Agoraphobia - Constant Battle :-(

[xxhunnibxx]

Hi,
I am a longstanding sufferer of anxiety, depression and panic attacks which have all resulted in me being an agoraphobic for almost 20 years. I have had good times as well as bad and tried pretty much everything out there to try and combat this problem. I've had varying degree's of success but what i struggle with is the fact it is a daily constant battle. I've forgotten what its like to wake up and think about something positive, good or happy. My entire life, literally my every waking hour is ruled by worrying thoughts, stress, symptoms of anxiety and panic. Of course the vicious circle of this has led to me having a very limited existance, very few friends and a pretty miserable life to be honest. I do try to remind myself frequently of the positive things in my life and force myself to keep going, doing things to occupy my time and not get dragged down by it. However after so many years its hard to believe there is light at the end of the tunnel and to even hope that things will ever improve or get easier. I would so love to regain some self confidence and live a little. A shopping trip with friends, a cinema date, an evening meal out followed by drinks and the obvious big one.... a holiday. Sorry to go on but no one around me seems to realise what my life consists off or how it makes me feel.

xx

[loveletter]

Hi I have had this the same as you for 24 years now.
Every waking hour for me as well is filled with anxiety and a longing to feel normal how I did before all this.
I have very few friends and as I can not leave the house on my own am at home day in day out night after night.
My 3 sons all still live at home so not alone but it is not the same as having friends.
My husband died in 07 age 40 and I do fear because of the way I am will never be able to meet any one and will be on my own forever.
I feel so lonely and that life is passing me by and here I still sit.
Dizziness is my main problem that stops me going out although I get scared of it even in my own home.
You are not alone at suffering for so many years

[Towers]

Hi,

Sorry I can't really offer any advice but just wanted to say I know how you feel.

I have had agoraphobia for a long time - there are things I can do like go to work - thank god! ( but that is just about all I can do ) and things I can't do/or dread like going out in the back garden - how weird is that!

Every day you get up and do what you have to do - but it never really gets any easier or any more enjoyable.

Like you say I wish I could go back to how it was years ago - when you could just go out and do anything without fear.

[honeybee3939]

Hi

I realy do feel for you, i suffered with agorophobia for many years but have finally managed to overcome my fear ( i still have the odd thing i need to conquer but nothing like i used to be,) you just have to keep trying to conquer things little by little till it becomes second nature. I remember been house bound and it took me months to get to the top of the street but i kept doing it every day a little bit furthur. It did take time there where times when i felt like giving in but i had to do it i just couldnt stand been trapped in my home any longer. Another thing that helped me was to tell my self nothing bad will happen while im out doors, whats the difference between been at home or outside, nothing ! so i can do this.
I once remember a therapist saying to me if i take you in my car and drop you off in the middle of know where would you stay there and die of starvation or would you find a way back and try to get help and walk there? What im trying to say when we need to do things in a emergency we can do it, so whats the difference, emergency or not?
Please keep trying and you will get there i promise
xxxxxxx

[FRANKIEISBACK]

my heart and big hugs goes out to you xx

[xxhunnibxx]

Thank you everyone for your replies, stories and support. I am trying to tread water so to speak and keep my head up for the sake of my family.

I just wish i had a little hope that one day things will be different. I'm not sure if anyone will understand what i mean when i say i've even stopped daydreaming about things i might be able to achieve one day. When i do start to think 'imagine being able to drive to the seaside with my 2 children...' i immediately start to picture what could go wrong and how awful it would be!?
I also find myself doubting i will ever meet someone who will want to be with me for any length of time because in the past i have found that men are really keen to begin with because of my appearance. But once i've told them about my phobia they first think they can change/help me and when they realise the severity of it they soon want out. It would be lovely to think someone could love me for me, as i am and if i do ever conquer my fears that would just be an awesome bonus.

Anyway, enough with this pessimistic thinking. I'm going to do my usual which is focus on the house (where i spend so much of my time) and tidy, clean and decorate.

Hope you are all managing to keep your chins up (as in each of your chins not double chins LOL) :-)

xx