So as the title suggests, I'm having a hard time lately and would like to see if anyone can relate so I know I'm not losing the plot!

I haven't been out in over a month and I'm going stir crazy but I'm petrified of leaving the flat. I'm waiting for treatment, some sort of exposure therapy with the NHS from my local mental health centre, will hopefully hear something in the next week. In the meantime every day is a struggle. Propranolol is the only thing stopping me from going completely insane I think! I don't enjoy living alone, but having people round is also difficult as my anxiety increases. As much as I like company, I'm always worried I'm going to flip out at them. Haven't so far... I feel like I'm in the grips of anxiety at all times, ALWAYS on the edge of an attack. It's exhausting.

I don't feel like I'm getting any worse while I'm waiting for treatment, but I have moments where I think 'this is it, I'm going insane and need to be sectioned'. This is not a helpful thought. I'm not sure if it counts as health anxiety, but I'm always worried about my sanity. My whole family have mental health issues and I'm always worried it's more than anxiety and panic attacks for me, even though I don't have symptoms of psychosis, bipolar, etc. My brother was sectioned last month, so I guess it's playing on my mind that there must be something wrong with me, or something will be wrong with me in the future. I'm terrified of losing control of my mind completely.

Sorry for the rant. I feel a bit better now though