life will be lost if I don't get a good hold of this horrible thing soon. I came to the conclusion last night that maybe my only hope is to have a full body scan, and I mean the full works, blood vessels, bones, every organ, you name it. This is obviously very expensive but i feel right now it may be my only hope? Im having therapy but I think my fears have gone to far now. I have convinced myself that im very unwell. Sorry for the long post but Im just hoping someone has been in this position too? L

[macc noodle]

And would that really put all this anxiety to bed?

I doubt it having been in a similar position - the only way is to tackle the anxiety and deal with that - far better spending your money on some therapy in my opinion.

You will have the scan and it will satisfy you for a while but then the doubts will creep back and to be honest they are only accurate on the day - what happens the next day is anyone's guess.

Try and see your GP and discuss how you feel and see if they can recommend a CBT who can help you move forward without having to have medical check ups when there really is no need.

[LucyLiz]

thanks for the reply I appreciate that going for the scan will not treat the root cause of the anxiety. However, just the thought of having a year or so without this worry makes me feel it would be worth it. In reality I know it's probably the 'easy' option but I feel desperate. :(

[Mogwog]

Hi Love

I really don't know what to say to make you feel better as I have been in your position many a time and I know its absolutely soul destroying.

Are you on any medication - Antidepressants or anything? I am not saying these will make everything better but they do take the edge off of my health anxiety and I am able to look at things more rationally. But you do need to address the root of the problem. Whast kind of therapy are you having?

L.x

[katiep]

Its not the easy option at all, but i agree that it wont be the salvation you seek, simply because when the scan finds out that your perfectly healthy, the anxiety will rear its ugly head again and again and you say that if you get a year of worry free thoughts it will be worth it, your could get a year, five years or ten minutes because unless you rid yourself of anxiety it will always be there, im sorry to sound as negative but only overcoming anxiety wil give you the peace of mind you and many many like us so desperately want.
i hope you feel better soon
take care
xx

[LucyLiz]

Thanks all... I'm not on meds, however I do have diazapam for the bad days. My therapy consists of a lot of talking and trying to indentify the route cause, not sure if it's CBT though. Its once a week & I always feel positive leaving but within a day or so the anxiety is winning again. I must say though, I was 100% for the full body this morning and now just by having a short discussion I feel like it might not be the best option! I guess I needed someone to try and convince me otherwise! x

[Mogwog]

Sometimes all you need is someone to talk to - a problem shared is a problem halved.

Do your family know how you are feeling again? Are they supportive?

xx

[LucyLiz]

My mum used to be very supportive but I lost her 3 years ago. Unfortunately both my dad and husband find it very hard to understand. Plus I don't want to worry my dad after all he's been through. I've actually stopped discussing it with my husband now because I end up feeling so stupid. He believes that I can control my symptoms if I just "try harder". Unfortunately it's just not that simple. I have some good friends who I can talk to but it's easy to feel a burden when they have their own lives going on too! It's such a horrible, horrible thing. xx

[MVP123]

First of all let me tell you that I know exactly how you feel. 3 years ago I too was convinced I had a brain tumour as I had constant headaches which lasted for more than 3 months but eventually the medication I was helped me with my anxiety and the head tension eventually left, I don't really remember when it was just gradually. Anyway I too have had a relapse and am now worried that I have some kind of gyne cancer as I have frequent urination and pressure in my bladder. My GP has told me that I need to remember from when I thought I had a brain tumour and the kind of things I did then to recover, even though I don't think I did anything in particular, just took meds and it eventually went away, which is what I'm praying for at the moment. I have had blood tests so I know my general health is ok at the moment, and when I mentioned to my doc my worry about ovarian cancer she did offer to send me for the C125 test but said that it would just continue the anxiety cycle. So I didn't go for the test, cause she said she saw no cause for her to think I would have OC. And I am now pretty sure that when another symptom comes up mu current ailment will go away. I really don't know what the answer to all this anxiety crap is. As the previous post said a full body scan could give you the all clear now, but what about next week? Its the anxiety that has to be dealt with, are you on any meds at the moment? I totally understand the fear, when I am at my worst I cannot function and just imagine the worst case scenario. At the end of the day, as my hubby put it the other day, none of us knows what's gonna happen, we could get knocked over by a car tomorrow, a meteor could hit the earth, we gotta try and live for now, cause none of us knows how long we got, I know that sounds morbid but I don't know else to think about this stuff. Of course if you have consistent symptoms that say last for at least a month or more you should always get it checked out cause if there was any disease then the earlier its caught the better. I wish I could help you more and myself too, maybe we just gotta live each day at a time, and devote as much of that time as poss to the people we love. So go ahead with the full body scan if you feel that it will give you peace of mind for now, but should consider some kind of therapy (meds etc) for the future. Also if you can find somewhere where you can get a cheap body scan please let me know xxx

[LucyLiz]

MVP - First of all you are so so brave. When I was convinced I had a tumour, I gave in and had the MRI. You obviously fought it and won, what an achievement that is... and you still are showing how brave you are, not electing to have that test?! amazing I can never imagine doing that. I take them all! My husband has exactly the same attitude... to be honest, he's too much the other way though.. at least our kids should turn out normal! With regards to full body scans, I don't think there is a cheap option! Think for everything you're easily talking over 1k.. ouch. I'd be tempted to pay it though, even if it means taking out a secret credit card! I'm not on meds, did you find them useful? I have diazapam but just for the very bad days. x