Having Children - will it pass the anxiety on?

[ConfusedByLife]

I would be interested to hear fellow anxiety sufferers views on having children. I want to have children but then I think my anxiety will be passed onto them from my genes and re-inforced by my behaviour. Nervousness runs in my family so there must be a strong genetic link. My mum suffered alot with nervousness whenI was growwing up and I think subconciously I picked up and copied her behaviours. In my opinion it is in the genes until something inevitably triggers it off. I think having children would therefore be selfish of me, because I wouldnt want my child having to struggle through anxiety the way I am. What do ppl think?

[weepinky]

Hi there

I will be very interested to hear what everyone has to say about this subject - I have no one in my family that suffers - this is perhaps why I have told no one about my condition (except my partner), I suffer in silence should we say!!!!

My son has no idea as I just carry on as normal (I'm good at pretending)! So the replies here will make interesting reading for me.

Take Care


Love Pinky

[wendy]

Hi

An interesting topic! I think it is true that behaviour patterns are picked up by children - My mum had depression and I feel this affected my childhood however saying that having my son was the best thing I have ever done, he has brought such happiness into my life and despite sometimes feeling guilty that my anxiety affects him I think that as anxiety sufferers we are more sensitive as people and as a result can make us excellent parents. I think all parents make some mistakes despite suffering from anxiety or not, I wish my son didnt have to see me with such anxiety as it breaks my heart but I think over all he is well balanced (much more than I was) and hope he will grow up to be a none anxiety sufferer!

Wendy x

[Spice]

Hi

I find this very interesting. My Mum has had anxiety problems since she was in her 20's and I developed problems in my 30's.
My oldest daughter is 17 and is the most unanxious person you could ever meet, she is just too laid back but my other daughter who is 9 has already developed anxious behaviour which my therapist says is "learned behaviour" from being with me when I am at my worst. This makes me very sad to think that I have made her like this.
I am unsure if there is a genetic link or if it's just something that is learned.

Love Spice
x

Sometimes I give myself the creeps, Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me, It all keeps adding up, I think I'm cracking up, Or am I just paranoid ..... Billie Joe Armstrong

[jodie]

hi

i agree with spice
my mum is very panicy and has anxiety realy bad ,i think i am bad with anxiety as a result of learnd behaviour i do remember her being very stressed all the time that made me feel stressed and panicy i sometimes dident know why i was panicing i just was .
i have a 4yr old she also seems a bit panicy im sure if i dont get better from this then she will be just the same cos if i am having a good day then she is totaly ok "happy"but if i feel ill and panicy she also changes

jo x

[carlin]

Hi there, Felt i had to reply. Neither of my parents/or other family suffered with anxiety. I have done so for 18 years now. I have 4 children (ages 26, 24, 17, 16) None of them suffer in any way from anxiety/panic, they lead perfectly 'normal' lives. Two eldest (one done uni) now have very responsible jobs) My 3rd is at college studying beauty therapy and my youngest is about to sit his GCSE's. When they were younger i just had to get on with it, now they are able to understand (to a certain extent) I have explained what goes on. My children and I are very close, but i pat myself on the back and think what a good job we (hubby too of course) have done to set them off into the big wide world...Of course, we have had the usual family struggles on the way (and still do with my youngest tearaway) but thats life. And i regret nothing....

[susan]

Hi there, Confused by Life! If you breed from a thoroughbred, the foal will be highly strung- not a pit pony! This means that you will have beautiful, sensitive, empathic children. Would you want it any other way? You children will be whoever they are supposed to be!.. and they will be beautiful! Neither of my children suffer. (Both awful teenagers) I have encouraged the "let what your feeling out" phylosophy. (To the detriment of my nerves!) I suffer with problems because my mother handed me negativity, critisim, guilt and fear- that hasnt been genetic either.

sue

[Spice]

I felt I had to reply again. I too pat myself on the back and think what a great job I have done for bringing up two children on my own for most of the time (hubby worked away) and although I said in my post that the youngest has anxiety issues my oldest who is now 17 as I also said is as laid back as anyone could be and she has been accepted for University to start studying Medicine!!
I agree with Susan when she says that "children will be whoever they are supposed to be."

Spice

Sometimes I give myself the creeps, Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me, It all keeps adding up, I think I'm cracking up, Or am I just paranoid ..... Billie Joe Armstrong

[susan]

Hi, me again. Checking that nobody took me wrongly. I so didnt mean bad parenting causes anxiety. That was just a swipe at my mum. ( God this gets worse doesnt it!) I know wonderfully warm, nurturing parents of fellow sufferers. I just meant it wasnt a "probable" thing- illness begetting illness. To be sensitive is good. Sorry, I appear to be trampling in my Doc Martins here. I really just come over badly sometimes- an Aries. Love to all Susan.

sue

[shiv]

Yeah, unfortunately there is evidence that anxiety is at least partly genetic. There is a LOT of it on my dad's side of the family in particular and my son suffers health anxiety at the age of 12! However, we all have some unpleasant traits to pass on. Some people are diabetic, some are asthmatic, some have high incidences of certain cancers or heart diseases in their family and a lot or these illnesses are passed down genetically, but that's not to say that none of these people should have children is it!?

Unfortunately these things are just partand parcel of life and I don't think you should deprive yourself of the fantastic gift of parenthood because of a "what if". you sound like a good person and I think that's all that counts. I certainly don't wish I weren't born because of this cr**py gene I seem to have inherited!!

Shiv x