Phobia for hairdressers... It's silly, but it's getting too much for me. D:

[dubiousduck]

This is my first 'proper' post here, so I'm sorry if I do anything wrong ><
I have a problem. I hate my hair; I hate my appearance in general. But my hair is the main obsession of mine, I would say.
It sounds completely absurd- no, it is absolutely absurd,but I self-harm sometimes, because it gets too much for me. I feel like such an idiot to let something as obscure as my hair affect me like this, but I can't help it.
I feel so ugly sometimes... I never want to leave the house any more, because I just feel so incredibly self-concious.

So why don't I just get a haircut?

Simple answer: I can't. The last time I had a hair cut was in April, and it was only a trim.

But even something as small as that causes me to pretty much *die*.

When I'm in the hairdresser's, I feel like they're judging me. They're thinking I'm ugly, and my hair is stupid.

Every single part of the experience has it's own specific problems:


When I'm trying to explain what I want to have done, I panic, because I'm worried the hairdresser won't understand and he or she will do the wrong thing. So I end up just saying I want my hair a bit shorter.

Then, when they wash my hair, because it's sometimes quite painful for my neck (having to press your neck against a hard surface for what seems like hours isn't fun), I start to panic. Because I become convinced that I won't be able to sit up again... That somehow my neck is in such a position that I'm going to become paralysed.

And then the worst part. Actually having my hair cut. The people all around me getting their hair cut are talking to the people cutting their hair. But the hairdressers never talk to me. And I feel so awkward. Especially when they start talking to the other hairdressers; it's like I'm so boring they have to talk to someone else.
Time starts to blur, and it seems like everything is taking way longer than it should.
When I feel the scissors against my hair, I become convinced they're cutting it too short, but I feel afraid to speak. And it's always so insanely noisy, that i think they wouldn't be able to hear me anyway ):
I feel like crying, my breathing becomes weird, I feel sick, and my skin gets blotchy...


Just... the entire experience is horrific. Every time I get out of the hairdressers, I just end up crying, because the stress in there is absolutely immense.

And the fact is, I need to overcome this. Because I hate the way my hair looks so much. And I feel like my outer image isn't an accurate projection of who I am inside, just because my hair looks wrong. It sounds so, so absurd. But to me, sadly, it's the most prominent thing in my mind. And so being in a position where I can't change it is just... horrible. :c

I did once have a hair cut that went VERY wrong (Everyone said it looked fine, but basically I couldn't even face looking at myself in the mirror.) But that was quite recently (November). I think that one of the reasons I have this phobia is that I used to have very, very long hair. I hadn't had it cut for years, and my mother always said that it would be a bad idea to cut it. And I was really scared of getting it cut, just because I had grown so 'attached' to it.
But yeah, after the time when it went wrong, I've been paranoid about something even worse happening...

What can I do? How can I get over this?

Thank you in advance... Sorry this is so long :(

[Mirabelle]

Hi
Maybe if you had a mobile hairdresser come to your house. Have some pictures to show her and write some notes about what you want to say about your hair. Practice what you will say beforehand. This way you can wash and dry your hair yourself and just let her cut it for you.
Hope you feel better soon
X

[nomorepanic]

Have you tried getting a hairdresser to come to your house and do it there?

You will be more relaxed at home and none of the above problems.

I have mine done at home and it also saves a fortune too!

[debs71]

Oh, how I so feel for you dubiousduck, I honestly do. I share your horror of hairdressers, though I do (just about) manage to go, but with great difficulty.

I definitely agree with the mobile hairdresser idea. For years I had my hair cut at home by a lovely hairdresser, and it was great not to leave the house and just be cosy at home having a nice pampering haircut. I think that being in the safety of your own home would maybe make a big difference to you hun.

I also think the key to allaying a lot of your fear is a good, long, specific consultation with the hairdresser before anything else, where you explain your nerves about getting your hair done, explain exactly what you do and don't want, and that you have had bad experiences before with a haircut. Any GOOD hairdresser worth their salt will have a consultation in full with you first anyway. That way you can start off with an understanding between you as to what they are going to do to your hair.

I think a mobile hairdresser would also be great for you in terms of the talking thing as there are no distractions from other stylists, clients, etc. and they can focus on you and your hair.

I think the talking think is always a bit of an issue, and I feel the same. I never know whether to chat away to my hairdresser, or sit quietly and let them get on with it, as I think that I will either get on their nerves if they are concentrating, or come across as snotty and unfriendly if I don't chat!

My Mum always says I should just go with the flow, as hairdressers are used to clients who both chat, and DON'T chat as that is part of the job, and they couldn't care less and I think there is much truth in that. Don't take it personally if they are not talking hun, as often they don't. I have had hairdressers who have chatted non stop and those that you are hard pushed to get a word from. It honestly isn't personal.

I think your post really touched me as I have felt the same about hairdressers all of my life. I went to a salon all through my teenage years and I never once felt I looked good afterwards, hated my hair, felt physically ugly and an outcast. I was also bullied at school and had zero self esteem, and I so wanted to just once feel good about my hair in particular, if nothing else, and I never did.

Eventually, I stopped having my hair done in the salon as it just became a trial, so I had my hair cut by my Mum's mobile hairdresser, and the experience was great and much more comfortable. It was only when I got a bit older and needed a colour and highlights for my rapidly greying hair (which she didn't do) that I had to find a salon again and it was a scary thought, but so far I just about manage it, albeit with some panic and anxiety.

You so deserve to feel good about yourself and I do so hope you can sort something out soon that works for YOU.

xxxxxx

[dubiousduck]

Mobile hairdressers!? Wow. That sounds... amazing. I never actually knew they existed o.o I've often thought wouldn't it be nice if I could just have my hair done at home... I'm definitely going to look in to this mobile hair dressing thingy, although knowing me I'll still be terrified, haha. But it sounds a million times better than sitting in the middle of a hairdressers, feeling like everyone's staring at me XD


Thank you very much everyone (: Debs71, that's such a thoughtful post! Thank you so much :3 It's nice to finally talk to people who understand this... Most people just accuse me of being a coward when I tell them about it ><

[Tyke]

Aaaaagh hair cuts ...... I hate them. My way round it now though is to use a gents barbers across town which is run by a group of Asian men. They don't speak great English, so they don't bother with the small talk, but their customer care is excellent. As it is the small talk which troubles me most, this suits me just fine!

Tyke

[movin497]

Aaaaagh hair cuts ...... I hate them. My way round it now though is to use a gents barbers across town which is run by a group of Asian men. They don't speak great English, so they don't bother with the small talk, but their customer care is excellent. As it is the small talk which troubles me most, this suits me just fine!

Tyke

Even i also hate hair cuts
last hair cut i did in may and when i feel for new haircut i try some new haircut effects on my pic with the use of photoshop and then that image i show to my hair dresser

[Jenny63]

I have to have a mobile hairdresser because I can't go into hairdressers.

Shame they don't do mobile Dentists too lol

[Tom1234]

Hi Everyone.

This is my first post about my "little" problem about going to the barbers.
It started about six months ago when I went to my local barbers for a trim.
It was a bit chilly but as I live about 100 ft away I thought I would go wearing a t shirt.
The shop was quite full when I walked in and sat down. I must add that I did not have a problem with going to the barbers until now.
As the barber's door was propped open I started to get a bit cold and started to shiver a little bit. The door could not really be closed as it is a tiny shop and gets very stuffy.
Then it came to my turn to sit in the chair. I was still cold and would shiver very slightly whenever he brought the clippers close to my head every time he tried to trim the sides the shiver would get worse and in the end I had to get up and pretend that my back had gone into spasm. It was so embarrasing that I could not stop my head shaking! The same thing happens even in the summer now that I really dread going. when I sit in the chair I am never sure whether I will have the power to control it and only managed one tremor free cut but was on the verge of a shake as he was just finishing. It took massive self control to stop it! The problem is now that this fear has grown into a full blown phobia and really don't know how I am going to conquer it. Thanks for reading.