Suicidal thoughts - really scared :(

[haziefantasie]

Hi everyone

I was just watching 24 hours in a&e & there was a man on it who committed suicide by taking a drug overdose. As soon as they started talking about it I just started thinking that I want to do it, & it really scared me. I also realised that I do this all the time, whenever suicide is mentioned. When I walk across bridges I also look over the edge & think what would happen if I jumped off. I did come very close to actually doing it a few months ago - I went to the end of a pier but managed to talk myself round, so after that I made sure I stayed away from piers. & its since that day that Ive had these feelings.

I think whats bothering me the most is that Ive achieved a lot recently, including moving house & I started a new job on monday. I thought I was doing ok, in fact before tonight I dont think Ive cried for a week which is a massive improvement for me. But Im scared that Ive just learnt to cover things up again, that Ive buried my feelings & that these thoughts are my brains way of warning me Im in trouble. What if something happens & I snap, & then just kill myself without being able to stop myself?

Im sorry this is such an essay, & that it probably doesnt make sense. Im just so scared of myself, I hope someone understands x

[snowgoose]

hazie ..........I do understand .really do .

you wont act on these thoughts ......they are just feelings that will pass .

now tell these thoughts to shove off !!! you are going to be fine . xxxx

[Anxious_gal]

maybe you test your self to see if you would really do it?
Sounds like some form of OCD, some times I get odd thoughts, it feels like I want to do something but I know the thought of actually doing it scares me.
SnowGoose is right, they are just thoughts x
Maybe talk them over wit your doctor if you feel the need.

[haziefantasie]

Thanks as always snowgoose & mishel

Yeah normally I can just ignore the thoughts & distract myself until they go away, but for some reason tonight I started analyzing it too much! Maybe its coz Im tired.

It does make sense that I might be testing myself though, & I guess it could be OCD as I have other traits of it. Ive got a drs appt on friday anyway so Ill mention it to them then x

[Anxious_gal]

it's a bit like when you have a fear of heights I get the urge to jump!
Hope your doctors app goes well x x

[kt79]

This really sounds like OCD bad intrusive thoughts to me. I think the best thing to do be very honest and open with your doctor when you see them. You could try an ssri or cbt, these are both quite effective with OCD.

[scaredstiff695]

Hi please read.....

I suffered from this last year it prompted me to join this site it ruined my life cos o was do do scared. I remember arguing Roth my hubby then screaming at him that he had made me kill myself from the stress. I reSlly believed iveas going to kill myself NOT cos i wanted to but a old friend of mine did it and I was so scared that would happen to me,

Im still Here chick and never harmed myself I was scared to be awake slime at night or be in house alone. But u got to remember one thing u are scared of these thoughts they are not wanted people that want to are not frightened by the thoughts. Please done test yourself like I recommend I did that with snknife on my wrist and cut myself I then panicked that I could get that far xxxxx