relationship anxiety

[sarahf]

hello im really nervous at the moment so some advice would be lovely thankyou , this is my story. sorry its long but please i do need help.

it started when i was 17 , my ex boyfriend who i was with for four years dumped me (dont know why) hurt but i got over it fast because he was horrid to me, when we split up he asked me for sex and said to me hed take me back if i did , silly me he used me :( any way after all that a month or two later i met my now boyfriend ( of 2 years ) he is amasing in every single way possible my family love him ,his family love me its just all perfect. the relationship moved quickly within a month i fell in love with him and he fell in love with me. in around the 5th month of our relationship we had a time where we argued all the time but that ended soon but on the down side through out the first 6-7 months i panicked that he was going to leave me or cheat on me like my ex (which is why we argued all the time) i was very very insecure id cry most nights.

anyway the 7th month one day i was off round his and as soon as i got there BAM something hit me i felt a whole missing inside of me i didnt stop crying for three days all i felt was anxiety and dread. of course my boyfreind was crying also he sed to me " u dont love me anymore do you " i said of course i do but ever since that anxiety i havnt fielt much love for him atall :,( and i dont know why i just cant get that voice out my head saying u dont love him , or the pit in my stomach :( he left me because he thought i fell out of love for him , i was in tears every day and night i didnt eat or sleep . Aweek later he came to my door saying he loves me too much and all my feelings came rushing back i was so happy i jumped in his arms but the next day they all dissapeared again :( WHAT THE HELL :( so i carried on with the relationship because i new that i didnt want to leave him and if i did id regret it like before i wont meet anyone like him again. and also i have dreams most nights of him leaving me or me finding him kissing another girl or checking another girl out ( which he never does)

its a year and a half on and its still going on i have had so many irrational thoughts eg i dont love him anymore , i fell out of love , i never loved him , i like women , i was ment to be born a man ,i hate my family .
i also had a pannick attack one night because i felt someone sitting in my room a spirit and i panicked and cryed most the night.

anyway i dont know what is wrong i dont think of being with anyone else it makes me feel sick i want to be with this perfect man .also if i fell out of love wouldnt i of just gone and not thought and dreaded about it every day ? i have heard of rocd and it sounds a bit like what im going through but i feel like im using ocd as an excuss, i have been diagnosed with anxiety but never ocd . can i have rocd if i never had any form of ocd before ?

i have also had a few good weeks there was one week where i actually coloudnt wait to meet him , whe i sed i love u i didnt feel like i was lying and when i kissed him it was amasing but that soon went after a week :( i also have found it soo hard to lubricate myself or get arroused from sex with him , sometimes i can and i can really get into it . and whenever that happens the voice in my head says see you dont love him :( i dont really cry like i used to i just feel numb now :( i spoke to my mum about it all and she said u must still love him other wise when we argue i wouldnt care , i wouldnt spend so much time with him and i wouldnt of got all worked up and break down like when he broke it off with me

anyway im gabbering on can someone please help me theres much more to be said but ill wait . thankyou or could this all be some form of relationship anxiety ? what is relationship anxiety :(

[Michealleo]

Yes i am agree with this that stress can worse our sypmtoms . As i am a patient of a chronic disease ULCERATIVE COLITIS that's why my doctor always tell me that stay aways from stress things if u wana live healthy with this disorder .

[moomin1]

Sarah,

I can honestly relate to everything you are describing. It sounds very much to me like anxiety/depression that is causing the way you feel and I suffered exactly the same with my ex boyfriend. I went to his house one day and was stood in the kitchen when all of a sudden something hit me - it was this feeling of boredom and depression and I wanted to get away. Over the next few days I began to panic about it because I knew in my head that I did love him, but was questioning why I had felt like that. Anyway, weeks went by and by this point I was in a terrible mess, I had NO feelings whatsoever for him even though my brain seemed to know that I did. I was thinking all sorts of irrational thoughts and seriously believed I was going mad. In the end I couldn't cope and went to the docs who prescribed me 20mg Citalopram. Within 6 weeks I was feeling positive emotions again and within 3 months completely normal again!! Our relationship broke down anyway, due to other issues and now I'm with the person who I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I don't know whether you are already on any meds or anything or have seen a doc about your worries but I would seriously recommend at least talking to a doc about it as it seems more common than we realise!!

Moomin1