I can't do this anymore

[Mogwog]

I don't want to be me anymore

From my previous post you will see that I have a breast problem, lumps, well one lumpy bit in particular that is worrying me. My Dr checked them on Tues last week and told me they were ok so I thought i'd check them again to make a note of the lumpy bits, well big mistake as I think that one in particular is bad, its like a lumpy ridge but I dont have it in the other one.

I have too much to cope with all the time, my son is deaf, has cerebral palsy, epilepsy and a v rare sleep disorder.

I want to run away

[jenkins]

i am sorry to hear you are so worried , i myself have woke up to a panic attack and i hate the feeling of being weak ... but try to keep telling our selfs we are strong , we are in control of our minds and lifes xx

[rosi]

I've been where you are many times. Unless you have first hand experience of a disabled child you really don't know how destroying it is.

Please listen to me, the doctor has said you're ok. The doctor has felt thousands of lumps, they honestly know what they are talking about. I know I am the last to talk but please believe me. I had a lump under my arm my doctor honestly prodded it twice and declared it an absess. Of course I didnt believe him but it's not there now.

Do you have a social worker and respite care in place?Too many of us mums of disabled children struggle along because we think we can cope. Are there any local support groups for your boys condition? If all else fails, my love, instead of being trapped in your own head ring Samartarians and talk and talk.

My son has not got the problems yours has but I do understand what you are
going through.

[Aycie]

I know you are in a horrible place right now and when we get like that its so hard to see a way out but it will pass eventually. All I can do is send a big hug and hope you turn a corner soon.
Aycie XX

[Mogwog]

Thank you. I keep trying to tell myself that the Dr said that my breast was ok but I can't seem to listen to it. I am scared that if I leave it, it will kill me.

Rosi - I feel bad for letting everything get ontop of me, like I should be able to cope with it all. I also feel responsible for my sons disabilities - I didnt do anything wrong whilst pregnant but feel I let him down :-(
My parents help us out.

xxxxxx

[rosi]

I have great parents too. My ex husband couldnt cope and left and his parents don't help at all......pigs.

Now listen to me. Logically you know that you did not cause your sons disabilities. These things happen and there is not one thing you did wrong. I feel like you that I should be able to cope and for all my advice above I would find it hard to reach out for help, hell, I find it hard to ask my parents for help. The is no law that says you have to cope, the mothers of disabled chidren have a high staus in society, we are seen as brave, selfless, everyone feels sorry for us and that means that when we can't cope we feel weak and that people will look down on us.

Nobody copes all the time I have a friend going through a relationship breakup at the moment and he is off work and on Sertraline and sometimes I want to
shout at him to wise up and at other times i think, 'jesus, I've have been through a hundred times more and I'm still standing, its ok for me to feel weak'.

You are ok, you really are. Believe me

[Mogwog]

Thank you Rosi

I think part of my problem is that I am on fluoxetine but haven't been taking it regularly as my sons sleep disorder has been bad, which means im knackered so I've been forgetting to take it, i've been taking it properly again for about a week so maybe I feel so bad because the levels got quite low.

I am seeing the Dr again on Fri to tel her how I am feeling but i'm getting in a state about that too - worried she will get fed up of me.

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