Hugs for Bill at this sad time .

[shoegal]

Oh dear. I'm so sorry to hear this sad news Bill.

I have not been on NMP for a while as I've been struggling with my anxiety but I just logged on and saw this and just had to offer my condolences.

I know this won't help much but I'm thinking of you at this very difficult time.

Love and hugs from shoegal xxx

[Andyreww]

Rip

[amandaj]

sorry to hear your sad news bill xx

[Horse]

My Dear Friend.

There are no words that can be written or said.

Even though we help those in need, there are times when our devotion is no longer advantageous. A time when the ones we love move on to a much better place. A place where there is no sickness, disease or inharmony but a place of Peace, Love and Joy until such time that we meet again!

Be patient, wise and positive Bill, and you will eventually encounter such a place beyond your wildest dreams!

May God bless you.

Horse.

[Maj]

Bill I am so sorry about your loss. My thoughts are with you are this incredibly sad time.

Myra xx

[Chem]

I heard from Bill today. He said:

"I had a quick look at the thread last night. I hope to reply soon. Everyone amazes me with their kindness"

His mother's funeral will be on Monday.

[diane07]

Thank you Chem for letting us know, that is so much appreciated.

Bill, just to let you know, our thoughts are with you for Monday, if there is anything we can do, remember we're here.

di xxxxx

[pollyanna]

Was sorry to hear of your sad news, thinking of you bill xx

[Bill]

I've read every post that you have all so kindly taken the time to type and so I wanted to thank all of you for being the amazing people that you are. So often I think people who suffer from anxiety run themselves down for not feeling like others but to those I'd say those others wouldn't have your compassion so to me that makes you Special because you care like no others could.

I think on the whole my tears have finally stopped but no doubt there will still be times when they'll resurface. It is now nearly 6 years since I lost my father - the one person who I feel really understood me, it's now nearly 2 years since I lost our dog - my best friend who gave me comfort, and now it's not even a week since I lost my mother who played such a large part of my daily life. I can honestly say that I have never felt so alone with an emptiness that at times makes me feel so breathless.

I say to myself my mother was old and that she couldn't go on forever and yet I don't know yet how I'm going to fill the void that has been left.

I read on hear about others who have lost loved ones, often under tragic circumstances and it makes me feel lucky that I had my mother for so long but also a bit guilty for allowing myself to have been affected so badly when others have suffered worse.

And yet, the last few weeks I've found to be mentally exhausting and extremely traumatic. I visited my mother virtually every day and watched her health deteriorate until I could barely recognise her. It was heartbreaking to see how her body suffered and I sobbed every night when I came home knowing there was nothing I could do to help her.

When she first went into the hospice she was so frightened, so tearful and she wouldn't let go of my hand. After a few days she settled but then suddenly her illness took hold and she started having nightmares due to the meds. I held her hand and tried to comfort her. It was just terrible to see her upset.

Towards the end she couldn't speak and could hardly move but there were a couple of very special moments. One such moment was when I told her I loved her and always would. All she could manage was to close her mouth and attempt to move her hand towards me from under the covers but I was too worried of causing her pain. She appeared to have a tear in her eye so later I went back to hold her hand through the sheet. I told her I'd see her the next day but the next morning before I arrived she had already passed away.

I'm sure alot of you have been where I am now and I guess in time I'll move on but to what I just don't know. This year has been the worst year I've ever experienced because so many bad things have happened to so many people close to me. I almost feel too afraid to even attempt to get close to anyone anymore and yet I know that will only lead to me always feeling alone. Somehow though I think that is my destiny because that's the way I've always felt to some degree before. Even one of the nurses could tell how I felt without me saying anything.

An elderly friend rang me to convey her sympathy and she reminded me of the hug she gave me when I lost my father. She said it's time I was allowed another one and I'll then add it to the few I can remember.

This is going to take some time to recover from but I wanted to thank all of you for being the wonderful people you are.

Horse, I especially enjoyed reading your post. Thank you. I'm afraid to say that all I can think of is Chris Rea's song "Tell me there's a heaven" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2mp8BUNT-Q because although I have experienced things I can't explain, I just wish I knew for sure but thank you for those comforting words.

In tribute to my wonderful mother who only ever thought of others, this was her favourite piece of music...I will Always love her. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hL8YSGDwnU

[ElizabethJane]

Dear Bill I'm sorry to hear that your dear Mother has died. My own dear Dad died in April and I am still greiving. The wounds from the immediate distress will ease. There is life after the death of a parent. EJ.