Depressed and in pain after giving birth

[Outofplace]

Hi all.

5 weeks ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She is our 5th baby and from 4th pregnancy (one being twins). This was a huge deal for me as I had a homebirth after 3 c-sections. The whole focus throughout was this natural vaginal birth and it was what I wanted with all my heart and soul and now I wish I hadn't done it. This makes me feel so depressed I can't explain it.

The birth went to plan but was extremely painful as I'm sure many of you know. I had never felt contraction before and the whole thing lasted 2 days. I had been so looking forward to just going through labour. When she was born I tore quite badly. 2 small ones and 1 2nd degree tear that I declined to have stitched as it was so painful when they touched me. Its been 5 weeks and I'm still in pain. Some days it's better and then next day it hurts again. My husband says I've made progress but I can't see it!

I haven't left the house since before she was born. I'm scared I'll end up in so much pain I won't be able to get home. I can hardly walk without feeling discomfort and now I've started to feel light headed an my legs ache whenever I stand up. As soon as I get up I feel I can't breathe and just rush whatever I need to do so I can sit back down again. The best place for me Is laying down so I spend all my time in between doing things for the kids just laying ob the sofa. I'm getting sore on my bottom and thigh which I think is from staying in the same place for so long.

I have spent 5 weeks sitting on this same sofa and I'm sick of it but I can't change it. I can't talk to anyone else about it cos they'll want me to go to a doctor about the pain but I don't want anyone to touch me down there. And I'm thinking how much could be in my head? Because in not even trying anymore. I'm always in more pain the sadder I feel. Last week I was doing better and thought I was getting back to normal but I've gone backwards again and I don't know what's wrong with me.

I feel as if I'm being punished for having this birth how I wanted. I recovered so much quicker after the c-sections and was back to normal by now. I'm so sad I feel I want to end it all. I'm damaging my children and husband by being like this. What life am I giving them? I know I won't get any better and have told my husband to quit work to look after me cos I will be like this forever.

I'm sorry for the long rant! I'm hoping the act of writing will help a little. Thanks if you've read this far xx

[paula lynne]

Many congratulations on the birth of your baby! You must be exhausted with 5 children to look after bless you, Id be spending a lot of time on the sofa too let me tell you......
Dont feel guilty about having a vaginal birth for a start, its wonderful you were able too and it must have been safe for the professionals to give you the go ahead.

If I were you, Id ring the health visitor and have a chat about this pain your experiencing, and also the breathlessness. I think some of it is due to the birth perhaps, and some may be because you are sitting for long periods because you are so tired. Do you have any family who could help you out for a week or two, just so you can have a bath, a rest (sleep), a good meal, just some "you" time to recharge your batteries?

I had a similar ache that went down my legs for about 3 weeks after my sons birth. Really tight fitting underwear helps, you know, the elasticated slimming pants type, not very sexy, but very supportive and helped the tummy discomfort and refered leg pain. Can you take anti-inflammatories? Maybe have a chat to your local chemist.

Make sure you eat as well as you can ok, little and often. If you cant get out, just sit in the garden for an hour, getting some vit D from the sun, and just breathing in fresh air can help lift your spirits. Im sure this is still your body recovering from, lets face it, an ordeal, labour isnt called that for nothing! You will feel better as time goes on and be able to do a bit more every week. Please know that it wont last forever. Rely on your husband and delegate chores. Let me know how you get on. Love Paula x

[snowgoose]

hello

congrats on your new baby girl .... a new life is lovely xxx

Paula has said it all in her wonderful post ...........lots of us here been through it .you are not alone .

you need to see your midwife or health visitor . a bad labour really drains you and leaves you feeling very weak and vulnerable ...and post depression can set in through sheer exhaustion and lack of support .

re your down below ...old fashioned .......but worked for me a treat [had same tearing ] ..........sit yourself in salt bath and bathe the area twice a day .
just add a good dollop of salt to the bath and sloosh around .


be gentle with yourself and as Paula says ........get help from your friends and family to take the other wee ones out to give you a break .

you will recover love ...........just takes time xx
it is very good for wound healing honestly

[Outofplace]

Thanks so much ladies:-)

Im feeling better well it comes and goes. I even managed to go out a couple of days ago which was lovely.

Thanks again xx