My story - How i beat my many Anxiety Disorders
Hello All,
I have never made a post on this forum before, As like most of you reading this you would not have come accross many stories of hope and encouragement. The internet is filled with people searching for answers and seeking help but hardly any recovery or so called "success stories" I should know, i was not long ago like yourself. This is because when people are able to function normaly again and Anxiety disorders are no longer a big part of there life they tend to forget about the 1000's of you looking for a beacon of hope and the strength to achieve the same results.
I made a promise to myself that WHEN i get better i would not be one of them people and will share my experience, And here i am today to tell you it can be done and my story and how i did it. Firstly a little bit about myself, I am 24 year old male and was able to overcome Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Insomnia, Agoraphobia, Health Anxiety (Hypochondra) and Depression without medication, self help books and methods or anxiety diets. Now this is a long post but i can not sum up everything in a few sentances and definately think this could benefit you otherwise i would not have taken the time to write it and please ignore the bad grammer and spelling lol
My Story
I was just a normal everday guy, I had a good job, A nice Apartment, Beautiful Fiancee and some good friends. Life was good i had a few small financial problems and stress at work but other than that i was KING OF THE WORLD!!!... One day on the way to work no different to any other day i started to have slight chest pains, theen felt dizzy sick and my legs was shaking. i Stood by the door wishing the train would stop so i could get off. I called my fiancee terrified, tried to have some water and food encase it was that wondering what the hell is happening to me!.. I didnt know then but it was my first panic attack ofcourse i went straight to the emergency room fearing the worst. Doctors checked my heart and blood, BP all the usual stuff with no conclusion i was told to rest and take the rest of the day off. I went home felt exhausted and slightly strange but other than that was OK. Few days later i felt the same again. Again straight to the Emergency room and again happened on the train. Again all the tests normal but this time the doctor mentioned for the first time Panic attack and Anxiety "What the hell is that ?" I continued to work and live normaly althou had extremely high anxiety especially when traveling on the train, the dreaded place this all started. Soon it become high anxiety and panic everytime i was on the train. Then it followed me at work. then Home and very quickly i was constantly feeling anxiety and panic. I could no longer work, Go to the shops or even take a walk without the symptoms and sensations hitting me all within a few weeks. Infact the symptoms never stoped!!! .. constant 24/7 Dizziness, lightheaded, feeling sick, Sensitive to light. I went to the GP and he told me i need to take Anti depressents and would not see results unless i took the medication. I did not want to take the medication and refused hes diagnoses as Generalised Anxiety and Panic Disorder. HOW COULD MY MIND CAUSE ME TO FEEL THESE SYMPTOMS ALL THE TIME! was my point of view. After tests and doctors opinions with no other diagnosis other than Anxiety and Panic, i started to convince myself and search online what i thought i actually had (Hypochondria, HA). I come up with Brain Tumour, MS as my main concerns, for some reason these were far more believable than an Anxiety Disorder!. After months of Panic Attacks, Anxiety, Googling, Research i was in a complete and utter mess. I could no longer sleep, Eat, think straight, work, leave the home i was merely an empty shell convinced there was no way out and hopelessness. I hit rock bottom, this carried on for a few more weeks with no improvement but then again i wasnt getting worse just stuck in a horrible mess. This is when depression set in. I truely wanted to give up and even begged my Fiancee to let me end it all. I saw my mum in my head it was for the last time as i did not want to carry on living like this, Funny enough it was my 24th Birthday when opening my birthday cards struggling to read the words i looked at my mothers pendent around her neck which i baught her a few years back at christmas. In her pendant was photo's of my nan who passed away a few years before. This was the pendant she keept close to her of old beloved relatives who have passed. I broke down in tears and then i had something to FIGHT for, NO I WILL NOT BE ONE OF THE PHOTOS IN HER PENDANT, I WILL FIGHT THIS. This powerful moment allowed me to dig very deep and find motivation and strength i never knew existsed. This was the moment when everything started to change. My first thought was that Anxiety has taken everything away from me i was just a shadow of my former self, i really had nothing to lose anymore but everything to gain.
How i beat Anxiety Purely with the power of the mind and extremely powerful logical thoughts. Thoughts that can not be argued or disagreed with. Thoughts that completely change you prospective on everything!. I started to tackle my health anxiety and genuinely started to debate with myself ok lets pretend i do have a brain tumour or MS, Yes this would explain some of the symptoms im experiencing and yes actually it is possible as i have not had an MRI or CAT SCAN and Yes i could have a heart problem and again althou extremely unlikely its possible i could have a heart attack. But these illness altou terrible and can have many symptoms. They do not actually cause anxiety, panic, irrational thoughts or change your behaviours such as checking my pulse every 10 seconds. This is my mind, maybe not the symptoms but these parts i can control in time. I then thought OK, if i did have a terminal illness will my last years on earth be living in fear and depression ?! NO IT WILL NOT!!.. constant worry and irational thoughts does not change the outcome of any event. It doesnt matter how much you think or worry if you ws going to be hit by a car tommorow you will..... and for some reason that comforts me. The world and potential illness and desease are not in my control so why worry ? how about i worry about what i DO actually have control over... my behaviours and my thinking pattern when i feel anxiety and panic. I stoped myself googling my symptoms and checking my pulse and instead started to focus on my anxiety and panic and agoraphobia instead of major health issues as no longer my concern as i genuinely wasnt affraid anymore, ofcourse i do not want to die, but id rather die living. than be living to die.
I then needed to start tackling my anxiety and panic. Firstly i just accepted my anxiety and panic for exactly what it is. the bodies natural response to protect me from danger. Althou awful my body is working perfectly fine infact i do not have a Disorder as the doctors labelled me, A Disorder is suggesting i am ill or my body is not functioning correctly which is not the case. Infact my body is working perfectly just right emotion at the wrong time. So why is my brain triggering these emtions. I then had an amazing moment.... OK... whats different from me now and the me of 1 year ago ???? . Before when i walked to the supermarket or to work i just left the house didnt think about it at all, But now when i leave the house or wake up in the morning my mind is constantly filled with thoughts of , What if its bad today??, Will i have panic attacks??? am i going to be able to get thru today?. my god thats it!!!, Thats my answer then again another breakthrough!!. What is anxiety ??? Anxiety shares its symptoms, sensations and chemicals as another emotion, Excitement! Excitement is not knowing the outcome
but predict and forsee good will happen. Anxiety is not knowing the outcome but predict and forsee bad will happen!. Wow the answer seems so simple now, But ofcourse turning off your automatic negative thoughts and worry is very hard. Even during the moments when i felt ok. I could not stop thinking about anxiety. After a while of trying not to worry about it and carry on at home doing chores and cooking, i got better at controlling these thoughts . ofcourse i had good, days and bad days. I was only thinking about anxiety and my symptoms about 8 hours a day rather than 20 hours a day. Then some improvement!!. I got my sleep back, no longer did i wake up in the night in blind panic or lay there for hours starring at a blank wall. I started to dream again and the strange feelings at night and in the mornings was gone!!. I still had panic and anxiety during the day and the chronic dizziness and nausa etc etc. But HEY!!! some improvement!!!! i could now sleep. for 8 hours a day i was a normal person. After a few weeks of beautiful sleep i no longer had anxiety in the mornings or before bed. Infact i looked forward to mornings and bedtime as this was the only break i had from these terrible symptoms.
Gettig my sleep back althou a small improvement! Hey it was AN improvement! Which means i have taken my first step to getting better.. Wow this motivated me so much and i smiled and even cried with happiness. It also showed to me that i can do it and what im doing is actually working!!. Things started to get better very fast from here. One day my chronic dizziness and headaches nausia, started to fade SLOWLY. my nausia turned into butterflies in the stomach, My dizziness turned slightly off balance feelings. and my headaches were now more dull. I still did not leave the home but i was able to function at home, i wasnt full of energy but i was able to achieve some house chores like washing and cooking without much fuss. I started to get brave, i started to not constantly check food labels for dates / ingrediants and checking evey single meal for any inperfections as before i would not eat otherwise. I then decided to enjoy a beer and coffee again. Instead of worry and fear that it will send me into a panic which ofcourse it didnt Infact it did the opposite it gave me comfort and pleasent feelings. Anxiety and panic attacks was only ruining half my day, but i was able to enjoy a film again, Play games and at least have a few moments peace!.
My next step was Agoraphobia. to go outside was now the next dream for me. I set myself daily goals on my calender that day 1 i will walk to the lampost at the end of my street and then walk back home. I remember the panic and anxiety and thoughts racing thru my mind when i was putting on my shoes and opening the door to leave. It was terrible i had some control of my anxiety at home but not outside. After a few days of trying this i felt exhausted and tired it really knocked me out!! walking to the lampost at the end of my street was like running the marathon not so much physically but the mind. Id often need an hours nap after just to get over the feelings. Remember feeling like i was going to pass out and be sick and my heart rate was thru the roof!. I sat on my bed and again another important breakthrough.. Ok the outside causes me again to have all these symptoms and feelings but at home im sort of OK? Wow i really do have An anxiety and panic problem. As if you think about it there is no physical different between walking outside or walking around your home. Not physical but psychological so wow i really do have a phobia and fears. This is the moment i 100% without doubt knew that my problems was in my mind rather than my body. So OK other than my anxiety disorders, i have developed a fear of the outside world. How do i tackle this? I then read about phobias and fears rather than anxiety and panic disorders and found the answers. what stuck with me is that someone terrified of heights skydiving would be the most terrifying experience, as with my phobia the supermarket is a terryfyin experience. But people who are scared of heights if forced to do a few air jumps slowly fear it less and less and soon in time actually enjoy it and take it as a hobby. So i put it into practise i forced myself to keep going out and reminded myself constantly each tme like the skydiver it will slowly get less of a scary experience. Each day i set new goals and yes ofcourse it worked slowly the lampost at the end of the street was too easy and i pushed the bondaries over weeks untill i hit the supermarket. Each time i pushed the boundaries the anxiety and panic and symptoms returned just as powerful as before. But slowly over weeks i started to be able to go outside and do the shopping. I didnt enjoy it and felt very rough but HEY I WAS DOING IT!!!.
My Chronic symptoms like dizziness, off balance, feeling like i was going to pass out continued thru all this process to disapear. Some days outside and inside was completely gone and only returned for a few hours a day rather than the most part. One weeks in the supermarket i started to feel very bad started to panic and the thoughts returned QUICK NEED TO LEAVE!!! popped into my head. My Fiancee said we can go home if you want and i made a very strange decision. i Decided not to run away and avoid the siutation but to stay and finish the shoppping. i felt rough but i pushed on and achieved everything i wanted too. Now my recovery was so fast and each day i was feeling improvement and better, i soon had days when i felt NO anxiety or worrying thoughts!!!. Soon it become only 2\3 days a week. Eventually its just a few hours a week. Infact i started to feel so normal and my old self again that it kinda scared me. Anxiety and panic become so normal that feeling like everyone else become strange and even lead to a few panicy episodes. I broke the cycle i no longer wake up thinking about anxiety or worrying will going to the shops kill me. I stil havent beat anxiety 100% i still get slight anxious episodes but i havent had a panic attack in months and i am now functioning and enjoying life like anyother person again. When i tackled the actually phobias and causes of my anxiety and panic, (Health and the outside) the anxiety and panic disapeared.
I have so much more to say but my fingers hurt, i just hope this helps people and makes an interesting read. Beating anxiety, depression, Phobias is not easy, But its very possible. Remember may sound harsh but you thought yourself into this mess you can think yourself out. Just dont give up and keep thinking of all the positives and achievements you make and not the set backs and bad days.
Kind Regards,
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