Hurtful Comments

[moggles]

What do you say to people who make comments like "you sound like an elephant coming down the stairs" or when I told my friend about a restaurant that gave you all the food you could eat and they said "bet they werent too happy about you coming". I am hurt. I am unhappy about being overweight and my friends know it too. How would you handle their comments?

[Spy]

Hi Moggles,

It sometimes hard for people to realise when what they say is hurtful, I think if it was me I would say gently that you know that they don't intend for what they say to make you feel self conscious about your weight but you would really appreciate it if they would not make those kind of comments - that it affects your confidence and you find it hurtful. If they are friends they will be sorry that they have upset you and be a bit more mindful in future

Take care x

[moggles]

I would like to add that I am about 2 or 3 stones overweight.

[moggles]

It is difficult because these comments are made in jest. I am supposed to find it funny. I was slim most of the time I knew them but now they just make endless comments and it is difficult to interject.

[KK77]

If you didn't mind such comments then you could laugh it off as something trivial and meaningless, as it's very easy to find fault and criticise people. But even a 'joke' loses its funny side after a while, especially if it's at your expense.

However, it does bother you and you find it hurtful, which can't be helped Moggles. Therefore your only course of action is to speak to people who make such comments and tell them how it's making you feel. If they carry on doing it then it's time to part company. No one should tolerate being made to feel shit about anything and as I said before, it's easy to criticise and find fault in people.

Also as you get used to speaking your mind your confidence will increase - although it can feel awkward at first, naturally.

I hope that helps and you're able to turn this around for yourself.

[moggles]

Thank you for the comments. But my friends are are right. I am big and I am overweight and hate being that way. I feel inferior because I know I should not be this size. I never used to be. I hate myself for not having the willpower to stay with slimming diets and stuff.

[KK77]

Thank you for the comments. But my friends are are right. I am big and I am overweight and hate being that way. I feel inferior because I know I should not be this size. I never used to be. I hate myself for not having the willpower to stay with slimming diets and stuff.

But that doesn't mean they should rub it in your face, esp as you say these comments are 'hurtful'. I would question whether they're even 'friends' personally.

They could find gentler ways of telling you if they care, surely?

[lmb_nj]

Agree with Melancholia77. Friends should not make you feel worse! They should be supportive and help you and praise you for the steps you take to better yourself.

[moggles]

Truth is they dont need to tell me what I know already. Because it was me that has said to them how overweight I am. I can see their faults but I could not retaliate with hurtful words to them. Sorry. dont mean to go on......

[Hope38]

Some people speak before they think. I would explain that you found the comments hurtful and that it does nothing to make you feel better about yourself.